News of the Weird [Archive]

Lemur

03-08-2007, 06:30

I think I'm going to consolidate all of my "news of the weird" posts into a single thread, along the lines of the "Backroom Video" and suchlike. I see way too many odd stories that I want to post, and I don't want to be accused of cluttering up the forum. Just an idea, anyway.

Here's for starters (http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=40208&in_page_id=2): I'm not the only person who wants to become an elf. Huzzah for elfectomies:

Accused knicker nicker says he was in bad elf

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

A man accused of robbing a Belfast lingerie shop at knifepoint has fallen back on a time honoured defence – namely, his claim that he believed he was a female elf at the time.

Belfast Crown Court was told by the prosecution that 45-year-old Robert Boyd from Broadlands, Carrickfergus had held up the shop, Orchid, while disguised in a wig, hat and sunglasses. He allegedly made off with bras, knickers, stockings and suspender belts.

However, Boyd's defence maintain that at the time, Boyd believed that he was a elf, having been playing the cyberpunk role-playing game Shadowrun.

More specifically, he believed that he was a female shaman (meaning a natural magic user) elf named Beho, and that he thought he was armed with a samurai sword. Boyd admits that he may have 'blurred reality and fantasy'.

He also claims that he can not remember the details of the incident.

While Boyd maintains that he is innocent of the crime, he admits that he can't be sure that the metahuman Beho did not plan to rob the store.

The prosecution are sceptical of these claims, and suggest that Boyd/Beho is 'using this memory loss scenario to avoid answering very difficult questions.'

Crazed Rabbit

03-08-2007, 07:05

I think this is a great idea for a thread - though it might mean we loose out on some entertaining threads about odd incidents. Hmmm. Can't hurt to try.

Mind if I occasionally post a crazy story or two? I love the one about the elf by the way, and I can't wait to see how it turns out.

CR

Banquo's Ghost

03-08-2007, 08:10

Nice idea Lemur, but you started it off by consolidating someone else's thread - the elf story was already posted here by Insane Apache (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=80784).

Gotta move fast with News of the Weird. :wink3:

Csargo

03-14-2007, 21:07

Bump

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070314/ap_on_fe_st/driving_unicorn;_ylt=AgI45b9sKxKzdux5kmCGIfkuQE4F

BILLINGS, Mont. - A man told police not to blame him for crashing his truck into a light post — it was that unicorn behind the wheel. Prosecutor Ingrid Rosenquist said Phillip C. Holliday Jr. initially denied driving the truck involved in the March 7 crash in Billings. He told officers at the scene that a unicorn was driving, she said.

ADVERTISEMENT

Holliday, 42, pleaded not guilty Tuesday to felony charges of criminal endangerment and drunken driving.

A pickup truck drove through a red light and nearly struck another truck in the intersection, according to court documents. The driver then made an erratic U-turn through a gas station, crossed the street and crashed into a light pole. Nobody was injured.

Holliday has five drunken-driving convictions. District Judge Gregory Todd kept his bail at $100,000 despite his lawyer arguing that Holliday's last such conviction was 14 years ago.

Lemur

03-14-2007, 22:09

I'm layin' this track down for my main man DJ Banquo G. Russian man grows penis on arm (http://www.mosnews.com/news/2005/03/22/miraclesurgery.shtml).

I'm still trying to live down the shame that I started this thread with a dupe ...

drone

03-14-2007, 22:35

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/3423881.stm
Drunken elephants die in accident

By Subir Bhaumik
BBC correspondent in Calcutta

Four wild elephants drunk on rice beer have been electrocuted in the north-east Indian state of Meghalaya, wildlife officials report.

The elephants are known to have a taste for rice beer brewed by tribal communities across north-east India.

But this is the first time some of them have died after consuming the drink.

A herd of about 20 to 25 elephants went on the rampage in a remote area in the West Garo Hills district earlier this week after getting high on the beer.

As panicky villagers fled for cover, leaving behind their freshly brewed beverage, the elephants drank to their heart's content.

The inebriated elephants then struck an electric pole and brought it down.

But their trunks took the brunt of the shock from the high-tension wire.

Four of the elephants were killed instantly.

Assam's elephant expert Kushal Konwar Sharma, a lecturer, said these elephants frequently consume rice beer and cause devastation when they become intoxicated.

Wildlife officials say in the last two years elephants have killed at least 180 people in Assam and Meghalaya.

And more than 200 elephants have been killed by angry villagers during the last six years in the two states, in what is developing into a fierce conflict between man and beast.
:elephant: :elephant: :elephant: :elephant:

None of this would have happened if they had gotten fingerprints first...

The Wizard

03-14-2007, 22:41

So binge drinking isn't just a human problem...

Banquo's Ghost

03-14-2007, 22:47

I'm layin' this track down for my main man DJ Banquo G. Russian man grows penis on arm (http://www.mosnews.com/news/2005/03/22/miraclesurgery.shtml).

Extraordinary. :stunned:

The field sir, is yours. :bow:

Lemur

03-15-2007, 03:22

Pedophile endorses Obama after rating candidates' kids for "cuteness." (http://news.aol.com/elections/president/story/_a/barack-obama-sues-pedophile-over-photos/20070307164109990001) I dunno if this is News of the Weird or just Weird News.

Obama's lawyers contacted the pedo and demanded a takedown of the pics, which has apparently happened.

Csargo

03-24-2007, 04:48

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070324/ap_on_fe_st/brazil_fried_husband;_ylt=ArHYQ9nWIUI8iNY3i8Ax4p8uQE4F

SAO PAULO, Brazil - A Brazilian housewife was convicted and sentenced to 19 years in prison Friday for killing her husband, chopping his body into small pieces and frying it. Rosanita Nery dos Santos, 52, drugged her husband in his sleep, then stabbed him to death two years ago in Salvador, about 900 miles northeast of Sao Paulo, said police spokesman Idmar Bonfim.

ADVERTISEMENT

She then hacked Jose Raimundo Soares dos Santos' body into more than 100 pieces, which she boiled and fried before hiding in plastic bags beneath a staircase in her house, Bonfim said. He said police discovered the body parts after receiving an anonymous phone call.

Bonfim said the killing was either part of a black magic ritual or an attempt by the wife to collect life insurance worth about $34,000.

Citing testimony from the woman's relatives, he said she may also have committed the crime "to avenge many years of humiliation from her husband." He did not provide further details.

Santos denied killing her husband but said she chopped up his body, Bonfim said.

"She claims masked assailants entered her house, killed her husband and then forced her to cut up the body and fry it because that would prevent the stench of a decomposing body from alerting neighbors," he said.

MMMM everything's better fried.

Crazed Rabbit

03-24-2007, 08:29

Funny thing: a (former) faculty member at my school, a person known to me, made the official News o' the Weird list back in 2001 for sexual deviancy - namely, he pled guilty to luring a minor to his house for sex - though he just wanted her to kick him in the balls repeatedly cause he's a pervert. Unsurprisingly, he neglected to mention his past as a sex offender when working for the university, a couple years after his jail stint. But after he invited some college girls to his hotel for 'self defense classes' - consisting of them kicking him in the balls for hours, the school did a background check and fired his fat ***.

Heh, just checked, and he's still got his facebook page. But his list of friends is slowly decreasing.

Crazed Rabbit

InsaneApache

03-24-2007, 12:29

Crocodiles swarming across northern Australia are heading for a victory — people are to be fined for getting in their way.

and my own personal favourite...

Only a politician could believe that a fine was a greater disincentive to swimming than a crocodile.

:laugh4:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article1555657.ece

Lemur

03-26-2007, 17:58

Another oddity. Texas A&M Coed Killed, Chopped Up And Grilled On Patio by Boyfriend (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070325/ap_on_re_us/student_slain;_ylt=A9G_Ry6pQgZGcQwAIwCs0NUE). "The smell was awful," say neighbors.

Neighbors react to alleged slay-grilling

By MONICA RHOR, Associated Press Writer Sun Mar 25, 6:16 PM ET

HOUSTON - For at least two days, neighbors at a city apartment complex noticed an acrid aroma, black smoke and leaping flames coming from two barbecue grills on the balcony of a second-floor apartment.

What, neighbors at the Red Oak Place apartments wondered, was going on in the unit where 27-year-old Timothy Wayne Shepherd lived? What was he burning at all hours, for days at a time? The answer turned their stomachs.

According to law enforcement officials, Shepherd dismembered, and then burned the body of his former girlfriend, Tynesha Stewart, a 19-year-old Texas A&M University student. Nothing remains of Stewart's body, Harris County Sheriff Tommy Thomas said at a press conference Saturday.

"I just don't know what to think about it," said Louis Evans, whose balcony faces Shepherd's in the quiet tree-lined enclave in northern Houston. "I thought he was a nice normal person. I guess you never know what your neighbors are doing."

Authorities said Shepherd has confessed to strangling and dismembering Stewart, a college freshman who was home on spring break, because he was angry that she had started a new relationship.

Officials first thought Shepherd had disposed of her remains in a large commercial trash bin that had since been emptied, launching an intense debate in the area about whether the Sheriff's Department should conduct a massive and expensive search of area landfills for Stewart's remains.

Stewart was last seen March 15 and was reported missing March 19. The next day the Harris County Sheriff's Office homicide division launched its investigation.

On March 16, neighbors said they first noticed the unusual activity — and the unpleasant odor — on Shepherd's balcony.

"The smell was awful," said Evans, who also became alarmed after seeing a blaze shoot out from the grills. "I was wondering: What is he burning? Not cooking, but burning. There is a difference."

At times, Evans said, the flames from the grills leapt dangerously close to the roof of the balcony. Evans says he called 911, but when firefighters arrived, the flames had calmed and Shepherd assured them everything was under control.

A leasing agent at the apartment complex also noticed the thick dark smoke and the intense flames and asked Shepherd what he was doing, Evans said. Another neighbor, 18-year-old James Hebert, told The Houston Chronicle that he often cooked out with Shepherd, and even left his grill at Shepherd's apartment. When he wasn't invited over, he asked his neighbor what was going on. Shepherd replied that he was cooking for a wedding, the newspaper said.

Dionne Whitaker, 31, who lives in the complex, said she saw Shepherd carry the grill and smoker to a garbage bin a day or so later, the newspaper said.

Human remains generally require extremely high temperatures to destroy, and authorities have not said how it is possible that Stewart's remains could be completely burned on a patio grill.

"This certainly turned out to be one of the most heinous crimes I've ever seen in my 38 years (in law enforcement)," Thomas, the sheriff, said Saturday.

Shepherd, who is charged with murder, is being held on $250,000 bond in the Harris County Jail. Telephone message left with his attorney, Chip Lewis, were not immediately returned. On Sunday, the door to Shepherd's apartment was covered with plywood boards.

Banquo's Ghost

03-26-2007, 19:22

Hmm. Times are tough in the Palestinian enclave at Gaza, but you still need to kill the crocs before they can be used as handbags.

EU snaps up Gaza croc woman (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/6495491.stm).

A Palestinian woman was found to have three live crocodiles strapped to her stomach when she was stopped by EU officials at Gaza's border with Egypt.

The reptiles, each around 40-50cm (15-20 inches) long, were taped to the woman's body beneath her dress.

But despite her loose fitting robe, suspicions were raised by her girth, an EU spokeswoman told the BBC.

The woman told border guards she intended to sell the crocodiles to a zoo in Gaza City.

She was stopped last week but later released.

The reptiles were sent back to Egypt.

EU spokeswoman Maria Telleria Chavarri said the discovery had caused amazement among border officials.

She said border guards have in the past foiled attempts to smuggle exotic birds and two lion cubs into Gaza.

"It's illegal to smuggle such animals. Crocodiles are protected under UN regulations," she added.

The EU's Border Assistance Mission has been assisting with security in the area since November 2005.

Lemur

03-29-2007, 06:15

If there's on thing the world needs, it's a fifty-foot tall Michael Jackson robot with frickin' laser beams for eyes (http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/41620594). And it should menace incoming aircraft.

Michael Jackson wants Vegas robot

03/27/2007 4:00 PM, Yahoo! Music

Michael Jackson is in discussions about creating a 50-foot robotic replica of himself to roam the Las Vegas desert, according to reports.

The pop legend is currently understood to be living in the city, as he considers making a comeback after 2004's turbulent child sex case.

It has now been claimed that his plans include an elaborate show in Vegas, which would feature the giant Jacko striding around the desert, firing laser beams.

If built, the metal monster would apparently be visible to aircraft as they come in to land in the casino capital.

It is the centerpiece of an elaborate Jackson-inspired show in Vegas, according to Andre Van Pier, the robot's designer.

Luckman Van Pier, his partner at the company behind the proposal, claims blueprints have been drawn up for the show and seen by the star.

"Michael's looked at the sketches and likes them," he told the New York Daily News.

On the subject of the robot, he continued: "It would be in the desert sands. Laser beams would shoot out of it so it would be the first thing people flying in would see."

Fisherking

03-29-2007, 07:04

Of all the things no one would want (except MJ) this has got to be on the top of the list...

Maybe he is angling for Vagus to pay him off for not building it???

Any bets?

Crazed Rabbit

03-30-2007, 07:46

So, does this baby (http://www.boston.com/news/odd/articles/2007/03/23/wis_couple_have_baby_at_nearly_100_mph/) break the land speed record, then?
Wis. couple have baby at nearly 100 mph

March 23, 2007

ASHLAND, Wis. --Jereme Tauer Jr. was born at almost 100 mph as his parents hurtled down U.S. Highway 2 in northernmost Wisconsin in a Dodge Neon. His parents, Jereme and Lisa Tauer of Hurley, managed the birth without a doctor, pain medication or even stopping the car.

"We were just shocked," said the baby's grandmother, Billi Tauer of Hurley. "When (her son) called, he was so excited, and we thought it was just over the birth. He's like, 'Ma, ma, ma, we have a boy! We have a boy, we have a boy -- and, and, and, you're not going to believe -- he was born in this car!"

Lisa Tauer's contractions started about 3 a.m. Tuesday. Her husband took their 16-month-old daughter to his parents' home and then returned to take her to the hospital.

"By the time he came back, I was standing on the street and waiting for him to get in my car," she said. "By then, my contractions were 10 minutes apart. So I'm like, 'OK, we have time.'"

But as Lisa, a 28-year-old manager at Fashion Bug, and Jereme, a 29-year-old carpenter and mason, sped toward the hospital, her contractions became more frequent and her water broke.

"I felt like I needed to push, and he was telling me, 'Don't push, just breathe,'" she said. "I was like, 'I can't just breathe. The breathing's not working anymore!'"

She pushed "a little bit" and felt better. Then Jereme turned on the car's interior light, and the surprised couple saw the baby's head.

"I was like, 'I better push it all the way out,'" Lisa Tauer said. "So he was holding onto the head, while I was trying to push."

She reclined her seat as much as possible.

"I was like really high up, so the baby landed right on the seat," Lisa Tauer said.

Her husband was driving at 90 mph to 100 mph and trying to keep an eye on the road.

"I just kind of cradled him as he came out, and watched him, watched the road. Watched him, watched the road," Jereme Tauer Sr. said. "There wasn't even time to stop, to hit the brakes and stop."

With the six-pound, 13-ounce boy in the car, the couple spotted a squad car. Jereme Tauer flashed his lights, pulled over and explained the situation. The officer escorted them to Memorial Medical Center in Ashland, about 220 miles northeast of Minneapolis.

Jereme Tauer said one good thing about the experience is that he won't forget the moment his son was born.

"I had a good look at the time, because it's right by the dashboard," he said. "It was 4:35."

CR

discovery1

03-30-2007, 07:52

CountArach

03-30-2007, 09:32

Why wouldn't you want a 50 foot Michael Jackson in the desert? How awesome would it be to do a drive-by shooting on?

Adrian II

03-30-2007, 10:41

If there's one thing the world needs, it's a fifty-foot tall Michael Jackson robot with frickin' laser beams for eyes (http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/41620594). And it should menace incoming aircraft.Only in Vegas. I love it. Let him have his robot. :laugh4:

BDC

03-30-2007, 12:26

It'd be like having a big sign saying "your children are not safe here!"

Gregoshi

03-30-2007, 12:59

I've watched movies and this Michael Jackson robot sounds like step #1 in a world take-over bid. If he builds it, I'd call in the Science Patrol* to destroy it. :yes:

* from old TV show Ultraman

Lemur

03-30-2007, 17:56

Man gets involved in saw mill accident involving his penis (http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=43397&in_page_id=2). The weird part:

A spokesman for Parafield Gardens Saw Mill said: 'He got caught in the log moving mechanism on one of the saws.' The spokesman maintained that the man's injuries were not serious.

I'm sorry, but when you combine the terms "saw mill" and "penis," it's kinda serious.

Gregoshi

03-30-2007, 19:57

First thought: was it crosscut or ripped?
Second thought: does it really matter? :fainting:

:thinking2:

Pannonian

03-30-2007, 21:56

Anyone who can get BBC should watch this coming week's episode of New Street Law.

From the Radio Times
Wednesday 4 April, New Street Law, 6/6
Jack and Laura defend a man accused of killing a burglar, while Charlie's client is suing his next door neighbour because her dog bit off his testicle.

The writer is someone called Matthew Hall, which I suspect is the RL name of Banquo's Ghost.

Lemur

03-30-2007, 22:27

First thought: was it crosscut or ripped?
Sounds like more of a ripping action (http://www.news.com.au/adelaidenow/story/0,22606,21468867-5006301,00.html).

The man, 30, was working at the Parafield Gardens Saw Mill at about 1.50pm when his crotch and penis became caught in the chain of a piece of machinery.

He was taken to the Royal Adelaide Hospital. It is believed his injuries are not life threatening but he initially suffered uncontrollable bleeding.

Lemur

03-31-2007, 22:31

Bulgaria goes into debt to buy its cash-starved medical system a fleet of Porsche Cayenne ambulances (http://www.autoblog.com/2007/03/30/bulgaria-gets-a-loan-to-buy-fleet-of-porsche-cayenne-ambulances/). Definitely weird.

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/police_car_2.jpg

English assassin

04-03-2007, 12:37

Recent posts have been insufficiently weird for my tastes. I shall be complaining to the management.

In the meantime, here is a four legged duck.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/hampshire/6520965.stm

Also, and I know we do do this every year but it bears repeating, there is still good time to get in training for this year's cheese rolling: http://www.doctordanger.com/other/Cheese.htm

But as they say:

A word of warning: YOU WILL BE INJURED!
Coopers Hill Cheese Rolling and Wake is dangerous and can easily result in serious injury or possibly death. When we had a go in 2002 it seemed someone wound up being karted off in an ambulance after almost every run - and considering only 15 people participate in each run the odds of being injured are not favourable.

Spectators have been known to be injured as well. One year a spectator caught the round of cheese in his head and sent him tumbling down the hill where he received treatment from the paramedics.

Given that each race lasts about 30 seconds, giving a 1 in 15 chance of hospitalisation, does this make cheese rolling statistically the most dangerous sport on earth?

InsaneApache

04-03-2007, 15:44

Perhaps not weird enough for EA but silly nevertheless....

A man with no legs was asked to prove he was disabled before being allowed on to a bus in Manchester.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/6521979.stm

I used to get the #17 bus down Rochdale Rd. to visit my grandad. :yes:

This reminds me of the old joke about a guy with no arms, one leg and three ears waiting for a bus......

When the bus arrives the conductor says...

Hello, hello, hello, you look harmless enough, hop on! :shame:

Gregoshi

04-03-2007, 22:30

Re: the cheese rolling - these folks aren't very sharp. ~D

Banquo's Ghost

04-04-2007, 09:17

Re: the cheese rolling - these folks aren't very sharp. ~D

Makes my blood curdle - not a sensible whey to have fun. :no:

Lemur

04-06-2007, 03:00

30 year old woman lives for a year as a 17-year old boy ... so she can sleep with a 14-year old girl. There must be easier ways to practice lesbian pedophilia (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17944844/) ...

Woman, 30, posed as teenage boy in sex case

By Jackson Holtz, The Everett Herald

EVERETT - An Everett woman who posed as a teenage boy was arrested Sunday for allegedly molesting a 14-year-old girl who believed the older woman was her boyfriend.

Lorelei Josephine Corpuz, 30, lived for more than a year as a 17-year-old boy named "Mark," according to papers filed in Everett District Court.

As "Mark," Corpuz persuaded the girl's family to let "Mark" live in their home as the girl's boyfriend. Corpuz claimed to be an orphan, police alleged.

It wasn't until police arrested Corpuz on Sunday on an unrelated matter that the girl and her family learned that "Mark" was a woman - and almost twice the age they were led to believe, according to court papers.

That's when officers were told that Corpuz allegedly had beaten and sexually assaulted the girl.

"The family was very surprised to learn that this female who had presented herself as a juvenile male was in fact" an adult woman, Everett police Sgt. Robert Goetz said Tuesday.

Police initially arrested Corpuz on a traffic warrant.

On Tuesday, she was being held at the Snohomish County Jail on $150,000 bail for investigation of third-degree child rape. No charges have been filed.

The case may leave lasting emotional scars for the girl and her family, experts said.

"This is an extremely unusual story," said Lucy Berliner, director of the Harborview Center for Sexual Assault and Trauma Stress in Seattle. "Female-on-female sexual abuse is the rarest category. It doesn't happen very often at all."

The girl met "Mark" in September 2005 at a shopping mall, Goetz said.

They spoke over the phone and went on a date, according to court papers.

"Mark" told the girl and her parents that his mother died of cancer and his father killed himself, the papers said.

The girl told police the relationship became abusive and that she was hit weekly and twice was bitten on the back.

Corpuz was driving without a license when police stopped her on Sunday and determined she had a traffic warrant from Marysville for driving without a license.

The 14-year-old was in the car at the time and Corpuz was reluctant to let police talk to the girl, Goetz said.

The girl's parents were called and the family was interviewed. English is not their native language, Goetz said.

Corpuz has a criminal history stretching back to 2001. The state's court computer database lists "Mark" as her alias on a theft case in King County six years ago.

Everett and Marysville police recognized her as a woman. She may have been able to pass herself off as a man when stopped by Lynnwood police earlier this year, however.

In February, a person was stopped for driving with a suspended license in Lynnwood and was using Corpuz's "Mark" alias.

That person has the same height, weight, race and eye color as Corpuz, but police on Tuesday couldn't confirm that it was her. The person was given a ticket and released, said Paul Watkins, a Lynnwood police spokesman.

When posing as a man, Corpuz apparently uses her brother's name and identity, Goetz said.

"She was able to get away with it," he said. "Apparently she's good at what she does."

The combination of being abused - then learning her trust was misplaced - may be especially difficult for the girl, Berliner said.

"One is trauma, the other is shocking," she said. "Having both at the same time is very likely to make the effects of the abuse worse."

The girl needs the loving support of family and friends, said Dr. Frank Ochberg, a Michigan psychiatrist and internationally known expert on the effects of trauma.

"In this kind of case it's almost inevitable that there will be a period of time when the victim blames herself and feels embarrassed," he said.

"A lot of what you deal with is self-blame. You'd think the perpetrator would feel shame and embarrassment, but it doesn't work that way. It's the victim who feels that way."

The girl and her family need to be reassured that this is a highly unusual case, Berliner said.

They shouldn't feel bad.

"Why would you suspect it? How often do people go around lying about their gender?" she said. "It's too weird for people to imagine, so why would you imagine it?"

Hosakawa Tito

04-06-2007, 04:04

Dental hygiene...not (http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/britain_dentist_dc)
Unfreakingbelievable~:eek:

InsaneApache

04-06-2007, 14:26

Dental hygiene...not (http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/britain_dentist_dc)
Unfreakingbelievable~:eek:

My sister-in-law used to go to him. I can't wait to tell her. (we don't get on :laugh4: )

A house near Seattle in the US was emptied of its contents after a hoax advertisement invited people to take whatever they wanted for free.

:laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4: :sweatdrop:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/6532231.stm

Gawain of Orkeny

04-07-2007, 04:05

Well heres one that hits close to home.
This happened at the Theatre down the block from. Let me add that I was a projectionist for 20 years and that my family owns 3 theatres and were all projectionists.

LINK (http://www.news12.com/LI/topstories/article?id=192326)

Movie mix-up creates fright fest in Holtsville

(04/06/07) HOLTSVILLE - Nightmarish images were shown to several children Thursday night after a Holtsville theater made a major movie mix-up, leaving parents livid.

Frank Doll took his 3-year-old son Frankie to see the age-appropriate "The Last Mimzy" at the Island 16 Multiplex. However, he was surprised by what showed up on the big screen. Instead of the children's movie, thriller "The Hills Have Eyes 2" began. The opening scene, which features a woman giving birth to a mutant while chained to a bed, caused families to pick up and run out of the theater.

Watch the video link its even better.

My brother was on the phone to me about this one quick. It must be all over the union. I pity that poor projectionist. I can sympathize with him as well. How did it happen? Well simple he loaded the wrong reel. I rememeber once a long time ago I was showinfg a matinee of Peter Pan. Well guess what. I messed up and loaded the wrong reel. It just so happened we were showing midnight shows of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" I dont know if any of you have seen it but when I threw it on the screen it was right here

http://www.dvdboard.de/dvdreviews/pics/rocky_horror_3.jpg

In case youve never seen the movie or heard the song

The Rocky Horror Picture Show Soundtrack Lyrics

- Sweet Transvestite Lyrics

How d'you do, I see you've met my faithful handyman
He's just a little brought down because when you knocked
He thought you were the candyman.
Don't get strung out by the way that I look,
Don't judge a book by its cover
I'm not much of a man by the light of day,
But by night I'm one hell of a lover

I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania.

So let me show you around, maybe play you a sound
You look like you're both pretty groovy
Or if you want something visual that's not too abysmal
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.

I'm glad we caught you at home, could we use your phone?
We're both in a bit of a hurry.
We'll just say where we are, then go back to the car
We don't want to be any worry.

So you got caught with a flat, well, how about that?
Well babies, don't you panic.
By the light of the night when it all seems alright
I'll get you a satanic mechanic.

I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania.

So why don't you stay for the night? Or maybe a bite?
I could show you my favourite obsession.
I've been making a man with blond hair and a tan
And he's good for relieving my tension

I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania.

So come up to the lab. And see what's on the slab.
I see you shiver with antici... pation!
But maybe the rain isn't really to blame
So I'll remove the cause, but not the symptom.

The mummies werent happy.

CountArach

04-07-2007, 06:16

lol, owned.

Crazed Rabbit

04-07-2007, 06:26

30 year old woman lives for a year as a 17-year old boy ... so she can sleep with a 14-year old girl.

We make 'em weird here on the west side.

CR

InsaneApache

04-07-2007, 08:38

To be honest Gawain there's only a cigarette paper between Peter Pan and Frank'n'furter....:sweatdrop: :laugh4:

Anyway, I wonder if this would be a bit to tough to eat?

A commercial fishing boat has caught what may have been one of the oldest creatures in Alaska - a giant rock-fish thought to be about 100 years old.

The 44in (1.1m), 60lb (27kg) female shortraker rock-fish was hauled in by a Seattle-based vessel, trawling for pollack in the Bering Sea last month.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/6533627.stm

InsaneApache

04-07-2007, 15:36

The dish in front of me is grey and shiny.

"Russian dog," says my waitress Nancy.

"Big dog," I reply.

"Yes," she says. "Big dog's penis..."

Yummy! :sweatdrop:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/5371500.stm

Crazed Rabbit

04-09-2007, 05:40

Man remains mayor after no one votes for him...or for anyone else... (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070405/ap_on_fe_st/no_votes_1)

Never let someone tell you your write in vote for Mickey Mouse won't affect the race.

Crazed Rabbit

Csargo

04-09-2007, 05:53

here (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070409/ap_on_fe_st/vietnam_mouse_on_a_plane;_ylt=Asx4WcVDL545K35j1zRmm50uQE4F)

English assassin

04-11-2007, 10:13

Wow, wait, back up a minute. Big G, you were supposed to be showing a children's matinee Peter Pan, and in fact you loaded the Rocky Horror Picture show, right in the middle of the big Sweet Transvestite number?

First roadieing for Pink Floyd, and now this. You ARE the man. :laugh4:

Lemur

04-12-2007, 15:57

The South African Rape-Stopper (http://blog.wired.com/defense/2007/04/rapestoppers_ra.html) puts the bite on criminals.

Later this month, women there "will be able to arm their vaginas with the Rapex device, a product priced at 1 rand (around 14 cents) and sold over the counter," the Guardian reports. "Shaped like a female condom and worn internally, its hollow interior is lined with 25 razor-sharp teeth, which fasten on to an attacker's penis if he attempts penetration."

The device is "inserted with an applicator like a tampon, and removed with the same applicator," according to the Rapex website. It can stay in for up to 24 hours. And it will be "available in various sizes... small, medium and large."

When should it be worn? "If you have to travel long distances alone, on a train, working late, going out on a date with someone you don’t know too well, going to clubs, or in any situation that you might not feel comfortable or even just not sure."

Company's homepage (http://www.rapestop.net/).

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/IMG_1845.jpg

Evil_Maniac From Mars

04-12-2007, 19:21

Ouch. :help:

doc_bean

04-12-2007, 19:30

Unfortunately, perhaps need in South Africa, from what i hear from a friend who lives there.

Blodrast

04-12-2007, 19:40

Hmm, this will prolly just cause more attention to be paid to the other orifices...

doc_bean

04-12-2007, 19:51

Hmm, this will prolly just cause more attention to be paid to the other orifices...

Those don't cure AIDS, at least.

Lemur

04-13-2007, 20:35

Six-year-old arrested, cuffed, fingerprinted (http://freedominourtime.blogspot.com/2007/04/get-kiddie-cuffs-or-police-state.html) for disrupting her kindergarten class. Best line: “You can't handcuff them on their wrists because their wrists are too small, so you have to handcuff them up by their biceps.”

Get The Kiddie-Cuffs, or Police State Pedagogy

“Do you think this is the first 6-year-old we've arrested?”

This comment by Avon Park, Florida Police Chief Frank Mercurio to New York Times columnist Bob Herbert easily qualifies as the pull-quote of the day, perhaps of the month. Chief Mercurio was justifying the arrest -- complete with handcuffing, fingerprinting, and a mug-shot – of Desre'e Watson, who was eventually charged with a felony (as well as a few misdemeanors) after disturbing her kindergarten class.

“The student became violent,” Mercurio told Herbert. “She was yelling, screaming – just being uncontrollable. Defiant.” Herbert recalls wondering if he'd somehow materialized inside a “Saturday Night Live” sketch (during one of its better years – say, circa 1981) as Mercurio explained the mechanics of applying police restraints to a tiny child: “You can't handcuff them on their wrists because their wrists are too small, so you have to handcuff them up by their biceps.”

I fully expect that someone in the large and growing community of police state profiteers will recognize this market lacuna and produce a line of Kiddie-Cuffs (tm) – perhaps in an assortment of bright, cheerful colors. The incident involving Desre'e Watson isn't unique, after all.

Adrian II

04-13-2007, 20:43

Six-year-old arrested, cuffed, fingerprinted (http://freedominourtime.blogspot.com/2007/04/get-kiddie-cuffs-or-police-state.html) for disrupting her kindergarten class.:stunned:

Blodrast

04-13-2007, 21:13

Wow.
As a side note, I read the comments to the article... and while I certainly admit this is crazy, or even beyond crazy, the truth is... what were the teachers supposed to do ? You can't, God forbid, even touch the child, and of course, being a child, he/she won't listen to reason... so what are your choices, really ?
But hey, smacking is really, really bad for your kids. Well, for the opponents of smacking, I hope you're much happier with handcuffing and arresting.

I know, you'll say that what the heck does smacking have to do with this ?
It does, because I see it as the only realistic alternative to this; I say realistic, because, ideally, the parents would raise nice, quiet, and obeying kids. But in reality, parents won't, and kids will be kids.

So, okay, if smacking is way off topic, then how would any of you suggest cases like this be dealt with ? It's a serious question: a kid is throwing a tantrum, and won't stop no matter what you say to him. What do you do ?

Calling the parent comes to mind, certainly. That means holding the class to a still for maybe an hour or longer, or maybe the parent is simply unavailable/unreachable or can't leave their job at that time (like in this situation). So then what do you do ?
And is it fair for the other kids to freeze the class for an hour or longer, just because one of them feels like kicking and screaming ?
I guess detention (or something similar) comes to mind, although I am not sure how much sense it would make at such an age, and also, if the kid simply doesn't wanna go, you'd have to apply physical force to drag him/her, and we're back to square one...

So, really, does anyone have any ideas ?
Uhm, Lemur, don't mean to hijack your thread. If you don't want this discussion here, let me know, and I'll make a new thread about it, okay ?

Banquo's Ghost

04-14-2007, 09:28

So, really, does anyone have any ideas ?
Uhm, Lemur, don't mean to hijack your thread. If you don't want this discussion here, let me know, and I'll make a new thread about it, okay ?

I think it would be a very good idea to start a new thread.

Not only for your subject, but perhaps for the news item Lemur referred to - can't quite see why it got put in News of the Weird rather than a thread on civil liberties.

Lemur

04-14-2007, 09:38

Not only for your subject, but perhaps for the news item Lemur referred to - can't quite see why it got put in News of the Weird rather than a thread on civil liberties.
Sorry, I thought it was ridiculous. Didn't mean to mislead or distract the Weirdness thread.

As a sleep-deprived dad staying up the night with an infant lemur girl who does not want to sleep, I found this gut-bustingly funny. Not exactly News of the Weird, but I can't think of where else to put it.

Majority of Parents Abuse Children, Children Report (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/majority_of_parents_abuse_children)

It documents abuses ranging from less severe offenses, such as children being denied snacks just before dinner, to more egregious, long-term cases of neglect, such as never ever getting what they want, ever.

"My parents always tell me that I have to finish all my math homework or I won't be allowed to watch TV," said study participant and abuse victim "Derek," 10, who told researchers that some of his earliest memories were of this kind of mistreatment. "They're so mean. I hate them."

"I hate them, I hate them, I hate them," he added.

Banquo's Ghost

04-14-2007, 09:49

Sorry, I thought it was ridiculous. Didn't mean to mislead or distract the Weirdness thread.

Certainly is ridiculous, and perfectly fine in the News of the Weird except that it's also rather serious and might bear discussion.

Crazed Rabbit

04-18-2007, 07:15

Something from Seattle that's outside of the usual duck cases:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070416/ap_on_fe_st/duck_rescue

Seattle man charged in bizarre duck case

Mon Apr 16, 5:38 PM ET

EVERETT, Wash. - A Seattle man has been charged with a slew of crimes that involved an alleged shoplifting, assaults and a pet duck named Mr. Peepers. Snohomish County Deputy Prosecutor Paul Stern on Thursday charged Kenneth Blaine Quinlan, 35, with two counts of third-degree assault and one count each of vehicular assault and hit-and-run.
ADVERTISEMENT

Authorities say that on March 23, Quinlan and his 39-year-old girlfriend drove to a Lynnwood shopping center, where he entered a Linens 'n Things outlet and she went into a Petco store, taking the duck with her.

Stern wrote in court papers that a security guard thought he saw Quinlan shoplift an iPod speaker system, and a scuffle ensued.

Police say the guard chased Quinlan to the Petco store, where Quinlan got the car keys from his girlfriend and tried to escape.

The man jumped into the driver's seat of the car as the woman walked out of the store with her duck. Not knowing what was going on, she tried to stop him from driving away and was knocked down by the open car door as it backed up. She dropped the duck.

A Petco employee saw what was happening and "ran to save Peepers from the front of the car" just as Quinlan drove forward, Stern wrote. The car ran over the woman, inflicting serious injuries including broken bones in her foot and ankle, he said.

Charging papers say Quinlan continued driving and didn't stop until his vehicle struck another car nearby.

The girlfriend and guard were not seriously hurt. Mr. Peepers was OK.

Quinlan was being held in the Snohomish County Jail in lieu of $25,000 bail. A convicted felon and former heroin addict, he told officers that he'd just received a dose of methadone at a Lynnwood clinic and had used cocaine a few days earlier, according to court papers.

CR

Banquo's Ghost

04-18-2007, 09:15

Something from Seattle that's outside of the usual duck cases:

"Duck!"

"NO!" Points frantically. "Duck!"

Gregoshi

04-18-2007, 12:56

:laugh4: :laugh4: BG!! :laugh4: :laugh4:

Quinlan should have known that by bringing a duck along his crime spree would go south...

Hosakawa Tito

04-18-2007, 13:50

Little did the thief realize that super-hero Darkwing Duck was there to foil the fowl deed...
https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v517/hoppy84/DarkwingDuck.gif

Vladimir

04-18-2007, 14:43

Sorry, I thought it was ridiculous. Didn't mean to mislead or distract the Weirdness thread.

As a sleep-deprived dad staying up the night with an infant lemur girl who does not want to sleep, I found this gut-bustingly funny. Not exactly News of the Weird, but I can't think of where else to put it.

Majority of Parents Abuse Children, Children Report (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/majority_of_parents_abuse_children)

It documents abuses ranging from less severe offenses, such as children being denied snacks just before dinner, to more egregious, long-term cases of neglect, such as never ever getting what they want, ever.

"My parents always tell me that I have to finish all my math homework or I won't be allowed to watch TV," said study participant and abuse victim "Derek," 10, who told researchers that some of his earliest memories were of this kind of mistreatment. "They're so mean. I hate them."

"I hate them, I hate them, I hate them," he added.

Hey. I read that off some guy's paper in the Metro last weekend. :laugh4:

Lemur

04-18-2007, 20:14

Is your pooch out of control? Is he humping your favorite chair? Thank goodness for entrepreneurial ingenuity, 'cause now there's a solution.

Hotdoll: The Sex Doll for Dogs (http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/gadgets/hotdoll-the-sex-doll-for-dogs-253334.php)

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/hotdoll1.jpg

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/hotdoll2.jpg

TB666

04-18-2007, 21:02

:inquisitive: They even got a selection I see.

Big King Sanctaphrax

04-19-2007, 00:07

Crematoria not big enough for fatties. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6566953.stm)

Louis VI the Fat

04-19-2007, 00:21

Bell ringer catapulted into tower
(http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/essex/6568235.stm)

Gregoshi

04-19-2007, 01:56

Crematoria not big enough for fatties. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6566953.stm)

As part of a £1.2m refurbishment, a new furnace at Mintlyn Crematorium in Bawsey was recently installed by King's Lynn and West Norfolk Council to accommodate coffins a metre wide.

What a waist.

InsaneApache

04-19-2007, 11:29

I'm with the gee-gees on this one....:sweatdrop:

As true proponents of the rock'n'roll lifestyle, the Rolling Stones are no strangers to drug scandals. But the latest brouhaha does not involve band members Mick Jagger or Keith Richards, it focuses on about 300 horses stabled near a Belgrade stadium where the Stones are to perform in July.

http://music.guardian.co.uk/news/story/0,,2060730,00.html

Imagine that? Getting stoned at a Stones gig! Perish the thought. :laugh4:

Vladimir

04-19-2007, 12:46

Crematoria not big enough for fatties. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6566953.stm)

[/B]

But from a legal standpoint, no statement was made on timing or theoretical access, just the procedure used itself.

Problem solved by merging backroom threads. We could rule the world you know. And don't tell me I'm off topic.

edit: I'm afraid it almost entirely was. -Kukri

doc_bean

04-21-2007, 17:41

A man was sentenced yesterday for organizing sex parties with ponies and spreading the pictures on the internet. The 'public party' was an animal rights organization.

link in Dutch (http://www2.vrtnieuws.net/cm/vrtnieuws.net/nieuws/regionaal/Antwerpen/070420_pony_veroordeling)

Lemur

04-23-2007, 15:25

Kim Jong Il cannot resist eating giant rabbits (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/europe/article1615350.ece). But, great leader, they were meant for breeding ...

Mr Szmolinsky said he suspected that his rabbits, which grow to the size of dogs and can weigh over 10kg (22lb), were eaten at a birthday banquet for Kim Jong Il, the North Korean leader, although he emphasised that he had no evidence of this.

“It’s an assumption, not an assertion,” Mr Szmolinsky said. “But I don’t think the animals are alive anymore, I think they’ve been eaten.”

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/0102077418700.jpg https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/0102077419300.jpg

Husar

04-23-2007, 15:42

I don't think a fox would dare hunting THAT rabbit!~:eek:

Louis VI the Fat

04-23-2007, 15:52

Kim Jong Il cannot resist eating giant rabbits (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/europe/article1615350.ece)Aaah, you're still to weird news what Gregoshi is to puns. :2thumbsup:

As a salute to your greatness: Humans ate giant Lemur to extinction (http://www.meta-religion.com/Archaeology/Other/humans_eat_giant_lemur.htm)

Hepcat

04-24-2007, 03:13

Lemur

04-24-2007, 03:47

Humans ate giant Lemur to extinction (http://www.meta-religion.com/Archaeology/Other/humans_eat_giant_lemur.htm)
That is the saddest, most depressing thing this lemur has read in ages. Only one thing could cheer me up:

Drill Sergeant Forces Recruits to Dress As Superman, Re-Enact Porno Movies (http://content.hamptonroads.com/story.cfm?story=120544&ran=195809)

Fort Eustis drill sergeant faces charges of molesting trainees

Associated Press, March 4, 2007

HAMPTON -- A drill sergeant at Fort Eustis is accused of forcing a male trainee to dress as Superman and submit to sexual acts, according to court documents.

Army Staff Sgt. Edmundo F. Estrada, 35, of Hampton, also faces charges of indecent assault, having an inappropriate relationship with a trainee, and cruelty and maltreatment of subordinates, Fort Eustis spokeswoman Karla Gonzalez said.

Estrada was arraigned in January and is scheduled to appear April 17 in a military court. He remains on active duty but is no longer a drill sergeant, Gonzalez said.

According to a search warrant affidavit filed in Hampton Circuit Court, officials began investigating Estrada in August after a soldier reported Estrada mistreated and sexually assaulted him.

The soldier told Estrada that he felt depressed after being relieved of his training status, and said Estrada suggested "a technique that he had used previously to help soldiers with their self-confidence and alleviate depression," the affidavit said.

The technique involved role-playing scenes from a pornographic movie, which depicted a Superman character weakened by Kryptonite as the subject of sexual torture.

"Estrada would verbally describe a sexual act of torture, relating to the pornographic movie, and (the victim) was to respond in a sexual manner by moaning," the affidavit said. The soldier also said he eventually was forced to "dress in a 'Superman' or similar outfit" while Estrada performed sexual acts on him.

The soldier reported he felt if he didn't obey the requests, "Estrada would negatively affect his reclassification efforts."

Soldiers from Estrada's previous unit reported Estrada told them to shed their shirts "so he could photograph their bodies in order to document physical development," the affidavit said. Others described being ordered to "dress up and pose in spandex and then told not to mention it to anyone."

Lemur

04-24-2007, 05:44

Man castrates himself in London restaurant. (http://www.theage.com.au/news/world/man-cuts-off-penis-in-restaurant/2007/04/24/1177180616327.html) On purpose.

Man cuts off penis in restaurant

April 24, 2007 - 11:21AM

A man cut off his penis with a knife at a London restaurant on Sunday evening, according to British tabloid The Sun.

The newspaper reports police were called to Zizzi in The Strand in central London at 9pm after reports of a man in possession of a knife.

According to witnesses, the man ran into the restaurant kitchen, grabbed a knife.

Sales rep Stuart McMahon told The Sun: "This guy came running in then charged into the kitchen, got a massive knife and started waving it about.

"Everyone was screaming and running out as he jumped on a table, dropped his trousers and popped his penis out.

"Then he cut it off. I couldn't believe it."

A Scotland Yard spokeswoman told The Sun a man aged between 30 and 40 was the only person injured and that his injuries were self-inflicted.

She said he was taken to a south London hospital where his condition was today described as stable.

Gregoshi

04-24-2007, 06:22

The waiter told the man he didn't want a tip...

lars573

04-24-2007, 06:27

Florida Doctor arrested in Captain America suit. With Burrito stuffed down tights.

MELBOURNE, Fla. -- A Brevard County doctor dressed up in a Captain America outfit was arrested with a burrito in his tights. What he allegedly did at the police station got him into more trouble.

Doctor Raymond Adamcik, 54, would probably rather forget about the weekend when he was arrested on charges of battery, disorderly conduct, drug possession and trying to destroy evidence. It's not what you would expect from a doctor or Captain America.

The Palm Bay family physician was at On Tap bar as part of a pub-crawl with other medical professionals. It was a sort of costume party on a bus that would take them around from bar to bar.

Everything was fine until, witnesses said, Captain America started getting too forward with a burrito he kept tucked inside his blue tights, a burrito that ultimately landed him in jail.

It's certainly not the Captain America from the comic books. This one is accused of sinister deeds more fitting of a villain than a superhero.

On Saturday night, when a costume party full of medical professionals stopped at On Tap Cafe, police said Adamcik had a burrito stuffed below the waistband of his costume and was asking women if they want to touch it. When one refused, he allegedly took out the burrito and groped her.

The woman called police and, when they arrived, the officers wrote in their report "there were so many cartoon characters in the bar at the time, all Captain America's were asked to go outside for a possible identification."

The woman pointed out Adamcik and the burrito was found in his boot. He was taken to the police station. There, while in a holding cell, police said, he asked to use the bathroom and tried to flush a joint, also hidden in his blue tights, down the toilet.

"The officer observed him try to flush something into the toilet. He tried to flush it. The officer was able to reach inside and grab part of what he tried to flush," said Jill Frederiksen, Melbourne Police Department.

The doctor wasn't in when Eyewitness News went by and didn't return calls. He may now have to rely on a lawyer instead of his superpowers to get him out of the jam.

"This is definitely an unusual situation. We don't usually arrest people in costume," Frederiksen said.

No super powers got Adamcik out of jail. He needed $2,000 cash bail and then, once he got out of jail, he still stopped to pose for pictures on the way out. It is unclear right now whether the doctor could lose his medical license if he's convicted.

http://www.wftv.com/2007/0423/12921992.jpg

Gregoshi

04-24-2007, 06:42

A burrito and marijuana - I guess Capt. America couldn't find a good burger joint... :laugh4:

InsaneApache

04-24-2007, 08:04

Following on from my post about being fined for swimmig with crocodiles......

A schoolboy who climbed over a fence into a crocodile enclosure and taunted the animals with sticks and a catapult was dragged into the water and eaten.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/china/article1690634.ece

I loved this quote.

I wonder if the croc was hungry an hour later?

:sweatdrop:

Lemur

04-24-2007, 14:53

InsaneApache, that was a fantastic article. For my money, the best quote:

The latest scandal to attract public attention came last year in Shanghai when a city zoo cancelled its “Animal Olympics” after shows featuring boxing matches between kangaroos and their keepers, bears fighting and riding bicycles and an elephant tug-of-war drew unwelcome publicity.

Gregoshi

04-24-2007, 19:34

(sing to "Louie, Louie")

Liu Liu, oh no
Me gotta go
Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said
Liu Liu, oh baby
Me gotta go

Fine little croc waits for me
Catapult & sticks the croc to tease
Got bit 'n' pulled down all alone
Inside croc handbag I'll make it home

Oh Liu Liu...

Tasteless, I know.:shame:

Crazed Rabbit

04-26-2007, 04:10

Well, it's not news, but I don't know where else to put it, but it is funny and government related:

http://www.irs.gov/publications/p525/ar02.html#d0e7770

Look down at the fifth thing under 'Other Income'.

Yeah, I'll get right on that, after I turn myself in!

CR

Lemur

04-26-2007, 05:11

There's even better further down:

Illegal income. Illegal income, such as money from dealing illegal drugs, must be included in your income on Form 1040, line 21, or on Schedule C or Schedule C-EZ (Form 1040) if from your self-employment activity.
And I can't believe you haven't commented on the sad fate of the giant German rabbits.

InsaneApache

04-26-2007, 11:29

Four weddings and a tin of beans...

Actor Hugh Grant has been arrested over an allegation he attacked a photographer in London, before throwing a tub of food at him.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6595297.stm

:laugh4:

Well he's gone up in my estimation, 57 varieties, 56 to go...:laugh4: :2thumbsup: :whip:

Banquo's Ghost

04-26-2007, 12:15

A man has been flung out of a plane by his trousers (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/04/26/wallace_joins_the_swedish_airforce/).

A Swedish pilot was flung out of his aircraft by a malfunctioning pair of hi-tech trousers, it has been revealed.

The incident, which took place last week, was reported in The Local yesterday. It seems the stick-jockey in question was a Swedish air force officer flying a Saab Gripen fighter.

Fighter pilots typically wear a "G-suit", also known as "speed jeans". This is a pair of special inflatable trousers which are automatically pumped up as G-forces build up in high-energy manoeuvres. The squeeze on the pilot's legs prevents all his blood draining into them, which helps in avoiding blackouts or tunnel vision.

In this case, however, it appears that the automated expando-pants tragically malfunctioned, triggering the luckless birdman's ejection seat and firing him violently out of the jet. The Gripen subsequently plunged to total destruction in a remote region, but the pilot parachuted to safety.

Swedish forces investigators said it was "very likely" that the deadly trousers were to blame for the incident.

"When subjected to large forces the suit fills with air. This is thought to have affected the ejector switch," said Mats Helgesson of the Swedish central command. There was no suggestion, sadly, of any involvement by sinister artificial intelligence tech, perhaps wishing to rid itself of old-school fleshy control and fly free like its prospective American flying-robot brethren. This was a purely trouser-based disaster.

The rogue apparel is apparently used in all Gripens of the C and D marks, and as a result these planes are forbidden from exceeding 3G until further notice. Older A and B model jets don't use the Wallace-&-Gromit-esque strides, and can still be flown without restriction.

Gives a whole new meaning to "flying by the seat of your pants".

InsaneApache

04-26-2007, 12:37

I do hope that he aint Gripe-n about it. :embarassed:

Gregoshi

04-26-2007, 12:56

There's even better further down:

And I can't believe you haven't commented on the sad fate of the giant German rabbits.

It's too much of a Herr*-raising tail for CR to deal with at the moment.

* I know I already punned on "Herr" pun this past week, but I couldn't resist the double "hair/hare" pun Lemur served up.

Gregoshi

04-26-2007, 13:07

Four weddings and a tin of beans...

Hugh Grant is a member of the "has beans" club?

The rogue apparel is apparently used in all Gripens of the C and D marks...

I'll bet the pilot left a mark (as in skid-) of his own in the pants when he was unexpected ejected from the jet. And speaking of unexpected ejections...

InsaneApache

04-26-2007, 13:31

Hugh Grant is a member of the "has beans" club?

The actor Hugh Grant has been arrested over an allegation that he assaulted a paparazzi photographer with a tub of baked beans.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/crime/article/0,,2066064,00.html

Like I said, one down 56 to go....:sweatdrop:

Gregoshi

04-26-2007, 13:41

Banquo's Ghost

04-26-2007, 16:07

:laugh4: You are SaneApache in my book. You deftly ignored the perilous pun and answered the question as if it was punless. If only others would follow your lead, there'd be less :wall: at my posts. :bow:

That's because I warned him he would be pun-ished if he encouraged you.

Oops. :embarassed:

Banquo's Ghost

04-26-2007, 16:27

Japanese actress blows lid off sheep-poodle (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/04/26/ovine_poodle_scam/) scam.

A Japanese actress inadvertantly blew the lid off a scam which had duped thousands of women into buying coiffured sheep in the belief they were poodles, the Evening Standard reports.

Maiko Kawakami appeared on a TV talk show with snaps of her pet, and admitted she wondered why it "didn't bark and refused to eat dog food". She was soon set straight - her dog was in fact a sheep.

The revelation provoked a stream of women to contact the cops with "similar problems". The powers that be reckon that as many as 2,000 have fallen victim to the audacious ovine poodle con, perpetrated by internet company "Poodles as Pets", which offered the animals at £630 a pop.

A police spokesman told The Sun: "We launched an investigation after we were made aware that a company was selling sheep as poodles. Sadly, we think there is more than one company operating in this way. The sheep are believed to have been imported from overseas - Britain and Australia."

In case you're wondering how on God's Green Earth you could mistake a sheep for a dog, the Standard explains that poodles are "extremely rare in Japan, with many people having little idea what they look like". No, we're not convinced either.

Barking, the lot of 'em. Or rather, not barking.

Agent Miles

04-26-2007, 16:44

http://www.express.de/servlet/Satellite?pagename=XP/index&pageid=1004979498952&rubrik=220&artikelid=1177082132167

Apparently, a couple in Wellington, New Zealand discovered that their 7 year old granddaughter’s order from McDonald's contained a tasty burger…and a condom. It was after all, a “Happy Meal”.

Louis VI the Fat

04-26-2007, 17:28

Agent Miles

04-26-2007, 18:13

No doubt the grandparents had ordered a Big N' Tasty with special sauce on his McNuggets.

ShadesPanther

04-26-2007, 19:35

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/north_east/6595037.stm
Stripogram charged for wearing a police uniform in the street

Gregoshi

04-26-2007, 20:16

Wonder if they strip searched him?

Anyway, next time he should be an undercover cop.

Vladimir

04-26-2007, 21:19

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/north_east/6595037.stm
Stripogram charged for wearing a police uniform in the street

"They followed me into the bar, watched the show, then asked me to go back to the station.

The student uses his act to supplement his income

"It was all quite friendly. When I went back later they said they were going to charge me.

Just when I thought the English couldn't get any gayer. :cheerleader:

Pannonian

04-26-2007, 21:34

Morgue staff found dead man very much alive (http://news.independent.co.uk/europe/article2486783.ece)

By Ed Carty, PA
Published: 26 April 2007

A disabled man pronounced dead by medics in an Irish hospital was later found to be very much alive by staff from the morgue, the hospital said today.

The patient, in his 30s, had been in the Mater Hospital, Dublin, for treatment on Easter Sunday when ward staff mistakenly certified his death.

But by the time the error was spotted his family had already been informed and were grieving for their loss.

A spokesman for the Mater confirmed what had happened and management have set up an inquiry to establish how medics made such a huge blunder.

It is understood ward staff declared the man dead on Easter Sunday and contacted morticians that a body had to be collected.

The man's family were contacted around the same time and informed of their supposed loss.

The error was then discovered when staff from the morgue arrived on the ward to take the body away and discovered that the patient was in fact alive.

It is understood that he has since been discharged from the hospital and has gone home.

Lemur

04-27-2007, 00:06

Stripogram charged for wearing a police uniform in the street
I don't quite see how anyone could have been confused:

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/_42850605_stripperpa203.jpg

This rather reminds me of the infamous Onion article (http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/seriously_ladies_there_have) ...

Crazed Rabbit

04-27-2007, 00:21

There's even better further down:

And I can't believe you haven't commented on the sad fate of the giant German rabbits.

Actually, those were rabbit commandos. I'm not supposed to tell you this, but no one would believe you anyway, so here goes; the rabbits sent to Korea were specially trained soldiers. While to the outside world it looks as though Kim has eaten the rabbits, in reality the rabbits, once inside his palace, killed their captors and have assumed control of the state of North Korea.

The Leporidae Army now controls several nuclear bombs and a million soldiers. Also, any possible irregularities regarding the manner in which we manage N. Korea can easily be explained away.

It is only a matter of time before we can hold the capitals of the greatest nations on earth for nuclear ransom. Then, humanity will be ruled at the whim of your rabbit overlords.

CR
PS We do find it amusing your tax agency requires you to report illegal income.

InsaneApache

04-27-2007, 14:21

You really couldn't make it up. Ruth is surely stranger than Richard.

A one-legged transvestite drummer has been evicted for playing her collection of instruments too loudly.

Helen Lesley Von Hessler frequently bashed away on drums, an organ, guitar and a harp until late at night.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/6599563.stm

Now it's been a few years since I last had a go at the old drum kit, however I do remember having to use both feet, one for the hi-hat the other for the bass.

Worst of all, the poor dear has had to go and live in Reading. Oh the cruel and unusual punishments we inflict! :laugh4:

Lemur

04-27-2007, 17:08

MIT admissions dean resigns, 'cause she lied all over her resume (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18335104/). The irony, oh, the irony ...

Husar

04-27-2007, 17:21

Japanese actress blows lid off sheep-poodle (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/04/26/ovine_poodle_scam/) scam.

Barking, the lot of 'em. Or rather, not barking.
I just came across a link with a nice picture.:2thumbsup:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2007190295,00.html

Marshal Murat

04-27-2007, 20:51

Goofball

04-27-2007, 22:57

Student Arrested for Creative Writing (http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/04/27/student.essay.arrest.ap/index.html)

I'm really split on what to say.
He followed instructions, and the wording made it sound like a big joke.
Overreaction or 1984?

This is a clear case of overreaction on the school's part. The written instructions for the assignment said "write whatever comes to your mind. Do not judge or censor what you are writing," so this kid follows the instructions, then gets thrown out of school and arrested.

Nice. Thoughtcrime enters the public education system.

Hosakawa Tito

04-27-2007, 23:16

Kilroy was here. (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070427/ap_on_re_us/time_capsule)

Hosakawa Tito

04-27-2007, 23:22

Sometimes free is not good. (http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/germany_thief_dc)

Goofball

04-27-2007, 23:27

Sometimes free is not good. (http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/germany_thief_dc)

Wow, am I ever glad to hear I'm not the only one who has ever fallen for that one...

~:doh:

Hosakawa Tito

04-27-2007, 23:52

^^:laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4: ^^

Lemur

04-28-2007, 01:34

Japanese actress blows lid off sheep-poodle (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/04/26/ovine_poodle_scam/) scam.
Sadly, this is a fake. (http://www.snopes.com/critters/lurkers/poodlesheep.asp)

[edit]

But that's okay, because here in the U.S.A., a woman was duped into having sex by being told it was a penis cream treatment. (http://www.thisispembrokeshire.net/display.var.1351648.0.woman_tricked_into_sex_by_*****_cream_treatment.php)

Blodrast

04-28-2007, 05:00

Sadly, this is a fake. (http://www.snopes.com/critters/lurkers/poodlesheep.asp)

[edit]

But that's okay, because here in the U.S.A., a woman was duped into having sex by being told it was a penis cream treatment. (http://www.thisispembrokeshire.net/display.var.1351648.0.woman_tricked_into_sex_by_*****_cream_treatment.php)

Isn't it in the UK, though ?

Csargo

04-28-2007, 05:08

hahahaha (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070427/ap_on_re_us/time_capsule;_ylt=As30l4Rc764nOVwPN7jwjJUZ.3QA)

lars573

04-29-2007, 04:50

Botched surgery leaves woman pooing out the wrong hole. (http://www.setexasrecord.com/news/193627-episiotomy-delivers-doctor-to-court) :fainting:

Detroit police sergeart under investigation for making two couple have sex for his enjoyment in their car to avoid a fine/ (http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070420/NEWS01/704200326/1003/NEWS01)

Lemur

04-29-2007, 06:15

Sony promotes Playstation game with a decapitated goat. (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=451414&in_page_id=1770&ct=5) No, really.

The corpse of the decapitated animal was the centrepiece of a party to celebrate the launch of the God Of War II game for the company’s PlayStation 2 console.

Guests at the event were even invited to reach inside the goat’s still-warm carcass to eat offal from its stomach.

Husar

04-29-2007, 11:25

That's such a bad move from Sony, I almost can't believe it, only the girl on the pic cheers me up a bit.~;)
I mean so many politicians say gamers are bloodthirsty potential killers and instead of proving they're not, they go and make a bloody promotion campaign, a good way to convince politicians that games aren't all about blood these days.:dizzy2:

Husar

04-29-2007, 20:28

65 million $ for missing pants (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/25/AR2007042502763_pf.html) wants a lawyer from a cleaning company.:dizzy2:

Gregoshi

04-30-2007, 04:55

The pantsless lawyer thoroughly disgusts me. Lock him up and throw away the key.

To pun: without his pants, lawyer Pearson is left only with his legal briefs with which to press his case against the cleaners.

Lemur

05-01-2007, 01:01

Everything I learned from pornography is wrong. Lesbians are twice as likely as hetero women to be overweight. (http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,21635542-5012769,00.html) Gah!

Lesbians are twice as likely as heterosexual women to be overweight or obese, which puts them at greater risk for obesity-related health problems and death, US researchers said.

The report, published in the American Journal of Public Health, is one of the first large studies to look at obesity among lesbians.

Ulrike Boehmer of the Boston University School of Public Health and colleagues looked at a 2002 national survey of almost 6000 women, and found that lesbians were 2.69 times more likely to be overweight and 2.47 times more likely to be obese.

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/lesbians.jpg

drone

05-01-2007, 15:20

Vladimir

05-01-2007, 15:53

This is a clear case of overreaction on the school's part. The written instructions for the assignment said "write whatever comes to your mind. Do not judge or censor what you are writing," so this kid follows the instructions, then gets thrown out of school and arrested.

Nice. Thoughtcrime enters the public education system.

"Defense attorney Dane Loizzo said Allen Lee has never been disciplined in school and signed Marine enlistment papers last week."

Hah! :2thumbsup:

What makes the grass grow?

Gregoshi

05-01-2007, 21:57

"Defense attorney Dane Loizzo said Allen Lee has never been disciplined in school and signed Marine enlistment papers last week."

Hah! :2thumbsup:

What makes the grass grow?

The other side of de-fence?

InsaneApache

05-02-2007, 13:03

It was a perfect sunny morning. Cornish fishermen Chris Earl and Tony Allsopp were chugging out to sea on their boat, Spilgarn, to check on their lobster pots.

And then the deer, all antlers and big worried eyes, swam past. "It's not the sort of creature you expect to see half a mile out," said Mr Earl yesterday.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,,2070205,00.html

~:doh: :fishing:

Lemur

05-03-2007, 23:53

Porn played on Disney Channel. (http://www.philly.com/philly/news/weird_news/20070502_ap_pornplayedondisneychannelinnj.html) "Programming error," says Comcast, in fit of understatement.

Cable operator Comcast is investigating how hardcore pornography was broadcast during a popular cartoon program on the Disney Channel.

Customer Paul Dunleavy would also like to know. He was stunned Tuesday morning to find his 5-year-old son watching something other than "Handy Manny," a cartoon about a bilingual Latino handyman and his talking tools.

"It was two people doing their thing, it was full-on and it was disgusting," the Middletown father of three told The New York Daily News for Wednesday newspapers. "I couldn't believe it."

Gregoshi

05-04-2007, 01:31

..."Handy Manny," a cartoon about a bilingual Latino handyman and his talking tools.
Sounds like porn to me. :inquisitive:

English assassin

05-04-2007, 13:07

remember the man who married a goat? Well, the path of true love rarely runs smooth:

Sudan's goat wife chokes to death

A goat that gained international notoriety last year after getting married to a Sudanese man who indecently assaulted her has died after accidentally choking on a plastic bag.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/sudan/story/0,,2072519,00.html

However at the end of the story we read:

Following the marriage Rose had a male kid, but "not a human one", Mr Rhodes said.

Sooo, the hussy was obviously having sex with a male goat, as well as her lawful wedded husband Mr Tombe. Oooh, i'm sure she said that the kid looked just like Mr Tombe, but he could tell she was lying.

Her death, an accident? I think not. Crime of passion for sure.

Pannonian

05-04-2007, 15:41

I feel the Backroom has been derailed in recent times, filling up with political discussions which, quite frankly, no-one is interested in, and detracting from its true spirit. So, to redress matters, here's a good old-fashioned genital mutilation story, from today's Metro (Fri May 4 2007).

Soldier sues over missing testicle

A soldier who had a testicle amputated after being kneed in the crotch during his training yesterday launched a damages claim from the Ministry of Defence. David Shaun Best, 23, of Shrewsbury, Wiltshire, was injured in a wrestling exercise with a fellow recruit. He is making a six figure claim for the injury and the loss of (a) promising career in the Welsh Guards. The MoD denies liability.

Lemur

05-04-2007, 15:47

I'm really broken up about the goat wife. I thought they would live out their years together in bliss. Oh well.

Meanwhile, a Boeing 737 has been abandoned in the middle of a major city (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/6620461.stm) (Mumbai).

The decommissioned aircraft was being driven through the city at the weekend when the driver got lost and then abandoned the plane.

The Boeing used to belong to the private company Air Sahara.

Some locals are angry that no action is being taken to move the plane. Others say it is a tourist attraction.

It appears that after taking a wrong turn, the driver found himself facing a flyover that was too low for him to take the plane under.

The driver has not been seen since and no-one is assuming responsibility for the 737.

Pannonian

05-04-2007, 16:14

It appears that after taking a wrong turn, the driver found himself facing a flyover that was too low for him to take the plane under.

:laugh4:

Husar

05-04-2007, 16:29

:laugh4:

So he couldn't go on and just went home and now noone cares about the plane? Only in India I guess.

:laugh4:

Gregoshi

05-04-2007, 16:50

The driver has not been seen since...
Boeing, Boeing, gone!

And regarding the soldier with the missing "man", I'll pass on the obvious "doesn't have the balls to join the Welsh Guard" pun...

English assassin

05-04-2007, 17:03

Boeing, Boeing, gone!

:2thumbsup:

Its like Greg's got some weird form of punning tourettes isn't it?

Marshal Murat

05-05-2007, 01:26

Flying by the Seat of his Pants (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18491561/)

A very unusual South African case.

Gregoshi

05-05-2007, 01:58

Flying by the Seat of his Pants (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18491561/)

A very unusual South African case.

So the robbers glued his maximus to the bike seat... :inquisitive:

Xiahou

05-05-2007, 05:51

Seems like the place for this story:
Canadian MP Wants Bigfoot Given Endangered Species Protection (http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070502/wl_canada_afp/canadauspoliticsanimaloffbeat_070502173737)

"The debate over their (Bigfoot's) existence is moot in the circumstance of their tenuous hold on merely existing," reads a petition presented by Lake to parliament in March and due to be discussed next week.

Reminds me of a bit from Futurama:

Narrator: [voice-over; in movie] Bigfoot ... [A hand stamps some words over the caption.] ... Endangered Mystery! [The movie shows a map of North America.] In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest ... [The scene changes to the Patterson-Gimlin film.] ... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps.

[In the movie the Clearcutter cuts down some trees.]

Narrator: [voice-over; in movie] Sadly, logging and human settlement today threaten what might possibly be his habitat. Although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. [The scene changes to some rocks.] They typically dwell just behind rocks but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas.

[The scene changes to a foggy forest. Park talks on the phone at the back of the room.]

[In the movie someone photographs the woods.]

Narrator: [voice-over; in movie] Remember, it's up to us. Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive for future generations to enjoy unless he doesn't exist. The end.

Banquo's Ghost

05-05-2007, 09:05

So the robbers glued his maximus to the bike seat... :inquisitive:

Arggh.

C'mon Kukri, let me ban him now. Pleeease.

Maestro.:wink: :2thumbsup:

discovery1

05-06-2007, 06:01

Spider venom could boost sex life

Their investigation follows reports that men bitten by the Phoneutria nigriventer experienced priapism - long and painful erections.

A two-year study has found that the venom contains a toxin, called Tx2-6, that causes erections.

Further tests are being carried out in the US before the substance can be approved for human use.

The results, from the Medical College of Georgia, are expected in a month's time.

The bite of Phoneutria nigriventer, known as the Brazilian wandering spider, is potent and can be deadly in some cases.

The Brazilian and US researchers interviewed men who claimed their sex lives had improved after a spider attack.

The relevant toxin identified in the venom has been tested successfully on other animals.

So far, scientists believe that combining a version of the spider's venom with an existing drug for erectile dysfunction - such as Viagra, Cialis or Levtra - could produce better results.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6625397.stm

Gregoshi

05-06-2007, 06:32

:spider:Don't we already have sex on the Web? :inquisitive:

Uesugi Kenshin

05-07-2007, 10:35

Don't they already have warnings against erections that last too long???

Do the drugs really need to function any better?

Big King Sanctaphrax

05-07-2007, 15:44

I wouldn't say a priapism is something that improves your sex life...

Lemur

05-07-2007, 20:04

I, for one, welcome our new priapic overlords.

In other news, a boy had spiders living in his ear (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,21685997-2,00.html).

A nine-year-old American boy who was suspicious of a "Rice Krispie" sound in his ear, was found to have a couple of spiders living in there.

What began as a faint popping turned into ear ache for Jesse Courtney from Albany in the state of Oregon.

Jesse's mother, Diane Courtney, said her son insisted he kept hearing a faint popping in his ear - "like Rice Krispies''.

"They were walking on my eardrums,'' Jesse said, according to the Associated Press.

[edit]

Found a video link (http://www.cnn.com/video/player/player.html?url=/video/offbeat/2007/05/07/smith.or.spiderboy.kgw). Disgusting!

English assassin

05-08-2007, 11:58

:spider:Don't we already have sex on the Web? :inquisitive:

HOW....DOES....HE.....DO....IT?

and why...

:laugh4:

Gregoshi

05-08-2007, 14:05

I, for one, welcome our new priapic overlords.

The Rise and Fall of the Priapic Empire by Dr. Yuri Ologie

Lemur

05-08-2007, 16:49

Man wants compensation for being told he is going to live. (http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070507/od_nm/britain_spree_dc;_ylt=AnEZTe.P8VOYecuQA68OI7bMWM0F)

John Brandrick, 62, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer two years ago and told that he would probably die within a year.

He quit his job, sold or gave away nearly all his possessions, stopped paying his mortgage and spent his savings dining out and going on holiday.

Brandrick was left with little more than the black suit, white shirt and red tie that he had planned to be buried in when it emerged a year later that his suspected "tumor" was no more than a non-life threatening inflammation of the pancreas.

"When they tell you you've got a limited time and everything, you do enjoy life," Brandrick, from Cornwall in the west of England, told Sky television.

"I'm really pleased that I've got a second chance in life... but if you haven't got no money after all this, which is my fault -- I spent it all -- they should pay something back."

Marshal Murat

05-08-2007, 21:24

That ruins your day.

Pannonian

05-09-2007, 17:06

Does anyone remember Time Commanders? (http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2007210235,00.html)

Princes' war tutor sex swap

By TOM NEWTON DUNN
and VIRGINIA WHEELER
May 08, 2007

A TOP male lecturer at Sandhurst who taught Princes William and Harry has won his own war — to be a woman.

Officer Cadets returned to the elite military academy for a new term yesterday to find pipe-smoking Dr Aryeh Nusbacher is now Lynette.

Dr Nusbacher, 40 — already tagged “Mrs Gunfire” — is believed to have had the sex change op in the past few weeks.

On top of giving her the title of Ma’am, cadets have been ordered to treat her with full respect.

Sandhurst’s Commandant, Major General Peter Pearson, has warned that any jokes or snide remarks by pupils or staff will be severely punished.

The US-born professor, married with a young daughter, is still living with wife Melanie and family in nearby Guildford, Surrey.

A friend of Lynette’s said: “She’s a very brave girl.

“A stiff upper lip military environment such as Sandhurst is about the hardest place to come out.”

As well as teaching at Sandhurst the professor is known to viewers of the BBC2 war game show Time Commanders and History Channel documentaries.

Her wife said yesterday: “She does not wish to talk to you about a private matter.”

Any former students here of Dr. Lynette?

Don Corleone

05-09-2007, 18:27

Yay! I finally get to join in this esteemed group.
Drunken Lithuanian students break into zoo... proceed to get butt kicked by giraffe (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18562479/). :stars: :smash:

Lemur

05-09-2007, 19:24

Welcome to the weird zone, Don!

In deference to Gregoshi, I'm going to stick my neck out and say those students should have legged it.

Ruta Greiciute, a 22-year-old student at Kaunas Technology University, was hospitalized with a broken collar bone and nose after the 9-year-old male giraffe, named Solut, attacked her.

Gregoshi

05-09-2007, 20:03

In deference to Gregoshi, I'm going to stick my neck out and say those students should have legged it.

:thumbsup: I've nothing to add Lemur.

Don Corleone

05-09-2007, 20:26

I'd say he's spot on.

InsaneApache

05-09-2007, 20:26

Except, perhaps, to suggest that they had some neck.

:embarassed:

Pannonian

05-09-2007, 20:32

Arriving police found one of the miscreants had already been collared. The police said it was a good thing the giraffe was spotted in time.

Lemur

05-09-2007, 21:23

This one's for Beirut:

Man chops off his own head with a chainsaw. (http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2007/05/09/1178390349892.html?from=top5)

A man cut off his own head with a chainsaw after stabbing his 70-year-old father to death in their apartment in the German city of Cologne, police said.

The body of the offender, 24, was found headless when police raced to the apartment after an emergency call, apparently from the dying father, had been broken off in mid-sentence.

Alf Willwacher, a senior prosecutor, said an electric chainsaw was next to the son's body.

"We do not believe any third party was involved,'' he said.

Whacker

05-09-2007, 22:15

Husar

05-10-2007, 00:02

I'd like a technical description of how this is physically possible. :dizzy2: :inquisitive:
A chainsaw is quite heavy, so I guess that, given the right starting position, it will just "fall down"...
IOr maybe you move it very fast so the inertia will make it move on etc. Just make it fast enough, that a chainsaw has a motor probably helps.

Gregoshi

05-10-2007, 03:47

The body of the offender, 24, was found headless when police raced to the apartment after an emergency call, apparently from the dying father, had been broken off in mid-sentence.

Transcript from the emergency call: "Tiiiiimmmmbbbbeeerrrr-..."

Big King Sanctaphrax

05-10-2007, 10:08

Australian girls kill their friend to "see what it feels like". (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/6639027.stm)

Argh!

ShadeHonestus

05-10-2007, 10:19

Australian girls kill their friend to "see what it feels like". (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/6639027.stm)

Argh!

Should've practiced on a koala or something, then moved up the ranks while strictly adhering to the scientific method to accurately test their remorse capacity. Australian schools are letting their youth down in the sciences.

Adrian II

05-10-2007, 10:28

Man chops off his own head with a chainsaw. (http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2007/05/09/1178390349892.html?from=top5)Oben ohne!

This must be the same guy of that earlier incident. The guy who after he got divorced chainsawed his home in two and drove off with his half.

Der Kölsche Knabe, gar nicht träge,
Sägte mit der Kettensäge,
Ritzeratze! voller Tücke,
Im eignen Halse eine Lücke.
Als diese Tat schon fast vorbei,
Hörte noch die Polizei
“Ich füll in gute Kölsche Sproch
De ene mit demm andere Loch!”

Gotta love Germans. :bow:

English assassin

05-10-2007, 12:05

Not strictly weird, and no squid either, but a sad tale of a lovesick albatross:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/highlands_and_islands/6641021.stm

A lovesick albatross has spent the last 40 years unsuccessfully looking for romance in Scotland, 8,000 miles away from his natural breeding grounds.
The lonely bird, dubbed Albert, is thought to have first arrived in Scotland after being blown off course in the South Atlantic in 1967.

For the past four decades he has been engaged in a futile attempt to woo gannets on several remote islands.

But experts said Albert had no prospect of finding a mate so far from home.

I don't know about you but I have a tear in my eye. I DEMAND that we fly a female albatross to Scotland for Albert immediately.

Husar

05-10-2007, 12:17

:laugh4:

Where did you get that from Adrian?

Though I have to admit that, while I live relatively close to Cologne, I don't really get the point at the end.:shrug:

And I agree with EA, greenpeace should do something!

Adrian II

05-10-2007, 12:17

I don't know about you but I have a tear in my eye. I DEMAND that we fly a female albatross to Scotland for Albert immediately.Right you are!

It would be an outdated, misogynic and utterly non-holistic measure to fly in a nubile for Albert. All the more reason to do it.

Where do I sign?

Adrian II

05-10-2007, 12:22

:laugh4:

Where did you get that from Adrian?

Though I have to admit that, while I live relatively close to Cologne, I don't really get the point at the end.:shrug: As you should be aware, there is a hole situated in the nether dorsal region of the human body which is known in German as the what-loch? :wink3:

Oh, and it's my own spoof of a Max und Moritz couplet. :book:

Lemur

05-10-2007, 18:17

When squirrels attack! (http://www.mercurynews.com/ci_5854663?nclick_check=1)

Squirrel enters S. San Jose classroom, attacks two adults and a student

By Leslie Griffy, San Jose Mercury News
Article Launched:05/09/2007 09:18:46 AM PDT

A squirrel bit an 11-year-old girl and two adults after scurrying into an open classroom at a South San Jose elementary school this morning, drawing police and animal control to the campus.

Although an animal control official said it's unlikely the squirrel has rabies, the three bite victims may undergo anti-rabies shots as a precaution.

The unusual attack was over in seconds, with the animal - possibly a confused and frightened adolescent - quickly disappearing.

"I think any animal that is cornered is going to do that fight-and-flight thing," operations director of the Wildlife Center of Silicon Valley Janet Alexander Thompson said. "He probably didn't mean to come into the classroom."

The door to a portable classroom at Evergreen Elementary School was open to warm weather as the school day started, Principal Kathy Shepard said. Inside the room, 20 first-graders excitedly awaited a field trip to see the musical mystery "Cam Jansen" at the Flint Center in Cupertino.

And then a squirrel came through the open door shortly after 8:30 a.m. Perhaps confused by the cacophony that is the start of the day in a first grade class, the critter ran up the nearest thing it could find, a parent-chaperon's leg.

The parent shook and shimmied to get the squirrel out of her pants. But it just sunk its claws into her leg, Evergreen Elementary School District spokesman Will Ector said. Another parent-chaperon jumped in to help the woman dislodge the squirrel.

The animal also bit the first woman on her leg. It bit the second mom on the finger and arm, Ector said. Then, it darted out of the classroom.

Unfortunately an 11-year-old girl just happened to be walking near the room at that moment.

"He jumped up on her," Ector said. "She had to fight him off. She was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time."

The girl suffered bite wounds on her arm and finger, Muyo said.

The three were taken to the nurse's office and later sent to the hospital. It is very unlikely that the squirrel that attacked them carries rabies, Santa Clara County Vector Control spokeswoman Kriss Costa said. But people bitten by squirrels often undergo a series of shots to ward off the disease.

By the time police, then animal control workers arrived at the school, the squirrel was gone, San Jose Animal Care Center spokeswoman Julie St. Gregory said.

"The whereabouts of the squirrel are unknown," Muyo said.

Ector said the district plans to begin trapping on campus immediately. The first-grade classroom where the initial attack occurred will also be moved away from the squirrel's likely home, the only clump of trees on campus.

And the school district planned to send home a letter with children explaining what happened.

The school, Shepard said, doesn't have a history of problem squirrels, unlike Cuesta Park in Mountain View where three people - including a 4-year-old boy - have been bitten by the furry creatures since last fall.

"For us," Shepard said, "it's so unusual."

Mountain View Community Services director David Muela said officials in that city have trapped and euthanized more than half a dozen so-called aggressive squirrels, spoiled on human food until they lost their natural fear of people.

Since Mountain View ended its trapping program in February, Muela said he's received no complaints of squirrel attacks, but signs discouraging feeding the animals remain at the park.

Ector said that students at Evergreen Elementary haven't been spied sharing treats with the very few squirrels on campus.

The wildlife center's Alexander Thompson suggested that the squirrel in the attack was likely young. It's the season for baby squirrels, she said. And, like human teenagers, adolescent squirrels who go exploring might not always understand the rules and sometimes run into trouble.

Not feeding the animals is one good way to prevent attacks, Alexander Thompson said. For the children, getting over the fear of animals could take time.

"You want to teach them that this is not normal behavior," she said. "That will hopefully start reducing their fear."

There was good news for the first-graders in the classroom where the attack occurred - their field trip scheduled for today went on as planned.

drone

05-10-2007, 22:04

...
Man chops off his own head with a chainsaw. (http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2007/05/09/1178390349892.html?from=top5)
...
And the copy-cat murder/suicides begin!
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-ex-ocmurder8may08,0,7432089.story?track=mostviewed-storylevel

La Habra police said today that a man decapitated a woman with a circular saw and then tried to cut off his own head. He died of severe injuries to his neck.
I would think that a circular saw would not be the ideal tool for the job here, due to the limited depth of the cut. I'd advise using a reciprocating saw. :builder2:

edyzmedieval

05-10-2007, 22:14

lars573

05-10-2007, 22:44

That's the most idiotic marketing move I have ever read of. :thumbsdown:
I'll never buy a PS3.
GoW II is for the PS2.

Squirrel goes berserk in So-Cal elementary school. (http://cbs5.com/local/local_story_129172309.html) Attacks 3 people, flees scene.

Man dies in car park dnace off. (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/05/09/ndance109.xml) Authorities believe he was "served".

drone

05-10-2007, 23:08

Man dies in car park dnace off. (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/05/09/ndance109.xml) Authorities believe he was "served".
:laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4: Priceless!

And from the "Think of the Children" front:
http://www.dailyherald.com/search/searchstory.asp?id=311064

Teen accused of soliciting child porn

A Fox River Grove teen is due in court May 21 to answer to charges he tried to coerce a Lake Barrington girl into sending him nude photographs of herself.

Lake County Assistant State's Attorney Joseph Fusz said Christopher Colles, 17, is charged with solicitation of child pornography.

Fusz said Colles made contact with the girl, also 17, through the Internet networking site Facebook in March.

Colles sent the girl messages indicating he was aware she was involved in teenage drinking and would keep quiet about it for a price, Fusz said.

Colles told the girl he would remain silent and give her $2,000 cash if she would send him several nude photographs of herself.
:inquisitive:

Lemur

05-11-2007, 01:21

File this under "ewwwwwww!" (http://www.kxnt.com/pages/431665.php?contentType=4&contentId=479022)

Anne Swanson gave birth at Sunrise Hospital last month, and wants her placenta so she can ingest it for its nutrients. But Swanson says the hospital has told her the organ was contaminated, and she would have to go to court to get it back. Yesterday, Swanson and a group of other women protested outside the Maryland Parkway hospital, with signs reading "Free the Placenta."

[edit]

Australian girls kill their friend to "see what it feels like". (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/6639027.stm)
Hadn't these girls ever heard of Leopold and Loeb (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leopold_and_loeb)? Minus points for lack of originality.

Big King Sanctaphrax

05-11-2007, 01:58

Perhaps they should have gone for the perfect murder on its own before stepping up to the much more difficult perfect murder/perfect kidnapping combo.

Mind you, I suppose if you're Nietzschean Suipermen, you aren't too concerned with getting your learning curve right.

Dave1984

05-11-2007, 15:58

Spanish police pull over man in wheelchair on expressway (http://uk.news.yahoo.com/afp/20070510/tod-spain-road-offbeat-7f81b96.html)

AFP
AFP - Thursday, May 10 06:23 pm

MADRID (AFP) - Spanish police pulled over a man in a electric wheelchair who was riding along on a expressway after he got lost while looking for a brothel, police and local media said Wednesday.

The 42-year-old man, who is tetraplegic, drove the specially-designed wheelchair which keeps him in a stretched position with the use of his chin and mouth, regional newspaper El Ideal Callego reproted.

He was stopped by police while traveling "at considerable speed" overnight Friday on the highway linking Ferrol with As Pontes in the northwestern Spanish region of Galicia, it said.

A policewoman in the town of Naron in Galicia told AFP the man was not driving at excessive velocity, "but he nonetheless posed an obvious danger to traffic and to himself."

The man was taken to a police station where he was tested for alcohol. The test turned out negative.

Big King Sanctaphrax

05-11-2007, 16:00

Tetraplegic man in a brothel? That a somewhat twisted mental image...In fact, if his paralysis was down to spinal cord damage, an injury high enough up to get all four of his limbs would also have cut the sensory nerves coming from his genitals anyway.

R'as al Ghul

05-11-2007, 16:32

All squirrel fans should google "evil attack squirrel of death". ~:thumb:

English assassin

05-11-2007, 16:50

In fact, if his paralysis was down to spinal cord damage, an injury high enough up to get all four of his limbs would also have cut the sensory nerves coming from his genitals anyway.

To quote a rather obscure book, Orchards can be pleasant places, even if you can't climb trees.

Lemur

05-11-2007, 20:05

Stealth puddle of doom. (http://poetry.rotten.com/suzuki/)

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/suz10.jpg (http://poetry.rotten.com/suzuki/)

Video. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYQ7MxFfMzg)

sapi

05-13-2007, 13:30

:grin2:

InsaneApache

05-14-2007, 08:25

You've all heard about pumping iron. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present.........pumping oil.

BODYBUILDERS seeking more impressive physiques are turning themselves into living versions of the cartoon character Popeye by injecting a form of synthetic oil into their muscles.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/health/article1782095.ece

:disguise:

Whacker

05-14-2007, 12:29

You've all heard about pumping iron. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present.........pumping oil.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/health/article1782095.ece

:disguise:

Talk about getting 'lubed up'... :inquisitive:

Gregoshi

05-14-2007, 13:46

Silly body builders. If you want Popeye "muskles", you need to use Olive Oyl, otherwise you'll end up Wimpy.

Whacker

05-14-2007, 14:27

Silly body builders. If you want Popeye "muskles", you need to use Olive Oyl, otherwise you'll end up Wimpy.

Pretty slick suggestion

The Wizard

05-14-2007, 15:01

Does anyone remember Time Commanders? (http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2007210235,00.html)

Any former students here of Dr. Lynette?

Oh lawd... definitely news of the weird. He was a bit energetic, given, but that there was a transsexual hiding in there... :inquisitive:

Lemur

05-14-2007, 19:23

I've got some real-life, first-hand news of the weird for ya. Coming home last night with the little lemurs, I ran into my neighbor, who is a GA nurse. She had some pictures and a freaky story to tell.

Woman overfills her jacuzzi. Decides to drain off some of the water. Takes a yard hose, starts sucking on it to create a siphon. Succeeds in her project, but feels weird. Really weird.

Goes to emergency room, complaining that she feels "something" in her throat. Doc and nurse take a look, and lo, behold, the woman has a group of black ants that have dug into the flesh of her throat. They're just below the vocal folds and the ventricular fold, so getting them out will be insanely tricky, especially since they've dug into her flesh with their mandibles.

Attempts are made with forceps and flushing, but nothing works. Suction is applied for a long while, and eventually all of the little buggers come free.

Disgusting, no? I'll see if she will loan me the pikkies to scan and post.

Gregoshi

05-14-2007, 22:02

That is gross Lemur. Note to self: don't suck on 'anty hose.

Lemur

05-15-2007, 01:16

Crying baby sparks ten-minute brawl (http://www.toledoblade.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070514/NEWS03/70514002) among angry moms. On Mother's Day, no less.

Sgt. Lee Kikolski said it appeared that two women in the restaurant had words over a child, which ignited the fight.

The sergeant said witnesses told him Christine Lewandowski, 56, repeatedly asked Sylvia Harris, 24, of Toledo to quiet her 1-year-old child, who was sitting in a high chair and screaming.

When the infant continued to scream, Ms. Lewandowski shouted at the baby to “shut up,” Sergeant Kikolski said.

That’s when Ms. Harris lunged at Ms. Lewandowski and began punching the woman, the sergeant said.

Other people joined in the fight, which lasted “maybe 10 minutes,” Sergeant Kikolski said.

“It was a big exchange,” Sergeant Kikolski. “It seemed like everyone wanted to get their licks in, or it could have possibly been they were trying to break up the fight.”

Chairs and tables were thrown as the fight participants quickly grew out of control and restaurant managers called police.

The restaurant was eventually shut down for nearly two hours, and about 100 customers were forced to leave, police said.

Lemur

05-15-2007, 15:37

Student mugged by geese. (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/05/15/anserine_mugging_ordeal/)

Four geese set about Sam Rozati, 23, as he walked past their nest in Colchester. During the brutal attack they "pecked so hard he dropped his phone", allowing one of the gang to make off into the undergrowth with the device. A shaken Rozati recalled: "They flew over and started biting my hand until I dropped the phone. I had to move away for my safety."

The victim was later unable to locate his phone since it was set on silent. He lamented: "I'd never been mugged by anyone before, but now I've been mugged by geese. I go the long way round to go home now."

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/01goose_318x470.jpg

InsaneApache

05-15-2007, 15:51

I bet that got his gander up.

Gregoshi

05-15-2007, 16:13

That is what you call a "goose dropping".

Banquo's Ghost

05-15-2007, 16:14

Searching for that phone was definitely a wild goose chase.

Lemur

05-15-2007, 16:31

Depending on the model, he may be facing quite a bill.

English assassin

05-15-2007, 17:23

Only a chicken gets mugged by geese.

Gregoshi

05-15-2007, 17:34

Sheesh, you guys...waddle be the next pun me wonders?

InsaneApache

05-15-2007, 17:39

Wonder if he had to go see the quack with his pecked finger? :inquisitive:

Whacker

05-15-2007, 18:00

He must be really honked off about the phone

drone

05-15-2007, 18:28

Hope they tar and feather the criminals. If the perpetrators are not brought to justice, we will hear about a gaggle of assaults soon.

With all the pun-spam going on, I'm surprised no one has used the obvious:

+pun

InsaneApache

05-15-2007, 19:17

I agree. We could opun the punning with a pun-nett of strawberries.

Gregoshi

05-15-2007, 19:27

Well drone, since you mentioned it, if the punning is perceived as SPAM, then I shall cease doing so. I figure it requires a measure of creativity and therefore shouldn't be considered SPAM. However, if the moderators see it as SPAM, then I can't and won't contribute to it (anymore) as SPAM is a pet-peeve of mine.

BTW drone :2thumbsup: on the "+pun" pun. :laugh4:

drone

05-15-2007, 20:04

Well drone, since you mentioned it, if the punning is perceived as SPAM, then I shall cease doing so. I figure it requires a measure of creativity and therefore shouldn't be considered SPAM.
I wouldn't really call it spam either. It takes effort, pertains (usually) to the thread topic, and can be pretty funny. :bow:
I mainly used the phrase to pull off the +pun gag anyway...

Back to the weird news:
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20070514/D8P4CJOO0.html

Teen Hurt Whacking Bullets With Hammer

May 14, 4:41 PM (ET)

LAKE LUZERNE, N.Y. (AP) - A teenager who put bullets in a vise and whacked them with a hammer to empty the brass shell casings was wounded in the abdomen by approximately the 100th bullet he hit, according to Warren County deputies.

Damion M. Mosher, 18, had been discharging .223-caliber rounds, placing them in a steel vise, putting a screwdriver on the primer, and striking the screwdriver with the hammer, deputies said.

Whacker

05-15-2007, 20:48

Back to the weird news:
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20070514/D8P4CJOO0.html

Well the whacking individual certainly wasn't me in this case!

Furthermore, I don't see what all the flap is about the geese earlier.

:balloon2:

Avicenna

05-15-2007, 21:51

Mud to lighten colour of Taj Mahal (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/6659175.stm)

Spray Wars Episode I: the Pepper Menace (http://apnews.myway.com/article/20070515/D8P511KO0.html)

"My money or your life" (http://apnews.myway.com/article/20070514/D8P4DPEO1.html)

Medical physician defies physics. (http://apnews.myway.com/article/20070515/D8P4GARG0.html)

Short Cameroonians try to scale higher heights (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/6655515.stm)

drone

05-16-2007, 15:47

Now that's a Happy Meal! (http://www.mywebtimes.com/ottnews/archives/ottawa/display.php?id=297724)

On Monday, a man and his three children went through the drive-through at McDonald's, 127 E. Norris Drive, buying Happy Meals. Shortly after, one of the children -- an 8-year-old girl -- told her father she found a lighter, a smoking pipe and a small bag of marijuana inside her Happy Meal box, said Police Chief Brian Zeilmann.

English assassin

05-16-2007, 15:57

I don't want to carp, but this thread isn't THAT weird any more, just sort of mildly offbeat.

This isn't tremendously weird, (Well, OK, it is) but here is a story about a man who decorated his flat as the inside of the Starship Enterprise, and then sold it for five times its market value: http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2007211013,00.html

Interior designer Tony said: “It’s the only home like this in the world.”

He bought the flat for just £27,000 ten years ago — and started on the project after his marriage broke up.

He said: “I was out of work and a bit down. I think I’d have done away with myself if I hadn’t built that first control panel.”

Gee, I wonder why his wife left him?

Gregoshi

05-16-2007, 16:19

Enterprising Tony...
:wall: Event the articles are punning now. Tony may be weird, but he's got money to as weird as he wants now. The person that is even weirder though is the one who bought the flat.

Lemur

05-16-2007, 21:36

I don't want to carp, but this thread isn't THAT weird any more, just sort of mildly offbeat.
Feel free to take the thread wherever you feel it needs to go.

Sorry if this isn't sufficiently weird for you, but a Swedish rock band is for sale on eBay.

Swedish rock band for sale on eBay

Everything must go

By Jan Libbenga
Published Wednesday 16th May 2007 20:06 GMT

Is it a publicity stunt? Or are they seriously looking for a new investment?

Swedish band Rednex (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rednex) are up for sale at eBay for $1.5m. The new owner gets the trademark, the record releases, the contracts and all the shares of the Swedish company Rednex AB, according to a website (http://www.popbandforsale.com/) devoted to the sale of band and its assets.

Rednex is the brainchild of a group of Swedish producers with several gold selling Top 10 hits, including Cotton Eye Joe, which entered the charts in 1994. The band - a loosely run creative team of performers, actors, art designers and programmers - claims to have sold 10 million records.

The eurodance pop outfit is still active. Recently they were going to take part in the pre-selection for the Eurovision Songfestival, but were disqualified when the judges discovered that their song had been published and performed as early as 2001. They are also record holders for the world's longest song title (The Sad But True Story Of Ray Mingus, The Lumberjack Of Bulk Rock City, And His Never Slacking Stribe In Exploiting The So Far Undiscovered Areas Of The Intention To Bodily Intercourse From The Opposite Species Of His Kind, During Intake Of All The Mental Condition That Could Be Derived From Fermentation).

"Buying a pop band opens up opportunities to make a hayload of money and peek behind the scenes of an exclusive branch," the site claims. Oh yes, and they are debt-free too.

As yet there have been no bids for the band. The auction will end May 19.

Banquo's Ghost

05-17-2007, 12:06

Here's a fun one: Armed cops in Lara Croft bust action (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=455037&in_page_id=1770)...

Armed police raid home after mistaking Lara Croft dummy for gunman
James Tozer

When police spotted a gun-wielding suspect lurking in the shadows of a suburban front room, their response was swift.

Armed officers burst into the house, shouted at the owner to lie on the floor, and ordered him to surrender his weapon.

But efficiency turned to embarrassment when the "gunman" turned out to be a life-sized model of the video game character Lara Croft, complete with trademark outsized pistols.

Computer shop owner David Williams, 42, had taken the dummy home to put it up for sale on the auction site eBay.

As the source of the confusion dawned on all concerned, it might have been the moment for an apology from the police.

Instead, however, Mr Williams was taken to the cells and held for more than 13 hours before being released.

He is now on bail for a suspected firearms offence, and Lara Croft remains impounded as evidence.

"It would have been laughable if it hadn't been so terrifying," he said yesterday. "One of the police held a gun and yelled, 'Where's the weapon, where's the weapon?'

"I didn't have a clue what was going on, I assumed they'd got the wrong house. I couldn't believe it when I realised they'd mistaken a Lara Croft dummy for someone with a gun."

Father-of-two Mr Williams had phoned police after receiving nuisance phone calls, and officers arrived at his house in Dukinfield, near Ashton-under-Lyne, Greater Manchester, shortly before midnight.

He says he did not hear them arrive, but unknown to him one officer had seen the dummy's silhouette through the front window and called for armed back-up.

Soon afterwards, the street was cordoned off and a team of armed officers burst in through Mr Williams's back door.

A spokesman for Greater Manchester Police said officers peered inside after Mr Williams failed to answer his front door.

"They believed they saw a silhouette of a person pointing what appeared to be a firearm inside the house," she said.

They followed "correct procedure" by withdrawing to await armed officers, she added.

"Officers then went into the house and found a mannequin holding a toy weapon."

Mr Williams, who says he is speaking to lawyers about a possible claim for wrongful arrest, will hear whether he faces further action when he answers bail next month.

English assassin

05-17-2007, 12:36

Much better thank you.

Computer shop owner David Williams, 42, had taken the dummy home to put it up for sale on the auction site eBay

Yeah, right, the old "I'm putting it up for sale on ebay" ploy, eh?

sapi

05-17-2007, 12:58

@BG - :laugh4:

It was a 'practice exercise', I'm sure ~;)

Gregoshi

05-17-2007, 13:00

Yeah, right, the old "I'm putting it up for sale on ebay" ploy, eh?
Followed up by the old "we're impounding it for evidence" ploy. ~;)

sapi

05-17-2007, 13:16

Enough :laugh4:

InsaneApache

05-17-2007, 13:17

Not a lara laughs for the police then. :no:

Big King Sanctaphrax

05-17-2007, 13:21

Damn! I was bidding on that!

Looks like I'll just have to be patient. Lara will be mine eventually.

English assassin

05-17-2007, 13:47

Hmm? Is making coffee out of cat poo weird?

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article1801189.ece

(Not when you can sell if for $50 a cup)

Gregoshi

05-17-2007, 13:56

I'll take decatinated coffee, thank you.

Big King Sanctaphrax

05-17-2007, 13:57

I reckon Greg's used his l33t coding skillz to write some kind of punning algorithm. It's the only explanation.

InsaneApache

05-17-2007, 13:59

You want weird? I'll give you weird....

According to his Toronto lawyer, Daniel Brodsky, Rosato was arrested after repeatedly complaining to police that, in a scenario reminiscent of the film Invasion of the Body Snatchers, the actor's wife and their infant daughter had gone missing, having been replaced by imposters.

....

Brodsky explains that the Crown's expert prison psychiatrist, Dr. Duncan Scott, has told him and the Crown "that Tony Rosato is certifiable." Scott's diagnosis, says Brodsky, is a mental illness called Capgras syndrome.

Named for its discoverer, French psychiatrist Jean Marie Joseph Capgras, the syndrome is characterized by the delusion that a person or people have been replaced by doubles or impostors.

http://www.thestar.com/News/article/213298

OK. Weird enough? :laugh4:

Banquo's Ghost

05-17-2007, 14:08

Hmm? Is making coffee out of cat poo weird?

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article1801189.ece

(Not when you can sell if for $50 a cup)

I'm feline sick now, but it does give one paws for thought. I assume the Tea Rooms provide stools?

Gregoshi

05-17-2007, 14:42

I'm feline sick now, but it does give one paws for thought. I assume the Tea Rooms provide stools?

The way I figure it, you've only got 7 lives left after those first two (bad!) puns BG. However, the last one is brilliant :laugh4: - you definitely do not need kitty litter for that one.

InsaneApache

05-18-2007, 06:24

This is very sad....and yet strangely weird at the same time......

A window cleaner drowned in his bucket of water after suddenly collapsing while he worked, an inquest heard.

Mark Fairhurst, 35, of Wigan, Greater Manchester, was found by customer Elizabeth Bebe in June 2006 with his head submerged in water.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/6667043.stm

:no:

Banquo's Ghost

05-18-2007, 09:32

I can't help thinking that if he had kicked the bucket then he wouldn't have kicked the bucket...

InsaneApache

05-18-2007, 09:49

I can't help thinking that if he had kicked the bucket then he wouldn't have kicked the bucket...

I would have said so meself, only I thought I'd let one of our resident wags have the pleasure. :disguise:

Gregoshi

05-18-2007, 13:07

Death by in pailing - what a terrible way to go.

InsaneApache

05-19-2007, 13:43

I saw this a couple of weeks ago, and then I lost it. Now I've found it again. :sweatdrop:

Fancy a curry? (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/6612529.stm)

Wife put excrement in man's curry

Jill Martin pleaded guilty to culpable and reckless conduct

A disgruntled wife has admitted feeding her estranged husband a curry containing dog excrement after their relationship broke down.

Jill Martin, 47, pleaded guilty at Paisley Sheriff Court to culpable and reckless conduct against husband Donald Martin.

During the hearing, defence solicitor Terry Gallanagh likened the case to "an episode of Desperate Housewives".

Sheriff G.W.Sinclair deferred sentence on Martin until 1 November.

Depute Fiscal Margaret Dunnipace told the court that on 13 March, after placing the dinner in front of her husband Donald and watching him start to eat it, Martin had burst out laughing.
At that time, she believed he had started an affair although those fears turned out to be unfounded
Terry Gallanagh
Defence agent

At first she claimed she had laced the dish with arsenic but then confessed she had added dog excrement instead.

The court heard that the couple had been married for 21 years but in recent years their relationship "had hit an all time low".

Mr Gallanagh claimed that his client had endured "continued mental abuse" over a period of about five years which had taken its toll on her.

Divorce proceedings

He said Mr Martin had routinely questioned his wife's parental skills and had started a new business venture without her knowledge.

He added: "At that time, she believed he had started an affair although those fears turned out to be unfounded."

Following her arrest for the incident, Martin was banned from going anywhere near her husband or the matrimonial home in Langrig Road, Newton Mearns.

The couple have now begun divorce proceedings.

Deferring sentence until 1 November, Sheriff Sinclair said that he felt it would be wise to allow more time for matters to be resolved and ordered Martin to be of good behaviou

:anxious: :sick:

Marshal Murat

05-19-2007, 20:02

Swedes fire on London! (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/london/6673041.stm)

:hijacked:

ShadeHonestus

05-19-2007, 21:04

Swedish historians speculate the ship was deliberately wrecked as an insurance fraud, and believe the Captain and ship's owner sold the cargo in London.

Best part of the story right there...

Big King Sanctaphrax

05-19-2007, 23:19

Oh man, I cannot believe I missed that.

Samurai Waki

05-20-2007, 10:00

Brush Your Teeth With AntiFreeze!

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/19/world/americas/19panama.html?ex=1337227200&en=b180092d4fa25ed1&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

How do I set up a Link without all the gibberish??

sapi

05-20-2007, 11:27

text you want displayed (full link to website)

InsaneApache

05-20-2007, 11:32

Weirdest one yet. :laugh4:

Csargo

05-20-2007, 11:45

The Chinese are coming for Panama. Oh noes!

Gregoshi

05-20-2007, 16:32

It is ironic that a toothpasted called Mr. Cool has anti-freeze accidentally(?) put in it.

Banquo's Ghost

05-21-2007, 12:48

Air stewardess curries favour with terrorists (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/05/21/exploding_curry/).

Exploding curry menaces 747

£20k of damage in microwave mishap
By Lester Haines
Published Monday 21st May 2007 10:43 GMT

Forget binary liquid explosives, a British Airways stewardess has shown how it's really done by popping her curry ready meal into a 747's club class microwave, with explosive results.

The spicy blast - caused by the supermarket-bought nosh's inability to withstand the might of the double-strength airborne microwave - provoked crew on the Heathrow to Miami jaunt to deploy a fire extinguisher "to douse the blazing oven".

The jumbo subsequently needed days of repairs totalling £20,000, The Sun notes. This prompted BA to circulate details of the incident in a secret email memo to long haul crews, chillingly entitled "Microwave incident". The missive notes that food intended for high-altitude reheating needs "special packaging" since the aircraft's ovens have twice the power output of your ground-based domestic model.

Accordingly, staff are now banned from preparing their own tucker in 747s' club class microwaves. One BA employee lamented: "Many cabin crew like to bring their own meals to eat. At first we thought the microwaves were a godsend. But this unfortunate incident has left us with egg on our faces."

BA stressed that at no time during the curry-based emergency were passengers or the aircraft at risk.

sapi

05-21-2007, 13:50

Got to wonder why they didn't just put in normal microwaves :laugh4:

Lemur

05-21-2007, 18:08

He beats me, but I love him. (http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSL2047309520070521?feedType=RSS)

Woman still likes gorilla despite attack

Mon May 21, 2007 8:41AM EDT

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - A 57-year-old Dutch woman who was attacked by a gorilla at a Rotterdam zoo said the ape was still her favorite even though she felt she was going to die when he bit her.

"I go to the zoo almost every day with my husband, and we're always going to see Bokito. I even have pictures and videos from Berlin when he was only four months old," the woman told Dutch mass-circulation daily Telegraaf.

"He is and remains my darling," the paper quoted the woman as saying from her hospital bed, where she is being treated for bite wounds and a broken arm and wrist. The 11-year old male gorilla burst out of its enclosure on Friday and went on a rampage in the zoo's cafeteria before being recaptured.

"I stood by the small apes in the Africa section when I heard a thud behind me. I turned around and there was Bokito. I had nowhere to go. He gripped me, sat on me with his full weight and began biting me," the woman told the Telegraaf.

"I could only think 'O God, I'm going to die, I'm going to die'."

The Telegraaf said people had since come from across the country to Rotterdam Zoo to see the gorilla.

Seamus Fermanagh

05-21-2007, 18:14

Hmmm....can't send her to a Battered wife shelter, but she clearly needs some help.

Lemur

05-21-2007, 19:32

Novel legal defense: Mom blames Satan (http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/4820131.html) for putting baby in microwave.

May 20, 2007, 1:10PM, Associated Press

Mom blames Satan for burning baby in microwave

GALVESTON — A woman blames the devil and not her husband for severely burning their infant daughter after the 2-month-old was put in a microwave, a Houston television station reported.

Eva Marie Mauldin said Satan compelled her 19-year-old husband, Joshua Royce Mauldin, to microwave their daughter May 10 because the devil disapproved of Joshua's efforts to become a preacher.

"Satan saw my husband as a threat. Satan attacked him because he saw (Joshua) as a threat," Eva Mauldin told Houston television station KHOU-TV.

A Galveston County grand jury indicted Joshua Mauldin last week on child injury charges after hearing evidence that he placed his daughter in a motel microwave for 10 to 20 seconds.

The infant, Ana Marie, remains hospitalized. She suffered burns on the left side of her face and to her left hand, police said.

Eva Marie Mauldin, the girl's 20-year-old mother, told the television station that her husband is "not the monster people are making him out to be."

"That was not my husband; my husband is a wonderful father," she said. "Satan was working through his weaknesses."

Eva Maudlin described those weaknesses as an undisclosed mental disability, and that her efforts to get help for him have failed.

Police said Joshua Mauldin told them he put Ana Marie in the microwave because he was under stress. The family had arrived in Galveston the day before.

Eva Maudlin, who met her husband in an Arkansas church, denied those claims by police.

"He would never do anything to hurt her. He loves her," she said. "When she cries he is the one who comforts her. When she is sick, he is the one that takes her to the doctor."

Joshua Mauldin, of Warren, Ark., came to Galveston with his wife and mother because he was called to be a preacher, his wife said. While Joshua Mauldin's mother has returned to Arkansas, Eva Mauldin remains in Galveston.

She is hoping to be reunited with her daughter, but Child Protective Services is working to have her and Joshua Mauldin's parental rights severed. A custody hearing for the infant is scheduled for later this week in a Galveston district court.

Joshua Mauldin faces a charge of injury to a child causing serious bodily harm, which carries a possible prison term of five to 99 years, as well as a fine of up to $10,000.

Eva Mauldin has set up a MySpace page, "Joshua Mauldin is not a Monster," in hopes of defending her husband and making pleas for people to help her.

Don Corleone

05-21-2007, 22:17

It's a miracle!! It's an honest to goodness Act of Divine Mercy!!! :2thumbsup: Men around the globe can breathe a little more easily tonight :applause:

Pill ends women's periods. (http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/medicalnews.php?newsid=44014)

Don Corleone

05-21-2007, 22:59

Who's your Daddy? (http://abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/LegalCenter/Story?id=3195632&page=1)

Hopefully, neither of these cretins. And the mother doesn't sound like the paragon of virtue either. Apparently, she nailed not one, but both identical twin brothers in the same day, virtually guaranteeing that the identity of her daughter's father will never be known.

And how do these fine upstanding gentleman behave? Agree to split the child support? Do the noble thing and pay the entire amount, with the 50% chance they may actually be supporting their child, with the hopes of getting the money back from their twin brother down the road, should they ever be proven to be wrong? Nope. These two pieces of walking excrement are allowing their daughter or niece to grow up alienated and broke.

Capital punishment is too good for some people.

Gregoshi

05-22-2007, 03:27

"Look, she had a bunch of girlfriends to the rodeo and they got drunk and she went banging on Raymon's door trying to have sex," Copeland said.

I think Raymon's door is the father... :eyebrows:

Petrus

05-22-2007, 09:14

I do not know if this is exactly weird but it shows that some category of population can have some difficulties to satisfy their phantasms.

Egypt cleric retracts 'nursing' edict

http://www.metimes.com/storyview.php?StoryID=20070521-030414-2684r

Egypt cleric retracts 'nursing' edict
AFP

May 21, 2007

CAIRO -- A professor at Egypt's Islamic Al Azhar university Monday retracted a controversial religious edict which states that a woman can only be left alone with a strange man if she breastfeeds him.

Ezzat Attia, president of the university's Hadith department which studies traditions based on the Prophet Mohammed's words and deeds, withdrew his fatwa and apologized for any inconvenience he caused, in a statement distributed by Al Azhar, Sunni Islam's main seat of learning.

Attia's edict, which sparked an uproar in the media, stated that a woman can only be alone with a man to whom she is not related - such as an office colleague - if she nurses him "directly from her breast" at least five times.

In his retraction, Attia said the fatwa had been a result of his personal analysis of Islamic texts and was in fact "a bad interpretation of a particular case" during the time of Prophet Mohammed.

According to Mabruk Attia, a professor of theology at Al Azhar, the Prophet had advised a woman to nurse her adult adopted son, to become his wet nurse, following an Islamic ban on adoption.

The woman gave the man her milk from a bowl, and not directly from her breast, Mabruk Attia said.

The fatwa sparked a furore in Egyptian and Arab religious circles and in the press.

"If the country's top cleric himself had made the same statements, he would not be considered respectable," Malika Yussef, a professor of theology at Al Azhar told the weekly Al Karama paper. She said even debating the issue was "insane."

"When you walk into a government building, you should not be shocked to find a 50-year-old civil servant suckling his colleague," the independent daily Al Dustur said ironically after the fatwa was issued.

English assassin

05-22-2007, 10:12

"I want to go to the Supreme Court," Raymon told ABC News. "If they can't prove it's me then they should throw it out of court." And as for the child support, he said, "The state should eat it."

Nice. Reeeally nice. Raymon is quite the family man, eh?

This would be a lot easier in the old testament. Solomon would have them both paying, in full, until they decide who the father is.

And in happier news:

Museum offered head for shrinking

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/6679697.stm

An artist is offering to donate his own head to an Oxford museum - if a collection of shrunken heads has to be returned to South America.
Ted Dewan has written to Oxford University's Pitt Rivers Museum to offer his own head for shrinking.

Mr Dewan says that he hopes that any posthumous display of his head would have a "family friendly" appeal.

Lemur

05-22-2007, 14:58

Mr Dewan says that he hopes that any posthumous display of his head would have a "family friendly" appeal.
Where's his sense of self-preservation? Clearly he's no shrinking violet.

Apologies to the pun masters.

In other news, gay flamingos have successfully adopted (http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070521/od_afp/britainanimalsgay_070521160344;_ylt=ArAYz5gWeX2acXt.F9P79c_MWM0F).

Gay flamingos pick up chick

Mon May 21, 12:03 PM ET

LONDON (AFP) - A pair of gay flamingos have adopted an abandoned chick, becoming parents after being together for six years, a British conservation organisation said Monday.

Carlos and Fernando had been desperate to start a family, even chasing other flamingos from their nests to take over their eggs at the Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust (WWT) in Slimbridge near Bristol.

But their egg-sitting prowess made them the top choice for taking an unhatched egg under their wings when one of the Greater Flamingo nests was abandoned.

The couple, together for six years, can feed chicks by producing milk in their throats.

"Fernando and Carlos are a same sex couple who have been known to steal other flamingos' eggs by chasing them off their nest because they wanted to rear them themselves," said WWT spokeswoman Jane Waghorn.

"They were rather good at sitting on eggs and hatching them so last week, when a nest was abandoned, it seemed like a good idea to make them surrogate parents."

Gay flamingos are not uncommon, she added.

"If there aren't enough females or they don't hit it off with them, they will pair off with other males," she said.

Husar

05-22-2007, 15:02

Indian train stops in "neutral zone":
http://www.stuff.co.nz/4062956a4560.html

PATNA: Hundreds of Indian rail passengers got more than they had bargained for when the driver of their train asked them to get out and push.

It took more than half an hour to move the stalled electric train 12 feet (4 metres) so that it touched live overhead wires and was able to resume its journey, officials said on Wednesday.

Gregoshi

05-22-2007, 16:03

Where's his sense of self-preservation? Clearly he's no shrinking violet.
That's true Lemur, but clearly the guy needs to see a shrink. :tiny:

Gregoshi

05-22-2007, 16:06

PATNA: Hundreds of Indian rail passengers got more than they had bargained for when the driver of their train asked them to get out and push.

To which the passengers replied: "He wants us to do watt?"

Louis VI the Fat

05-22-2007, 16:16

Who's your Daddy? (http://abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/LegalCenter/Story?id=3195632&page=1)

Apparently, she nailed not one, but both identical twin brothers in the same day, virtually guaranteeing that the identity of her daughter's father will never be known. It's so funny that you should bring this up. Last night I saw a documentary that explored the subject of identical twins and sexual relationships.

It was about this guy and he had like this insatiable girlfriend and no matter how often he :daisied: her it would never be enough but then it turned out that she was actually two of her, her and her identical twin sister, and one of 'em found out and then tried to outdo the other sister with ever more obscure acts and then the other sister found out too and then did the same thing so the guy rushed from kitchen table to the back of his car all the time without realising there were two of them but then in the end he found out and they all agreed to his proposal to only have threesomes from then on.

It was really interesting, sociologically and psychologically speaking. It was all a bit explicit I thought, but then, it was a Swedish production and I figured that well, maybe those Scandinavians are a bit more...'open' than us. :sweatdrop: