News of the Weird [Archive] - Page 22

Lemur

01-27-2011, 19:56

Elfin Congressman Sues Over Sandwich (http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/la-pn-kucinich-lawsuit-20110127,0,5062455.story)

U.S. Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio) is suing the operators of a House cafeteria for alleged negligence stemming from a almost 3-year-old incident involving a sandwich he says left him with significant dental injuries.

Kucinich is seeking $150,000 in damages from companies that run the cafeteria in the Longworth House Office Building and the providers that service it. [...]

A copy of the suit obtained by the Cleveland Plain Dealer documents the April 2008 incident, in which Kucinich purchased a sandwich wrap he says was "represented to contain pitted olives." After consuming it, Kucinich found the olives were not pitted, causing "serious and permanent dental and oral injuries" that required "multiple surgical and dental procedures."

Kucinich's suit also claims he "sustained other damages," including "significant pain, suffering and loss of enjoyment." He also accuses the four firms of breach of implied warranty.

Vladimir

01-27-2011, 20:39

https://img152.imageshack.us/img152/6084/i024864.jpg (https://img152.imageshack.us/i/i024864.jpg/)

Uploaded with ImageShack.us (https://imageshack.us)

drone

01-27-2011, 23:09

Mexican drug smugglers use catapult to get weed over the border fence. (http://www.kvoa.com/news/smugglers-catapult-pot-over-border-fence/)

TUCSON - Smugglers using a catapult to launch marijuana across the border were observed on a remote video surveillance system, and National Guard troops coordinated with Mexican authorities to disrupt the far-flung operation.

On Friday evening, National Guard troops operating a remote video surveillance system at the Naco Border Patrol Station observed several people south of the International Boundary Fence preparing a catapult and launching packages over the International Border fence, according to U.S. Customs and Border Protection.

No details on whether the defending general caught a brick to the head.

Gregoshi

01-28-2011, 16:18

It seems the fence isn't high enough yet. :smoking:

Hosakawa Tito

01-29-2011, 00:45

Hehehe, must have been watching punkin chunkin. "FIRE IN THE HOLE"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlzaU_HQ8Fg

Hosakawa Tito

01-29-2011, 01:26

And speaking of "FIRE IN THE HOLE", Abington man made bombs to clear snow (http://www.patriotledger.com/topstories/x1254719609/Police-Abington-man-made-bombs-to-clear-snow). What I wanna know is, did it work?

Gregoshi

01-29-2011, 05:13

Fisherking

01-29-2011, 20:12

Hehehe, must have been watching punkin chunkin. "FIRE IN THE HOLE"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlzaU_HQ8Fg

:laugh4:

What I want to know is where the first guy got his t-shirt.

I know a number of people who need them and I thought of sending them as gifts.
:evilgrin:

Vladimir

02-01-2011, 17:25

Texas defeats France. Georgia bumps off Texas to take the lead.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41359879/ns/us_news-life/?GT1=43001

The lesson: If you're 114, you're a gonner. :skull:

Fisherking

02-01-2011, 17:35

all those who have known the secret of immortality have taken it with them to the grave.

InsaneApache

02-01-2011, 18:07

Indeed. It's a bit like that cult that believed that you could thrive on a diet of sunshine and fresh air. They'd just about perfected it when unfortunately they shuffled off their mortal coil.

Lemur

02-01-2011, 21:17

Man claims Glaxo drug made him a "gay sex and gambling addict" (http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/01/man-claims-glaxo-drug-gay-sex-addict/)

A French father-of-two is to take GlaxoSmithKline to court on Tuesday, alleging the British firm's drug to treat Parkinson's disease turned him into a gay sex and gambling addict.

The 51-year-old's lawyers say their client's behaviour changed radically after he was first administered the drug in 2003 for the illness, which causes tremors, slows movement and disrupts speech.

Didier Jambart, a married father-of-two who says he has attempted suicide three times, claims he became addicted to Internet gambling, losing the family's savings and stealing to feed his habit.

He also became a compulsive gay sex addict and began exposing himself on the Internet and cross-dressing. His risky sexual encounters led to him being raped, his lawyers said.

Hosakawa Tito

02-02-2011, 00:32

Always sue the one with the deepest pockets, Lem.

Then there's this hockey puck: Man leaves wife at home to go on holiday with dolls (http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/853606-man-leaves-wife-at-home-to-go-on-holiday-with-doll). Hoo-boy, I imagine his wife has a nice collection of male dolls herself. :laugh4:

Major Robert Dump

02-03-2011, 00:04

That is actually a very attractive doll.

drone

02-03-2011, 00:26

Then there's this hockey puck: Man leaves wife at home to go on holiday with dolls (http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/853606-man-leaves-wife-at-home-to-go-on-holiday-with-doll). Hoo-boy, I imagine his wife has a nice collection of male dolls herself. :laugh4:
The related doll articles in the sidebar are also humorous.

A French father-of-two is to take GlaxoSmithKline to court on Tuesday, alleging the British firm's drug to treat Parkinson's disease turned him into a gay sex and gambling addict.

The 51-year-old's lawyers say their client's behaviour changed radically after he was first administered the drug in 2003 for the illness, which causes tremors, slows movement and disrupts speech.
I have a funny, but completely tasteless, pun for this one, but I just can't post it. :shame:

Greyblades

02-03-2011, 00:57

...Ok I'm curious. Could you at least pm me it?

InsaneApache

02-03-2011, 02:52

While in the train, Maurya Express from Ranchi to Gorakhpur, on September 2, 2010, 35 year-old Bishnu saved a girl about to be raped by the train robbers in front of her helpless parents. After looting the train, when the robbers started to strip a 18 year old girl in front of him, he couldn’t contain his calmness. He took out his khukari and took on the a group of 40 robbers, alone. In the fight, he killed three of dacoits and injured eight others. Remaining dacoits fled the scene to save their lives.

http://xnepali.com/a-gurkha-soldier-who-fought-40-train-robbers-to-be-felicitated-in-the-republic-day-of-india/

What a top bloke! :cool3:

Louis VI the Fat

02-03-2011, 03:14

http://xnepali.com/a-gurkha-soldier-who-fought-40-train-robbers-to-be-felicitated-in-the-republic-day-of-india/

What a top bloke! :cool3::shocked2:

Well that would've put those 'my military is better than yours' threads to an abrupt end. Nobody's got anything on this guy. :thumbsup:

Husar

02-03-2011, 11:08

http://xnepali.com/a-gurkha-soldier-who-fought-40-train-robbers-to-be-felicitated-in-the-republic-day-of-india/

What a top bloke! :cool3:

That's someone I call a true hero! :2thumbsup:

InsaneApache

02-03-2011, 12:41

:shocked2:

Well that would've put those 'my military is better than yours' threads to an abrupt end. Nobody's got anything on this guy. :thumbsup:

When I was a child I remember Pater regaling me with stories of his exploits of derring don't when he was a young Royal Marine. One story stuck in my mind. He was in a bar (plus ca change) in the far east with his mates, when some US Marines walked in. Somewhere in the bar was a couple of tiny Gurkhas imbibing.

A little later the US Marines decided to have a bit of fun. The fun they decided on was let's pick on a little bloke. So they went over to the little Ghurkas and started pushing them around. Bad idea. As my dad said, there was a blur of activity and the Marines found themselves on the floor with various bits broken and missing.

As he said to me, the Ghurkas may be little but you'd have to be insane to take them on. Hard as effin nails.

That is all.

Vladimir

02-03-2011, 17:35

http://xnepali.com/a-gurkha-soldier-who-fought-40-train-robbers-to-be-felicitated-in-the-republic-day-of-india/

What a top bloke! :cool3:

Hell, I might give him one myself! I love Gurkhas.

Hosakawa Tito

02-03-2011, 23:58

Hell, I might give him one myself! I love Gurkhas.

Wow, saves a damsel in distress and the state of India awards him oral sex? Lucky stiff. I saved an inmate from hanging up once and all I got was a lousy atta-boy certificate in my personnel file.:shame:

Lemur

02-05-2011, 18:31

Court rules man is too dumb to have sex (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/8301100/Court-bans-man-with-low-IQ-from-having-sex.html)

The 41 year-old had been in a relationship with a man whom he lived with and told officials “it would make me feel happy” for it to continue.

But his local council decided his “vigorous sex drive” was inappropriate and that with an IQ of 48 and a “moderate” learning disability, he did not understand what he was doing.

A psychiatrist involved in the case even tried to prevent the man being given sex education, on the grounds that it would leave him “confused”.

Mr Justice Mostyn said the case was “legally, intellectually and morally” complex as sex is “one of the most basic human functions” and the court must “tread especially carefully” when the state tries to curtail it.

But he agreed that the man, known only as Alan, should not be allowed to have sex with anyone on the grounds that he did not have the mental capacity to understand the health risks associated with his actions.

Under the judge’s order, the man is now subject to “close supervision” by the local authority that provides his accommodation, in order to ensure he does not break the highly unusual order.

The judge concluded: “I therefore make a declaration that at the present time Alan does not have the capacity to consent to and engage in sexual relations.

“In such circumstances it is agreed that the present régime for Alan's supervision and for the prevention of future sexual activity is in his best interests.”

Lemur

02-06-2011, 14:54

Parasailing donkey dies of heart attack (http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2011/02/05/3130946.htm)

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/r604400_3955366.jpg

A donkey who shot to international fame last year after being forced to parasail above the beaches of southern Russia has died of a heart attack.

A veterinarian said the heart attack was likely the result of stress brought on by the experience, which sparked an international outcry from human-rights activists and a campaign by a British tabloid to rescue the beast.

The female donkey named Anapka made headlines worldwide and attracted the attention of local police after beachgoers in Russia's southern village of Golubitskaya were stunned when they saw a braying, apparently terrified donkey soaring in the blue skies over the Sea of Azov.

The donkey was attached to a parachute pulled by a speedboat and was in the skies as a result of an impromptu advertising campaign by several entrepreneurial Russians to attract beachgoers to indulge in the thrill of parasailing.

Louis VI the Fat

02-06-2011, 15:54

https://img80.imageshack.us/img80/4561/fartstop.jpg

Malawi row over whether new law bans farting (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-12363852)

Two of Malawi's most senior judicial officials are arguing over whether a new bill includes a provision that outlaws breaking wind in public.
Justice Minister George Chaponda says the new bill would criminalise flatulence to promote "public decency".

"Just go to the toilet when you feel like farting," he told local radio.

However, he was directly contradicted by Solicitor General Anthony Kamanga, who says the reference to "fouling the air" means pollution. "How any reasonable or sensible person can construe the provision to criminalising farting in public is beyond me," he said, adding that the prohibition contained in the new law has been in place since 1929.

The Local Courts Bill, to be introduced next week reads: "Any person who vitiates the atmosphere in any place so as to make it noxious to the public to the health of persons in general dwelling or carrying on business in the neighbourhood or passing along a public way shall be guilty of a misdemeanour."

Mr Chaponda, a trained lawyer, insists that this includes farting. "Would you be happy to see people farting anyhow?" he asked on the popular "Straight Talk" programme on Malawi's Capital Radio.

He said that local chiefs would deal with any offenders. When asked whether it could be enforced, he said it would be similar to laws banning urinating in public.

Gregoshi

02-06-2011, 17:12

https://img80.imageshack.us/img80/4561/fartstop.jpg

Malawi row over whether new law bans farting (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-12363852)
RIP farting in public. :shame:

Louis VI the Fat

02-06-2011, 18:15

RIP farting in public. :shame:I would gas so.

edyzmedieval

02-06-2011, 18:23

I would gas so.

:laugh4:

Louis, you owe me a keyboard.

Hosakawa Tito

02-08-2011, 00:53

Tykes pedal hearts out in Kiddie Tractor Pullers finals (http://www.dispatch.com/live/content/local_news/stories/2011/01/31/pulling-for-glory.html?sid=101). Rednecks in training.

gaelic cowboy

02-08-2011, 01:04

Tykes pedal hearts out in Kiddie Tractor Pullers finals (http://www.dispatch.com/live/content/local_news/stories/2011/01/31/pulling-for-glory.html?sid=101). Rednecks in training.

I dunno if I should laugh or cry

Major Robert Dump

02-08-2011, 02:04

Malawi row over whether new law bans farting

I don't know, I am kind of looking forward to seeing the Smellers the Feller defense, or the He Who Smelt it Dealt It defense.

Greyblades

02-08-2011, 02:06

I dunno if I should laugh or cry
I dont know about you but for me I think laugh would be appropriate, I when I first read the title I thought it would be about a kid having a heart attack, talk about relief.

Major Robert Dump

02-08-2011, 02:13

New Yogurt Flavor: Man

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/revolting/shopper-ingested-semen-tainted-yogurt-sample

Lemur

02-08-2011, 13:53

New Yogurt Flavor: Man

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/revolting/shopper-ingested-semen-tainted-yogurt-sample
Did you read that? Ewww. I mean, ewwwwww.

After accepting Garcia’s offer of a yogurt sample, the woman immediately thought the sample tasted “gross and disgusting” and, cops reported, “said it tasted like ‘semen.’”

In a handwritten statement, the woman said, “I spit it out on the floor many times cuz I was upset.” The woman recalled that when she talked to manager Catherine Flores, “she told me was a Greek yoghurt. People love it has lot of protein on it.”

The woman paid for her groceries and returned home, where she told her boyfriend about the incident. She told of how Garcia had “just come with one sample just for me,” and that “he was so pushy to tell me how taste it.”

Major Robert Dump

02-08-2011, 21:17

I wonder if he took a video with his cell phone and put pron music over it.

edyzmedieval

02-08-2011, 21:19

The new biologically active yoghurt with Semen taste! New and improved!

Cute Wolf

02-09-2011, 13:57

ewwww..........

did the policeman tasted that as well? :laugh4:

Lemur

02-10-2011, 16:34

Vatican says iPhone app can't forgive sins (http://www.aolnews.com/2011/02/09/vatican-says-iphone-app-cant-forgive-sins/)

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/cell_index.png
The Vatican is warning Catholics that it is impossible to confess sins via a smart phone after a U.S. company launched an app designed to prepare the faithful for absolution.

"It is essential to understand that the rites of penance require a personal dialogue between penitents and their confessor. ... It cannot be replaced by a computer application," Vatican spokesman Federico Lombardi said, according to Agence France-Presse.

"Confession: A Roman Catholic App" was created by Little iApps, a company in Indiana.

It guides users through a series of questions such as "Have I been involved in occult practices?" to help Catholics prepare for confession.

Bishop Kevin Rhoades of the Diocese of Fort Wayne in Indiana approved the app, BBC News reported.

Now, the Vatican seems to be stamping on suggestions that it is moving one of its most sacred rituals into the world of mobile media.

"I must stress to avoid all ambiguity, under no circumstance is it possible to 'confess by iPhone,'" Lombardi said.

drone

02-10-2011, 17:53

Of course you can't, spilling your guts to a machine doesn't have the same visceral shame and guilt. And it cuts the clergy out of your private skeletons. :evil:

In more Vatican news, the Pope is no longer an organ donor: (http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/02/04/us-pope-organs-idUSTRE7131RL20110204)

Vatican officials say that after a pope dies, his body belongs to the entire Church and must be buried intact. Furthermore, if papal organs were donated, they would become relics in other bodies if he were eventually made a saint.

Rhyfelwyr

02-10-2011, 20:00

Louis and Strike arrested (http://uk.news.yahoo.com/18/20110210/tod-french-penis-leash-couple-arrested-a-7f81b96.html)

edyzmedieval

02-11-2011, 02:42

Penis leash? What's next, cuffs for the female privates?

Louis VI the Fat

02-11-2011, 13:55

Penis leash? What's next, cuffs for the female privates?They don't have those in Romania...?? :huh:

edyzmedieval

02-11-2011, 17:10

They don't have those in Romania...?? :huh:

Sorry Louis, I like my women free and my path to their privates free of any blockades as well.

Gregoshi

02-11-2011, 20:54

Sorry Louis, I like my women free and my path to their privates free of any blockades as well.
Then you wouldn't be a fan of the iron maidenhead?

Crazed Rabbit

02-12-2011, 02:39

Not to interrupt your erudite conversation, but here's something awesome (http://www.slate.com/id/2284051/):

Here, where the Catatumbo River empties into South America's largest lake, an "everlasting lightning storm" rages continuously for up to 10 hours a night, in exactly the same place, 260 nights a year. Nowhere else on Earth is so much lightning concentrated in one spot, with such regularity.

Also, idiot man hoist by own petard (http://www.statesman.com/news/local/new-mobile-food-rules-ensnare-man-who-pushed-1246761.html):

In 2009 Tom Ramsey pressed the City of Austin to add teeth to the city's mobile food vending ordinance.

Ramsey might have seemed an unlikely advocate; he owns a Pflugerville-based fleet of food trucks, which he leases to independent operators through his Snappy Snacks business. But as some in the booming food trailer business — there are now more than 1,300 food trucks in Austin — questioned his motives, Ramsey said the city needed tougher rules such as those found in other Texas cities to address health, safety and environmental concerns. In October, after an often-rocky 16-month review, the City Council approved a half dozen changes.

But now Ramsey says the teeth he sought have come back to bite him — since November, nine of his 53 vehicles either have not passed or would be unable to pass a city Fire Department inspection mandated by the new mobile food vending requirements. Passing is a requisite for getting an Austin/Travis County Health and Human Services Department permit, which vendors need to do business.

:evil:

CR

Sasaki Kojiro

02-12-2011, 02:41

I thought he wanted to add teeth as a food in the vending service. Now that would have been news of the weird.

Crazed Rabbit

02-13-2011, 02:19

The obituary of an awesome man: (http://obituaries.galesburg.com/obituaries/register-mail/obituary-print.aspx?n=omer-l-baumgartner&pid=148529529)

AMES, Iowa - Noted Midwestern raconteur Omer L. Baumgartner passed away at this home in Ames, Iowa on Tuesday, Feb. 8, 2011. He was 90 years old. Mr. Baumgartner had lived a long and passionate life dedicated to rambunctious performances and dairy products.
Born on a dairy farm in Walnut, Ill., Baumgartner was prodigious with the movement of manure from an early age, and exercising these and other talents, earned recognition for his National 4-H Grand Champion Dairy Heifer, Clementine's Ramona, in 1930 at the age of 10. After this debut, and as the Depression raged, Baumgartner cut his teeth in the livestock industry while attending hundreds of county and state fairs, showing and selling cattle, frying oysters, skinning rabbits, and drinking whiskey. While still a freshman at the University of Illinois, he successfully quelled the great dairy upraising of 1938, averting a desperate ice cream shortage in Chicago, and was immediately recruited, without finishing college, by the state's Guernsey Breeders Association as a field agent.
Despite never learning to cook anything other than fried oysters, Baumgartner attained the rank of captain during World War II for running mess halls feeding over 5,000 in Tennessee and Alabama for the Army Air Corps. He was wildly popular with the troops for his mess hours bongo drum performances accompanied by dancing girls. Baumgartner notably worked for L.S. Heath and Company, running the dairy division and inventing Heath Bar ice cream in 1951. He also co-ran Wilkinson's Office Supplies with his wife Jattie Wilkinson Baumgartner, serving one-third of the state of Illinois and parts of Iowa. Baumgartner disliked vegetables his whole life. Despite consuming more than 2,000 pounds of butter, he never suffered from any kind of heart disease. His last meal was ice cream.
Baumgartner is survived by his daughters, Donna Prizgintas in Ames, Iowa, and Mary Baumgartner Levner in Portsmith, Va.; and grandchildren Diana Prizgintas in New Zealand, Jack Levner in New York, Arion Thiboumery in Minnesota, and Stephanie Levner in New York; and great-grandchildren Max Prizgintas and Ada Levner.

CR

Hosakawa Tito

02-13-2011, 13:41

RIP Omer.
https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v517/hoppy84/butter-good-4-u.jpg

Hosakawa Tito

02-15-2011, 00:59

Meat-Eating Furniture. They might want to check out a vegatarian model, just in case.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsJ6B3y_Afw&feature=player_embedded

Gregoshi

02-15-2011, 05:00

Meat-Eating Furniture. They might want to check out a vegatarian model, just in case.

Help me! Help me!

Tellos Athenaios

02-15-2011, 06:54

Feeding TNT to sheep (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/02/14/sheep_eat_tnt/).

Hosakawa Tito

02-16-2011, 00:01

Mutate or Die: William S. Burroughs' Preserved Poop Inspires Bio-Art Piece. (http://www.aolnews.com/2011/02/11/william-s-burroughs-preserved-poop-inspires-bio-art-piece/)

Zaretsky, who has a background in biotech, and Allard, a college professor in San Diego, say their plan is to "take a glob" of the preserved poop, isolate the DNA and make lots of copies of it.

After that, they will soak the DNA dust in gold dust and load it into a "gene gun," a modified air pistol used to insert DNA into plants, worms, rats and humans for experiments.

The DNA dust collected from the poop will be loaded into the pistol, which will then be shot into a mix of blood, poop and semen and then, according to the artists, be declared either a "living bio-art," a "new media print," a "living cut-up literary device" or a mutant sculpture.

Sounds like a fraternity prank.:laugh4:

InsaneApache

02-18-2011, 11:34

A serving Conservative councillor has been exposed as having a double life as a member of one of Europe's most notorious biker gangs.

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/UK-News/Jim-Mason-Tewkesbury-Tory-Councillor-Exposed-As-Member-Of-Notorious-Biker-Gang-The-Outlaws/Article/201102315935724?lpos=UK_News_First_UK_News_Article_Teaser_Region_3&lid=ARTICLE_15935724_Jim_Mason,_Tewkesbury_Tory_Councillor,_Exposed_As_Member_Of_Notorious_Biker_Gan g_The_Outlaws

Its English assassin! :laugh4:

Hosakawa Tito

02-19-2011, 00:45

Horse Semen on the menu at New Zealand food festival (http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20110218/ts_afp/nzealandgastronomyanimalsemenoffbeat_20110218044427).

"The idea is you'll have as much zizz as a stallion for a week afterwards," Christchurch racehorse breeder Lindsay Kerslake, who came up with the semen surprise, told Fairfax Media.
He said the shots being sold at this year's festival on March 12 would taste like a milkshake and be washed down with an energy drink chaser.

Which begs the question, if it tastes like a milkshake why does it need a chaser? Kiwis is crazy peoples...

InsaneApache

02-22-2011, 11:05

A GRAN who was caught on camera having sex with the family dog was spared jail.

Police found 33 photographs of Paula Mangan, 42, in sexual positions with the Rottweiler-Chow cross dog after raiding her home in Huyton.

Mum-of-two and gran-of-one Mangan initially denied the pictures were of her, as they did not show her face. But when experts uncovered further images which clearly identified her, she admitted her guilt.

Mangan, now of Parkview Drive, Netherley, admitted having sex with the animal.

Imposing a two-year community order with supervision, Judge Robert Warnock said: "I am satisfied you now realise this sort of behaviour is wholly and totally unacceptable."

David McLachlan, prosecuting, said officers discovered the images after raiding the home Mangan shared with her partner Lee McCall on January 11, 2009.

McCall, 41, also of Parkview Drive pleaded guilty to 13 counts of making indecent images and will be sentenced on April 18.

Sarah Holt, defending, said: "It is clear she has already suffered as a result of these proceedings. She undoubtedly will continue to suffer as a result of the offences."

http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/liverpool-news/local-news/2011/02/15/netherley-gran-caught-on-camera-having-sex-with-family-dog-spared-jail-100252-28172761/

....and they say romance is dead. Or am I barking up the wrong tree?

Samurai Waki

02-22-2011, 11:13

I wonder which one was the pillow biter....

Major Robert Dump

02-23-2011, 00:25

Mutate or Die: William S. Burroughs' Preserved Poop Inspires Bio-Art Piece. (http://www.aolnews.com/2011/02/11/william-s-burroughs-preserved-poop-inspires-bio-art-piece/)

Sounds like a fraternity prank.:laugh4:

Fitting for the author of such a strange, strange book.

As for the horse semen, I wonder if there is any proof that ingesting the stuff makes one more virile like a horse. Using that logic, my ex-wife whould have hair on her chest and a deep voice.

InsaneApache

02-23-2011, 03:30

ROFLMAO.

Priceless.

Lemur

02-27-2011, 20:04

To paraphrase the great Samuel L. Jackson, "I have had it with these ************ geese on this ************* street."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdUY-zu0OnY

Hosakawa Tito

02-27-2011, 23:27

Hehehe, my area of Western New York has experienced a population explosion of Canada geese. One flock of about 100 like to spend the night on the blacktop of the basketball court in the recreation yard. The inmates have to shovel the goose poo into wheel barrows and hose off the residue to play.

I can imagine what the street and those lawns must be like. The patter of all those web feet means a tsunami wave of poo...:help:

Lemur

03-07-2011, 16:10

University to investigate live sex demonstration (http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/03/04/us-university-sex-demonstration-idUSTRE7234T620110304)

President Morton Schapiro of Northwestern University, which is of Chicago in Evanston, said he was "troubled and disappointed" after hearing about the use of a sex toy on a naked woman by her fiancé in front of more than 100 students.

The demonstration was performed as part of an after-class event for a popular human sexuality course, at the prestigious private university, according to The Daily Northwestern.

The February 21 incident took place in a session which students were not required to attend and they were advised in advance of the explicit nature of the activity.

"I feel it represented extremely poor judgment on the part of our faculty member," Schapiro said in a statement. "I simply do not believe this was appropriate, necessary, or in keeping with Northwestern University's academic mission." [...]

Psychology Prof. J. Michael Bailey, who teaches the class, could not be reached for comment.

In an email to his students, published in The Daily Northwestern, he wrote that he organizes optional after-class events which feature speakers addressing interesting aspects of sexuality.

Bailey wrote that "some experiences are educational and interesting in non-traditional ways" and that student feedback has been "uniformly positive."

Samurai Waki

03-07-2011, 16:41

Bailey wrote that "some experiences are educational and interesting in non-traditional ways" and that student feedback has been "uniformly positive."

Hahaha! I bet!

Crazed Rabbit

03-12-2011, 04:05

Multitasking at it's best: (http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/picturethis/2014421839_pt_batcatch.html)
https://img696.imageshack.us/img696/6267/2014421840.jpg

CR

Hosakawa Tito

03-12-2011, 13:58

Hehehe, and he did it with his eyes closed too.

Hosakawa Tito

03-14-2011, 23:03

Lemur

03-14-2011, 23:37

Dwarf pulling vacuum cleaner with his penis banned from Oxford University (http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/857426-dwarf-pulling-vacuum-cleaner-with-his-penis-banned-by-oxford-university). So that's Devastatin' Dave's secret...
Best bit: "The decision angered Demon Dan, otherwise known as Daniel Blackner, who said: ‘I have a brilliant resumé after featuring as an Ewok in a Star Wars film and various Muppet movies as a flying teddy bear.’ "

Louis VI the Fat

03-15-2011, 00:00

Oh, what genius these last two posts! :laugh4:

I fear clicking the link for the actual article, lest it will destroy the magic. :laugh4:

Gregoshi

03-15-2011, 00:08

I fear clicking the link for the actual article, lest it will destroy the magic. :laugh4:
But Louis, by not clicking on the link you missed that the dwarf was banned from a Ball at St. Peters College.

The planets aligned just right for this one. :laugh4:

Tellos Athenaios

03-18-2011, 02:44

So you walk into a bank with the intent of robbing it and as you make your demands from the cashier this cunning employee asks for your ID. Naturally, you hand it over (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/03/17/texas_master_criminal/), then walk out with $800.

Hosakawa Tito

03-19-2011, 20:44

Snake bite kills snake. Might not be work friendly. The snake bit her left breast and into her silicone implant. The snake paid a bigger price, while the model has a bite wound and required a tetanus shot, the snake died from silicone poisoning.:laugh4:
Bonus: Apparently the slang for breast in Spanish is the same in English.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUvJYtME8es&feature=player_embedded

Banquo's Ghost

03-21-2011, 14:49

Now if only Eve had thought of that, we wouldn't be in this mess.

Ronin

03-21-2011, 17:13

Kid brings cocaine to school (http://edition.cnn.com/2011/CRIME/03/18/dc.school.cocaine/index.html).

and thus the age-old question must be posed...."Did you bring enough for the whole class?"

Tellos Athenaios

03-21-2011, 17:59

Now if only Eve had thought of that, we wouldn't be in this mess.

Yes, the Abrahamic religions would've been relegated to “banned by your friendly overlord/parent/ISP/Australia/China” section of the Internet. On the other hand, I'm not entirely sure that having half of the human population licking snakes instead of eating apples is the more preferable route.

Veho Nex

03-21-2011, 21:11

Regular highway robbery (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42196027/ns/us_news-weird_news/)

Samurai Waki

03-23-2011, 01:32

Hooray Beer! (http://www.seattlepi.com/national/1120ap_us_odd_beer_in_court.html)

Lemur

03-23-2011, 19:47

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwEdRV5h-60

gaelic cowboy

03-23-2011, 22:04

http://www.kontraband.com/videos/26205/Wonders-Of-The-Stoner-System/

InsaneApache

03-24-2011, 12:30

InsaneApache

03-24-2011, 12:39

http://www.kontraband.com/videos/26205/Wonders-Of-The-Stoner-System/

:laugh4:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKIiNx8pCq8&feature=related

Rhyfelwyr

03-24-2011, 15:49

Pervert with fetish for cow manure who terrorised farm family is jailed for two years (http://www.thisisdevon.co.uk/news/Pervert-fetish-cow-manure-terrorised-farm-family-jailed-years/article-3369301-detail/article.html)

I like how when I hover over the link, the first thing that shows up is where it says "this is Devon". :laugh4:

Gregoshi

03-25-2011, 01:40

Pervert with fetish for cow manure who terrorised farm family is jailed for two years (http://www.thisisdevon.co.uk/news/Pervert-fetish-cow-manure-terrorised-farm-family-jailed-years/article-3369301-detail/article.html)
David Truscott - putting the "man" in manure since 2004.

InsaneApache

03-25-2011, 13:27

Thieves have stolen an 18kg (40lb) frozen kebab from a takeaway outlet at Trowbridge railway station.

The massive block of meat, with a metal skewer running through the centre, was taken from La Capricciosa between 0230 GMT and 1400 GMT on Saturday.

The haul, valued at about £400, included bags of frozen chips and onion rings and 500 polystyrene kebab trays.

Anyone offered kebab meat in suspicious circumstances is asked to contact British Transport police. :laugh4:

Det Sgt Jon Rawson said: "If you are aware of anyone who has recently come into possession of kebab meat, or may perhaps be offering kebabs for sale when they are not usually in that line of business, we would appreciate your call."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-12860235

Samurai Waki

03-25-2011, 19:41

Anyone offered kebab meat in suspicious circumstances is asked to contact British Transport police.

I love it. :laugh4:

drone

03-25-2011, 20:04

In my experience, kebab meat is always suspicious. You just don't care at 3am with a belly full of beer. :barrel:

Gregoshi

03-25-2011, 20:14

Anyone offered kebab meat in suspicious circumstances is asked to contact British Transport police.

They will send over some ke-Bobbies to investigate. :bobby2:

InsaneApache

03-26-2011, 12:48

Sheesh you got some sauce posting that!

Gregoshi

03-26-2011, 16:32

Sheesh you got some sauce posting that!
And you should be skewered for posting that...and grilled over hot coals.

Louis VI the Fat

03-26-2011, 17:23

Sheesh you got some sauce posting that!Quite. Somebody ought to give Greg curry about that.

InsaneApache

03-26-2011, 18:26

Shami try better at the kebab puns?

Louis VI the Fat

03-26-2011, 18:30

What puns? All I'm saying is it's a pita that so much kebab was lost.

InsaneApache

03-26-2011, 18:34

Indeed. It causes a chilli to run up ones spine. Although I actually quite raita some of the puns.

gaelic cowboy

03-26-2011, 19:16

Hmm I doner about you but I like the puns too.

gaelic cowboy

03-30-2011, 15:22

Internet Fuhrer-y over house that looks like Hitler (http://www.independent.ie/world-news/europe/internet-fuhrery-over-house-that-looks-like-hitler-2600243.html)

https://img863.imageshack.us/img863/6868/house350pagetty866326t.jpg

The elderly owner of an end-of-terrace house in Wales has been left bewildered by an internet joke that his house looks like Hitler.

Hundreds of thousands of people have viewed or shared the link to a photograph of the house in Swansea after it was published on Twitter, the social networking site.

The slanted roof was said to resemble the Hitler fringe, the door lintel was the moustache and the small top windows were seen as the dictator’s piercing eyes.

The joke took off when it was tweeted by Jimmy Carr, the comedian, but the owner of the house in Port Tenant, Swansea, a man in his 70s, said he had never even heard of Twitter.

The tweet was first posted by Charli Dickenson, 22, a youth worker, who spotted the bizarre similarity as she drove past.

“I walk past the house all the time, but I had never noticed the Hitler likeness before,” said Miss Dickenson. “But then, at the weekend, I was in the car with my boyfriend and we were stuck in traffic and I just said to him, 'That house looks like Hitler.’ We both laughed. I took a picture and posted it on Twitter.

“It was picked up by Jimmy Carr. Now everyone is talking about it!”

A neighbour, Lyn Thomas, 25, said: “I can see a resemblance now. I’ve lived here for two years but have never noticed anything before. I don’t know why it would be designed in such a way. It is uncanny.”

Another neighbour said: “People are joking that the house is the third on the Reich and that we live on the Western Front. You have to see the funny side of life sometimes.”

InsaneApache

03-30-2011, 15:44

I saw on a blog a comment that went something like this.....

Imagine going up to Hitler and saying to him, "Hey, you know what? You look just like a corner house in south Wales".

:book:

gaelic cowboy

03-30-2011, 16:26

I wonder if the house is on Godwin Lane

Lemur

03-31-2011, 19:49

Maybe this is more News of the Ironic (http://www.politico.com/politico44/perm/0311/not_a_secret_anymore_a00ccd98-0d9e-4822-8936-168f3a51b959.html), but still:

President Obama finally and quietly accepted his “transparency” award from the open government community this week — in a closed, undisclosed meeting at the White House on Monday.

The secret presentation happened almost two weeks after the White House inexplicably postponed the ceremony, which was expected to be open to the press pool.

Gregoshi

03-31-2011, 22:23

Hosakawa Tito

03-31-2011, 22:37

Does size matter? (http://www.targetmap.com/viewer.aspx?reportId=3073) Tale of the tape, gentlemen. Read 'em and weep.:laugh4:

Oh la la Louis you're a savage, but Andres got you by a skooch.:laugh4:

Louis VI the Fat

03-31-2011, 23:46

I wonder if the house is on Godwin LaneNumber 88 no doubt.

Speaking of which:

How do you get two whales in a PanzerJaeger? You follow the M4.

Louis VI the Fat

03-31-2011, 23:47

Does size matter? (http://www.targetmap.com/viewer.aspx?reportId=3073) Tale of the tape, gentlemen. Read 'em and weep.:laugh4:

Oh la la Louis you're a savage, but Andres got you by a skooch.:laugh4:Hah! Pretty much the largest this side of Africa! :knight:

Disappointingly, I'm below the national average, I only manage 15.5 inch.

Tellos Athenaios

04-01-2011, 01:04

Then it is only fair the women get their chart, too: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/03/25/world_maps/

Tellos Athenaios

04-01-2011, 01:11

Disappointingly, I'm below the national average, I only manage 15.5 inch. Nice try, but a bit obvious for a Frenchman.:laugh4:

Gregoshi

04-01-2011, 01:29

Does size matter? (http://www.targetmap.com/viewer.aspx?reportId=3073) Tale of the tape, gentlemen. Read 'em and weep.:laugh4:
Does this make the census takers tally wackers? Does the winning country get an erected monument?

You know, you'd think the Poles should have won. :shrug:

Banquo's Ghost

04-01-2011, 11:41

I see the Belgians can no longer be counted amongst we wee nations.

Hosakawa Tito

04-02-2011, 12:49

Does this make the census takers tally wackers? Does the winning country get an erected monument?

You know, you'd think the Poles should have won. :shrug:

I see the Belgians can no longer be counted amongst we wee nations.

Hehehe, nicely done. I needed that laugh it's been an emotionally draining week.:laugh4:

Tellos Athenaios

04-02-2011, 21:49

From Arkansas (http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/04/01/us-pants-saggy-odd-idUSTRE7303EA20110401)

Arkansas Governor Mike Beebe signed a bill on Wednesday that bans students from wearing clothing that exposes "underwear, buttocks or the breast of a female."
(...)
Florida is considering a bill similar to the Arkansas law. In that state, the NAACP has denounced the bill and said it unfairly targets black males.

Gregoshi

04-03-2011, 00:09

From Arkansas (http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/04/01/us-pants-saggy-odd-idUSTRE7303EA20110401)

Arkansas Governor Mike Beebe signed a bill on Wednesday that bans students from wearing clothing that exposes "underwear, buttocks or the breast of a female."
...the NAACP has denounced the bill and said it unfairly targets black males.

Black males wear clothing that exposes the breast of females? That's ingenious if you ask me. :eyebrows:

The schools in these states just need to issue Bible belts to the students. ~D

Samurai Waki

04-06-2011, 05:01

Naked soldier sandbags Car Thief (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-12978065)

Ronin

04-07-2011, 14:46

Conservative Christians slam fantasy church service in Romsey (http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/breaking-news/praise-the-lord-and-harry-potter/story-e6frf7jx-1226034499132)

"There are some that aren't very happy about it, especially because it just sort of happened out of the blue," a parishioner said.

Other church leaders said it was blasphemous and could encourage witchcraft and supernatural ideas.

"I don't have a problem with people enjoying sci-fi, but church isn't the place to encourage escapism and fancy dress," Mentone Baptist minister Murray Campbell said.

Sometimes the jokes write them selfs. :P

Husar

04-07-2011, 14:59

Ronin

04-07-2011, 16:42

I don't think Baptists have fantasy dresses like the Catholics do, Ronin,

you may want to reflect on your criticism of all things christian.

The rest of it is somewhat ironic though, if you believe that christianity is a supernatural idea and pure escapism.

the text says "fancy" dress and not fantasy dress....any church I have ever seen in the occidental world is an example for the first..the sunday morning service is normally a day were people take care in their appearance and how their neighbors will see them.

and is the "supernatural" nature of religion something that you want to put into question?...it pretty much fits the dictionary definition, as something that is by definition out of "scientific understanding or the laws of nature"

the escapism part is a matter o opinion.

Lemur

04-07-2011, 23:43

Man contracts STD via mosquito, give it to wife (http://www.treehugger.com/files/2011/04/guy-contracts-first-ever-insect-borne-std-gives-it-to-wife.php)

Back in 2008, U.S. biologist Brian Foy and his partner Kevin Kobylinski were researching malaria by harvesting mosquitoes from the west African village of Bandafassi. During their expedition the researchers were bitten quite often. Five days after their return on August 24th, both men had a rash around their trunk along with extreme fatigue, headaches and painfully swollen joints. Foy was even experiencing painful urination.

"My wife wasn't happy with what happened afterwards," Foy explains.

On September 3rd, Foy's wife took ill with similar symptoms. She had extreme headaches, hypersensitivity to light and severe muscle pains. However, their four children remained unaffected.

A mosquito-based infection was the suspected cause but how Foy's wife contracted the pathogen remained a mystery. It not only stumped the two scientists, but many laboratories including the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), whose lab for insect-borne diseases which is near where Foy lives in Fort Collins. A year later the mystery pathogen was deduced over a few rounds of beers--which usually leads to STDs--on a return trip to Senegalr. Both researchers had become infected with Zika.

Banquo's Ghost

04-08-2011, 12:45

Zika being the local bicycle, perchance?

Pretty impressive that the fellow could sell "the first ever case of insect-borne STD, honest" to both his wife and the scientific community.

Ronin

04-08-2011, 12:52

Zika being the local bicycle, perchance?

Pretty impressive that the fellow could sell "the first ever case of insect-borne STD, honest" to both his wife and the scientific community.

"admit nothing deny everything and make counter-accusations"

the man has elevated it into a science....literally! :P

Shaka_Khan

04-08-2011, 16:40

Crazed Rabbit

04-09-2011, 03:28

Fun with guns!
http://www.chicoer.com/rss/ci_17800371

Dad turns down son's music with shotgun

By ROB YOUNG-Appeal-Democrat
Posted: 04/08/2011 12:23:40 AM PDT

LOMA RICA — A Yuba County man who allegedly blew out his son's stereo speaker with a shotgun after complaining about loud music won't be charged, according to the Yuba County District Attorney's Office.

Also, there are some bars in Knoxville you shouldn't try to rob: (http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2011/apr/08/alleged-robber-subdued-wrapped-duct-tape/)

KNOXVILLE — Police this morning expect to charge a 20-year-old man with attempted robbery after he recovers from the beating administered by his targeted victims.

Shane Cunningham was taken to the University of Tennessee Medical Center for treatment for a head wound after the 2:38 a.m. incident at Kat’s on the River, 1317 Island Home Ave., according to Knoxville Police Department Sgt. Andrew Boatman.

Boatman said an investigation revealed Cunningham "entered the bar and brandished a handgun while demanding money from the bartender and from several patrons."

As Cunningham held the gun threateningly on a couple of women, a man snuck up behind him and whacked him on the head, Boatman said. Several other patrons then joined in to subdue the armed man.

"The suspect was bound with duct tape and was held until police arrived," Boatman said.

Police determined the weapon Cunningham used was a pellet gun, the sergeant said.

More details as they develop online and in Saturday’s News Sentinel.
:beam:
CR

Cute Wolf

04-09-2011, 07:53

Does size matter? (http://www.targetmap.com/viewer.aspx?reportId=3073) Tale of the tape, gentlemen. Read 'em and weep.:laugh4:

Oh la la Louis you're a savage, but Andres got you by a skooch.:laugh4:

dammit, it looks like I'm still more Chinese than Dutch according to that!

Veho Nex

04-12-2011, 03:54

Yup... (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/agriculture/geneticmodification/8423536/Genetically-modified-cows-produce-human-milk.html)

Gregoshi

04-12-2011, 04:04

Yup... (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/agriculture/geneticmodification/8423536/Genetically-modified-cows-produce-human-milk.html)
In a related story, Victoria's Secret today announced a new line of lingere for cows...

edyzmedieval

04-12-2011, 14:36

In a related story, Victoria's Secret today announced a new line of lingere for cows...

:laugh4:

Ah yes, Gregoshi back to his antics.

Lemur

04-13-2011, 18:07

Man Arrested for Inventing, Recruiting and Training a Fake US Army Unit (http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/04/13/us-army-fake-idUSTRE73C4OV20110413)

A Chinese man was arrested for creating a fake U.S. Army unit and convincing immigrants that joining the squad was a path to citizenship, authorities said.

Yupeng Deng, 51, allegedly gave his recruits military uniforms, had them parade in a Los Angeles suburb and took them to the decommissioned USS Midway aircraft carrier, which is a museum in San Diego.

Deng charged more than 100 fellow Chinese nationals a fee of between $300 and $450 to join the fake Army unit, according to the Los Angeles District Attorney's Office.

He called his bogus squad the U.S. Army/Military Special Forces Reserve unit, or MSFR for short, and he gave himself the lofty title of supreme commander, prosecutors said.

Aside from telling recruits that belonging to the unit was a path to U.S. citizenship, Deng also urged them to pay him cash for higher military rank, according to prosecutors.

He also allegedly provided them with fake documents and phony military identification cards.

Deng, a resident of the Los Angeles suburb of El Monte, was arrested on Tuesday by sheriff's deputies.

Gregoshi

04-14-2011, 01:04

Deng should be given US citizenship for demonstrating his total understanding of how America works. :2thumbsup: I also give him props for figuring out how to turn the army into a money making organization.

Deng for congress!

Raz

04-14-2011, 09:30

Yale student killed in lathe (http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2011/04/yale-student-killed-as-hair-is-caught-in-lathe/)

Apparently the photos of the incident (not included in this article) are highly recommended to be viewed if you wish to see your last meal again. I can't confirm this as I have not seen the images myself and I have no intention to. It's reminiscent of but not at all identical to the 2008 incident involving a man and a lathe (he was unfortunately... mangled, to say the least, this lovely girl had tragically suffocated). :no:

I would not be surprised if these sort of incidents caused the use of lathes to be banned and removed from schools, colleges, and the ilk.

Lemur

04-14-2011, 17:45

Glowing blue pork found in China (http://www.chinasmack.com/2011/pictures/blue-glowing-pork-meat-found-in-shanghai.html)

Miss Chen the purchased a kilogram of pork from a wet market on Yang Gao North Road the day before yesterday. That night her family used a portion of that pork to make dumplings together. Afterward, she placed the leftover pork on a small table in the kitchen. At 11pm, Miss Chen got out of bed [...] and suddenly noticed a faint blue glow coming from the kitchen, and that the bright blue glow was coming from the pork itself.

In order to be sure she wasn’t seeing things, Miss Chen woke up her family to look at this piece of strange meat together. The pork glowed in the dark but returned to “normal” in the morning. Both astonished and afraid, Miss Chen’s family did not dare to eat from this piece of pork again. [...]

This reporter, through multiple tests in the dark and light, truly did see the pork emit a faint blue light, that apart from the pig’s skin, the entire piece of pork was suffused with blue light, and a faint blue glow could also be seen on fingers that had handled the pork. This reporter afterward intentionally washed this piece of pork with water and again checked in a dark place, but the pork still emitted a blue glow [...]

This reporter got a hold of two food experts on the phone. Regarding this, the experts response was that they have never seen pork emitting light, that it may have been caused by bacteria, that the pork needs to be tested, and further observation, research, and analysis is required before anything can be confirmed.

Hosakawa Tito

04-15-2011, 01:17

drone

04-18-2011, 19:36

Man ‘Engulfed In Flames’ At San Francisco Porn Shop (http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/2011/04/13/man-engulfed-in-flames-at-san-francisco-porn-shop/)

SAN FRANCISCO (CBS 5) — A man was hospitalized Wednesday evening with life-threatening, third-degree burns after somehow catching fire inside a San Francisco porn store, authorities told CBS 5.

The fire occurred at the Golden Gate Adult Superstore at 99 Sixth Street, near the intersection with Mission Street, in the city’s South of Market neighborhood around 6:20 p.m.

Police officers across the street from the porn shop saw a man run out the front door of the store “engulfed in flames,” SFPD Lt. Kevin McNaughton said.

Some firefighters who happened to be about a block away at the time were immediately summoned and extinguished the flames.

Hosakawa Tito

04-18-2011, 23:08

Musta been quite the hot vid.

Gregoshi

04-19-2011, 04:16

Man ‘Engulfed In Flames’ At San Francisco Porn Shop (http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/2011/04/13/man-engulfed-in-flames-at-san-francisco-porn-shop/)
Fricktion will do that. That's why it is important to engage in lube behaviour in such places.

Lemur

04-19-2011, 15:58

Baltimore Police Need Robots, Chemical Warfare, to Subdue NINJA! (http://articles.baltimoresun.com/2011-03-30/news/bs-md-ar-beach-barricade-sword-20110330_1_sword-protective-order-court-order)

(this guy had real, ultimate power (http://www.realultimatepower.net/index4.htm))

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/26163372_2028e782d0.jpg

Michael R. Beach, who according to Anne Arundel County Sheriff Ron Bateman was "well-known" to his deputies and police, was being served with a protective order filed by his mother, Martha Beach [...]

Beach, brandishing a sword, charged at the sheriff's deputy trying to serve the court order at his mother's residence in the 2700 block of Cassia Drive, police said. The deputy suffered a cracked rib while trying to evade Beach [...]

After trying to negotiate with Beach for several hours, during which neighbors were told to stay inside, police used a newly purchased remote-control robot camera to locate and communicate with Beach.

About 10:20 p.m., tactical officers used a chemical agent to help gain entry into the house. They found Beach wounded but still holding the sword and not willing to surrender. Police then shot him in the abdomen with beanbag rounds, and he tried to hide in a bathroom, according to police. Police subdued Beach using a Taser.

Lemur

04-19-2011, 16:29

Suicide by Crocodile (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/southafrica/8458818/Man-died-after-wandering-into-crocodile-waters.html)

David Lubisi, 40, was eaten alive after he entered the Lepelle river following an argument with his girlfriend, detectives believe. [...] “Our investigations have revealed that at around 7pm on April 7 he told a co-worker he wanted to walk into the river, which he knew to be infested with crocodiles,” said Sergeant Malesela Makgopa.

“He was last seen heading towards the water and never turned up after that.

“We believe he may have been having domestic problems with his girlfriend .” [...]

[T]he owner of a neighbouring property reported seeing a crocodile with a human leg protruding from its mouth four days after the incident.

InsaneApache

04-20-2011, 00:03

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=220768216260&ru=http%3A%2F%2Fshop.ebay.co.uk%3A80%2F%3F_from%3DR40%26_trksid%3Dp5197.m570.l1313%26_nkw%3D22076821 6260%2B%26_sacat%3DSee-All-Categories%26_fvi%3D1&_rdc=1

The windows are unbroken glass, have no chips and critically are transparent unlike bricks which are not often used as a window making material, they are tinted at the back so if you take that lass from the chippy up the hills you can do what you like in the back and won’t be seen. Unless someone looks through the windscreen and then the games up and the pillar box is down.

:laugh4: :2thumbsup: :sweatdrop:

:book:

Hosakawa Tito

04-20-2011, 00:14

http://chzgifs.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/217c7155-b14c-4658-b165-681332caf8cb.gif

Husar

04-20-2011, 00:18

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=220768216260&ru=http%3A%2F%2Fshop.ebay.co.uk%3A80%2F%3F_from%3DR40%26_trksid%3Dp5197.m570.l1313%26_nkw%3D22076821 6260%2B%26_sacat%3DSee-All-Categories%26_fvi%3D1&_rdc=1

:laugh4: :2thumbsup: :sweatdrop:

:book:

:laugh4:

That's hilarious!

Also worth mentioning that this car runs on petrol which can be bought at 'petrol stations', if you are unfamiliar with these then ask someone for directions to a place that sells over priced cold sausage rolls.

Hosakawa Tito

04-20-2011, 23:29

'Royal Virility Performance' (http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/861296-arise-prince-willy-viagra-beer-launched-to-mark-royal-wedding?ITO=socialnet-twitter-button) British beer containing Viagra launched. A stiff drink.:laugh4:

Gregoshi

04-21-2011, 01:24

...A stiff drink.
:laugh4:

Please call your bartender if you have a beer lasting longer than four hours...

Ronin

04-21-2011, 18:40

Christian movement in the us announced rapture/end of the world for next month.

we're about to have a lot of elbow room it seems (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/04/may-21-2011-judgment-day_n_804166.html)

all I got to say is that it's not cool to ****-block the Mayans like this.

Rhyfelwyr

04-22-2011, 10:27

Man on drug rampage leaves stabbed lamb, maimed father, burnt farm and severed penis in his wake (http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/847267-man-on-drug-rampage-leaves-stabbed-lamb-maimed-father-burnt-farm-and-severed-penis-in-his-wake)

I know how to party hard...

Gregoshi

04-22-2011, 16:55

First he cut-off a piece of his penis, and when his father came to help him he sliced off his father's ear
"Here son, you are doing it all wrong..."

Fragony

04-23-2011, 12:58

The ride of your life http://www.di.research.rca.ac.uk/content/home#

Lemur

04-25-2011, 16:29

Legal news: "Mommyjuice" does not violate the trademark "Mommy's Time Out" (http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/04/21/us-wine-mommy-idUSTRE73K58B20110421)

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/article-1081913-024E8A0A000005DC-602_233x389.jpg

Rival wine sellers targeting overworked mothers are fighting over use of the word "Mommy" on their wine labels, according to a lawsuit filed in San Francisco federal court.

In the suit, filed on Monday, California-based winery Clos Lachance Wines asked the court to declare that its "Mommyjuice" does not violate the trademark of "Mommy's Time Out," which is marketed by a New Jersey distributor.

"Mommy is a generic word that they don't have a monopoly on," said KC Branch, an attorney who represents Clos Lachance. [...]

The front label of Mommyjuice features a drawing of a woman juggling a house, teddy bear and computer. The back label advises moms to "tuck your kids into bed, sit down and have a glass of Mommyjuice. Because you deserve it." The wine is available in a white Chardonnay and a red mixed blend.

The front label of "Mommy's Time Out," an Italian wine sold in red and white, shows an empty chair facing a corner. A wine bottle and glass sit on a table next to the chair.

Lemur

04-25-2011, 17:06

Kyrgyz MPs sacrifice rams to banish "evil spirits" (http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/04/21/us-kyrgyzstan-sacrifice-idUSTRE73K57H20110421)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZ6vXq0Btbs

Members of Kyrgyzstan's divided parliament slaughtered seven rams before their morning session on Thursday, in a sacrifice they hope will banish "evil spirits" disrupting their work.

Kyrgyzstan elected a new legislature in October in a bid to build the first parliamentary democracy in former Soviet Central Asia, a region otherwise run by authoritarian presidents.

But the fragile governing coalition has come under threat after weeks of bitter recriminations and disputes in parliament, leading a senior government member to resign temporarily. [...]

"We decided to resort to popular customs, in order for this building not to see bloodshed anymore," member of parliament Myktybek Abdyldayev told Reuters after the rams were sacrificed on a green lawn in front of the government headquarters.

Besides hosting the legislature, the Soviet-era white-marble building in the center of the Kyrgyz capital is the official seat of the president and government. Two presidents fled this building to escape violent popular uprisings in 2005 and 2010.

"We acted like those who light candles or fumigate their homes in order to banish an evil spirit from their conscience," Abdyldayev said.

Lemur

04-25-2011, 22:02

Scientific career destroyed by "semengate" (http://zurfd.com/2011/04/michael-smerconish-semengate-stuns-scientific-community/)

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/volume_pills.jpg

Dr. Greenfield noted the therapeutic effects of semen, citing research from the Archives of Sexual Behavior which found that female college students practicing unprotected sex were less likely to suffer from depression than those whose partners used condoms (as well as those who remained abstinent).

Presumably it was the closing line that caused the controversy: “So there’s a deeper bond between men and women than St. Valentine would have suspected, and now we know there’s a better gift for that day than chocolates.”

The attempt at Jackie Mason-humor apparently didn’t sit well in certain quarters. Dr. Greenfield resigned as editor of the Surgery News and gave up his stewardship of ACS after learning that his article had spurred threats of protests from outside women’s groups.

Gregoshi

04-25-2011, 22:07

...gave up his stewardship of ACS after learning that his article had spurred threats of protests from outside women’s groups.
Including Hershey's no doubt. :inquisitive:

Lemur

04-26-2011, 20:05

Ninja puts small English town under his protection (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-kent-13198766)

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/CAUTION___British_Ninja_by_falsarius.jpg

A masked vigilante has taken to the streets of Royal Tunbridge Wells to protect "ordinary citizens".

The "Neighbourhood Ninja" claims to be a 25 year old who has tackled garage break-ins and conducted night patrols.

The vigilante, who has so far remained anonymous, is posting his exploits in the Kent spa town on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0h7ZwlOnco).

He also says he has reunited missing cats with their owners and warned drivers when they risk parking fines. [...]

A Kent Police spokeswoman said the force was not aware of the Neighbourhood Ninja and warned residents they should not take the law into their own hands.

-edit-

More details emerge: (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1380610/The-Ninja-Tunbridge-Wells-Pyjama-crusader-launches-vigilante-campaign.html)

The anonymous 25-year-old is also on hand to help old ladies across the road - in deeds described as 'odd' by grateful recipients of his aid. [...]

However critics have pointed out that his campaign has similarities to a hoax in 2003 in which local residents claimed a 'caped crusader' was fighting crime on the streets.

Sally Everson, 43, who saw the Ninja help some ladies across a road told the Sun: 'It was very odd, but the ladies were happy. Then I saw him stand outside a shop where some undesirables hang out and they moved on quite quickly.'

gaelic cowboy

04-27-2011, 01:23

Man Throws Cousin Through Window Debating 'Game of Thrones' (http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/man-throws-cousin-window-debating-182301)

Must be a box set they were arguing over ba dum bish

Hosakawa Tito

04-27-2011, 02:23

Wanted: Blemish Free, Stacked Chinese Virgins (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1378870/PG-Lips-Chinese-tea-plantation-seeks-virgins-pick-leaves-MOUTHS.html#) Ancient Chinese secret?:inquisitive:

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v517/hoppy84/china-doll.jpg

Gregoshi

04-27-2011, 03:42

The anonymous 25-year-old is also on hand to help old ladies across the road - in deeds described as 'odd' by grateful recipients of his aid...
Reminds me of the story of the ninja that helped Takeda Shingen get up on his horse. :laugh4:

"British ninja" seems like an oxymoron, what with wearing red pajamas and being followed by a piper everywhere...

Lemur

04-27-2011, 13:39

Man put in isolation ward for poisonous farts (http://www.freep.com/article/20110425/NEWS05/110425043/Patient-emits-potentially-harmful-gas-hazmat-called-Ann-Arbor-hospital)

A patient who apparently ingested rodent poison and is emitting potentially harmful gasses has created a hazardous material situation at St. Joseph Mercy Hospital in Ann Arbor [Michigan].

The man is isolated in his room in the medical intensive care unit on the hospital’s sixth floor, 5301 McAuley at East Huron River Drive, hospital spokeswoman Lauren Jones said this afternoon. [...]

Joyce Williams, public affairs manager for Huron Valley Ambulance, said rescuers transported the man to the hospital either late Saturday night or early Sunday. But the hazmat team was called between 10:30 and 11 a.m. today when the man’s body began creating suspicious emissions, she said.

“They were doing air purity testing,” she said, adding that no further information was available.

The hospital issued a statement at about 2:30 p.m. today, dispelling rumors that the gas was potentially flammable.

“Hazmat teams … here are monitoring the levels of gas in the room; the levels are not at explosive or flammable levels,” Jones sent out in an e-mail. “The air has been tested and confirmed for low levels. Hazmat teams are continuing to monitor the levels to ensure maintaining a safe environment; the level of gas in the room is only expected to improve.”

Hosakawa Tito

04-27-2011, 22:34

Man is he going to have some serious bragging rights.:laugh4:

gaelic cowboy

04-28-2011, 00:05

And they say it's better out than in eh

Lemur

04-30-2011, 14:47

Man in Cow Costume Steals 26 Gallons of Milk From Walmart, Because He Can (http://www2.insidenova.com/news/2011/apr/27/walmart-cow-suit-milk-shoplifting-ar-1000251/)

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/21746_large.jpg

STAFFORD, Va. -- Walmart shoppers in Stafford County saw the sight of their lives Tuesday night—a cow, on all fours, trying to score gallons of milk.

An 18-year-old man dressed up in a cow suit stole 26 gallons of milk around 10:35 p.m. from the Garrisonville Walmart, Stafford County Sheriff’s spokesman Bill Kennedy said.

The man was apparently crawling while he exited the store, trying to emulate cattle, Kennedy said.

Soon afterward, witnesses told Stafford sheriff's deputies that the man was handing out the pilfered milk jugs to passersby outside of the Walmart, Kennedy said.

It was unclear Wednesday how he managed to get all of that milk out of the busy store on Garrisonville Road.

Kennedy said that store employees saw the thief “skipping down the sidewalk” in the cow suit before leaving the immediate area.

Askthepizzaguy

04-30-2011, 22:48

That's hilarious. I wish I could see video of that.

CountArach

05-01-2011, 04:22

That's udderly ridiculous! Cow did he ever manage it?!

Yeah, I was milking it...

Askthepizzaguy

05-01-2011, 04:23

That's udderly ridiculous! Cow did he ever manage it?!

Yeah, I was milking it...

Go easy on me, I have laughtose intolerance.

:creep:

Veho Nex

05-02-2011, 18:50

A cave in the middle east unexpectedly became vacant. Its now for rent. (http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/roo/2357361775.html)

Lemur

05-06-2011, 17:02

Cross-dressing man arrested for sexually molesting, killing goat; blames bath salts (http://weirdnews.aol.com/2011/05/03/man-sexually-assaults-pygmy-goat_n_856985.html#s273457)

No chance for a happy ending via marriage

West Virginia police have arrested a 19-year-old South Charleston, W.Va., man accused of kidnapping, sexually assaulting and slaying a young pygmy goat while wearing nothing but women's undergarments.

"This case is extremely bizarre," Lt. Sean Crosier, of the Kanawha County Sheriff's Office, told AOL Weird News. "It is unlawful to mistreat an animal in a cruel manner, and I certainly think it is very cruel for a human to have sexual relations of any kind with an animal."

According to police, this is how the story unfolded:

Lisa Powers told investigators that at around 3:15 a.m. Monday, a neighbor called her nephew and said that Bailey -- a female goat she had recently purchased for her 4-year-old grandson -- had been spotted inside her neighbor Mark Thompson's house.

"They told him that my goat was wandering around in Mark's house," Powers told The Charleston Gazette.

Powers' nephew and two friends then went to Thompson's house. When they were unable to locate the goat inside the home, they knocked on his bedroom door.

"He told them, 'Don't come in, I'm naked,'" Powers told the Gazette. "But they opened the door and he was standing there with his pants down ... and there was blood everywhere."

Thompson allegedly ran out of the house and into a nearby wooded area.

When police arrived on the scene, they were startled by the bloody crime scene they found, Crosier said. According to the criminal complaint, Bailey was lying dead in a pool of blood on the floor. The small animal, clad in only a pink collar, had blood oozing from a wound to her neck. A pornographic magazine photo lay nearby.

According to Crosier, Thompson allegedly "performed some sexual acts on the goat and also killed the goat."

While authorities investigated the crime scene, Thompson, who was "half naked, wearing female panties and a bra," came out of the woods and turned himself into police, Crosier added.

Thompson allegedly told police he was high on a dangerous new recreational drug intentionally mislabeled as "bath salts," which reportedly has effects similar to methamphetamine and cocaine.

Hosakawa Tito

05-09-2011, 23:17

Ouch! (http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/862573-you-must-get-a-job-i-want-a-new-penis) The law of unintended consequences : Booze + samurai sword = friend - penis

Fragony

05-12-2011, 18:08

Forget about the news part, the picture used is infinite comedy-gold.

Use it wisely

http://www.spitsnieuws.nl/archives/buitenland/2011/05/navo_zoekt_fitti_met_noordkore.html

Crazed Rabbit

05-12-2011, 20:08

Oh California, (http://www.sonomanews.com/News-2011/The-strange-case-of-the-mystery-enema/)
The strange case of the mystery enema
Even veteran police officers were dumbfounded by a difficult-to-classify act that may or may not have been a crime but which definitely did stretch the boundaries of the bizarre.

"You are not," premised Sonoma Police Sgt. Spencer Crum, "you are definitely not, going to believe this."

The story is brief but no less baffling.

On the afternoon of Sunday, May 1, a 53-year-old Sonoma man who is visually impaired - that is to say he could not see well, if at all - was standing in his apartment when a woman appeared in his doorway, unannounced and unexpected.

The woman told him she was there to give him an enema. Because the man had recently undergone intestinal surgery, he thought perhaps that explained her presence.

The woman deftly guided him to his bedroom, had him drop his pants and lie face down on his bed.

She then gave the man an enema and promptly left.

The whole episode took about a minute-and-a-half, he later told police. The woman did not leave a card or any other identifying information. And given the condition of his eyesight, the man did not, in the complete sense of the word, actually see her.

A day later, on Monday, the enema recipient began wondering about what had happened to him but took no action. By Tuesday, he felt compelled to shed some light on the experience, so he contacted police. An investigating officer promptly called the man's doctor and was told no enema had been prescribed, ordered or approved.

Sonoma police turned the case over to the domestic and sexual assault unit of the Sonoma Sheriff's Office who have yet to make sense of the caper.

It is well known that fatal enemas have been implicated in conspiracy theories surrounding the deaths of both Napoleon Bonaparte and Marilyn Monroe, but the victim of what may become known in crime annals and police academies across the country as "The Sonoma Enema," apparently reported no ill-effects from the treatment.

CR

Veho Nex

05-12-2011, 22:23

lol, I have family in Sonoma

Askthepizzaguy

05-13-2011, 02:41

lol, I have family in Sonoma

That's the weirdest thing I've read in this entire thread.

johnhughthom

05-13-2011, 02:49

lol, I have family in Sonoma

I take it you sleep face up when you visit?

Hosakawa Tito

05-13-2011, 10:40

Sonoma, the city of good neighbors.

Lemur

05-13-2011, 14:45

HS Bans Music Written by Homosexuals (http://www.joemcginniss.net/dateline-wasilla-hs-principal-bans-song-because-gay-man-wrote-it/Joe%20McGinniss) (throw in negroes, madmen and druggies and you've pretty much wiped out music)

[T]he principal of Wasilla High School told members of the school’s symphonic jazz choir that they would not be allowed to perform the 1975 Queen song “Bohemian Rhapsody” because Freddy Mercury, who wrote it, was gay. [...] the principal backed down–to a point. The choir will be allowed to perform the song, but only in a censored version, without lyrics the principal deems objectionable. [...]

My feathers are ruffled. If Wasillians are going to be consistent, they’ll need to ban the following composers and their work (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:SatyrTN/List_of_LGBT_composers).

Askthepizzaguy

05-13-2011, 14:52

Not to derail the thread, but I'm trying to understand the logic (probably my mistake).

Does this person think listening to music, written by someone who is gay, makes you gay?

If so, you would think there would be a lot more gay people on the planet. They should outnumber us good 'normal' straight folks by 100 to 1 by now. Truly, the solution to our overpopulation problem has never been simpler.... stay up late at night listening to Queen.

drone

05-13-2011, 15:07

I would have guessed they would ban it for the Beelzebub, not because Freddie was flaming. :inquisitive:

Askthepizzaguy

05-13-2011, 16:01

I would have guessed they would ban it for the Beelzebub, not because Freddie was flaming. :inquisitve:

Beelzebub? He's merely one of the princes of Hell. He's like their accountant. He's about as frightening as Robin Hood. Look, he even shoots arrows!

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/ce/Beelzebub_and_them_with_him.jpg

He's a demon of greed, man. I thought greed is what makes our economy function. Do you realize that if we don't buy the new iPad, ten thousand Chinese peasants will lose their cushy jobs working in the data mines? If we don't take out a shady-looking loan and buy one for each member of the family, including the dog, the cat, and the parakeet, people will starve.

Beelzebub is less demonized than Freddie Mercury's gayness, and BEELZEBUB IS A DEMON.

drone

05-13-2011, 16:14

My apologies. Maybe instead the reference to Galileo will get the ax. ~;)

Louis VI the Fat

05-13-2011, 18:23

What is in the water in Wasilla? :huh:

That place is beginning to look like that village from Twin Peaks. Everybody is mad. The isolation, the cold, it must affect their brain or something.

This thread is incomplete without the picture of the Wasilla school principal who banned Freddie Mercury and Elton John:

https://img840.imageshack.us/img840/7809/dwightpeltonjseparateda.jpg

gaygyagayyaggayaggayagayagaayyayyagay
Ten to one this is yet another gay man fighting his inner demons with outward homophobia.

Askthepizzaguy

05-13-2011, 18:40

For those of you who don't know, that would be Asmodeus, the demon of lust. Very important demon. Right up there with Geithnerius, the demon of the Treasury.

Banquo's Ghost

05-13-2011, 20:26

Right up there with Geithnerius, the demon of the Treasury.

I thought that was Osborne? :bounce:

Askthepizzaguy

05-13-2011, 21:48

I thought that was Osborne? :bounce:

Who, Ozzmodeus? He's the Demon of Transportation. He keeps the crazy trains running on time.

naut

05-14-2011, 00:40

I'm moving to Brazil. (http://m24digital.com/en/2011/05/11/the-court-ruled-in-her-favor-and-now-she-can-masturbate-at-work/)

A woman aged 36 was enabled by the justice to masturbate in her workplace because she has a strange disease.

This is the story of Ana Catarina Bezerra Silvares, an employee of an accounting firm, a divorced mother of three who lives in the village Vila Velha, Espírito Santo.

The woman suffers from a rare condition known as “compulsion orgasmic”, caused by a chemical alteration in the brain region of the cortex, which leads her to masturbate several times a day to relieve the deep anguish that it causes.

Under this circumstance, Bezerra started legal proceedings with the company where she works that eventually won and that enables to masturbate for 15 minutes every two hours, besides using the computer to see erotic images that stimulate her desire.

The Brazilian newspaper North Regiao reported that the woman confessed, “There was a day I had to masturbate 47 times”, adding: “I began to suppose that this could not be normal, and decided to seek help.”

Currently, Bezerra follows a treatment that includes a potent cocktail of sedatives which gets her to “only” masturbate 18 times a day.

Crazed Rabbit

05-14-2011, 18:22

Swine Shootout on the Streets of Spokane: (http://www.spokesman.com/stories/2011/may/13/500-pound-pig-shot-death-spokane-valley/)

A 500-pound pig was shot to death by a Washington State Patrol trooper in Spokane Valley this afternoon after escaping a van and absorbing several Taser shocks.

Trooper Morgan Mehaffey saw the pig running down the sidewalk near North Pines Road and East Mission Avenue after spotting a van driving erratically with its back window broken out.

The driver got out to corral the animal, which had escaped through a broken back passenger window, but it knocked her down and ran, Mehaffey said. Three men at a nearby gas station asked Mehaffey if he had a tow rope.

“I said, ‘No. I have bullets,’” Mehaffey said.

The pig ran into traffic on Mission, so Mehaffey used his patrol car to push it back onto the sidewalk. Witnesses arrived with a tow rope, and the woman agreed to let Mehaffey shock the pig with his Taser to try to subdue it long enough to lasso it.

But the pig seemed unfazed by the Taser and again fled.

“As soon as the pig got loose, the lady said, ‘Shoot it,’” Mehaffey said.

The pig died of a gunshot wound.

CR

Lemur

05-14-2011, 18:35

Swine Shootout on the Streets of Spokane: (http://www.spokesman.com/stories/2011/may/13/500-pound-pig-shot-death-spokane-valley/)
Justice tastes like bacon.

Hosakawa Tito

05-14-2011, 22:12

Justice tastes like bacon.

And looks like fine art. Van Gogh would be so proud.
https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v517/hoppy84/porky-night.jpg

Lemur

05-18-2011, 16:29

And here I thought you were supposed to eat that with some fava beans and a nice Chianti (http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/05/17/us-russia-crime-idUSTRE74G5F820110517)

Russian police said on Tuesday they had detained a man who was caught eating an acquaintance's liver.

Police tracked down the suspect after a trail of severed body parts including limbs and a head were found across Moscow.

"When the police came to arrest the suspect, he was eating a human liver with potatoes," a police spokeswoman for the Moscow's western district said by telephone.

The rest of the human liver was found in a refrigerator in the suspect's flat. The police spokeswoman said the cause of the acquaintance's death was not clear.

Lemur

05-19-2011, 19:28

-deletia-

Tellos Athenaios

05-19-2011, 23:38

Apple Faith (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/05/19/fanboi_brain_study/)

In a recent BBC documentary, Secrets of the Superbrands (BBC iPlayer), the neuroscientists ran an MRI scan on the brain of Alex Brooks, the editor of World of Apple, who claims that the Jobsian cult is "definitely" on his mind 24 hours a day. They discovered that photos of things like the iPhone and the iPad make certain parts of his brain all tingly.

"We see quite an amount of changes in the brain when he's actually looking at Apple products, which is quite fascinating," explained professor Gemma Calvert, a neuroscientist at the University of Warwick. "There's much more activity in the visual cortex, an enhanced visual attention, if you like, to Apple products." Much the same thing occurs, she explained, when holy imagery is shown to religious zealots.

"This suggests that the big tech brands have harnessed, or exploit, the brain areas that have evolved to process religion,” she chillingly elaborated.

Gregoshi

05-20-2011, 05:09

Apple Faith (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/05/19/fanboi_brain_study/)

Ugh. Didn't we learn a long time ago that apples and religion don't mix?

Hosakawa Tito

05-20-2011, 10:33

Hehehe, and his God is $$$. Tingly ingreed indeed.

Veho Nex

05-23-2011, 18:44

Tiger on the loose! (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-13491268)

Lemur

05-24-2011, 22:23

I see Crazed Rabbit has been using the federal government, as this hare-raising tale will tell.

USDA fines Missouri family $90k for selling a few rabbits without a license (http://dailycaller.com/2011/05/24/usda-fines-missouri-family-90k-for-selling-a-few-rabbits-without-a-license/)

It started out as a hobby, a way for the Dollarhite family in Nixa, Mo., to teach a teenage son responsibility. Like a lemonade stand.

But now, selling a few hundred rabbits over two years has provoked the heavy hand of the federal government to the tune of a $90,643 fine. The fine was levied more than a year after authorities contacted family members, prompting them to immediately halt their part-time business and liquidate their equipment. [...]

John and Judy Dollarhite began selling rabbit meat by the pound in 2006, and as pets to neighbors and friends in 2008.

Raised on the three-acre lot on which their home sits, the rabbits were heralded by local experts for their quality and kept in pristine condition.

When a local pet store asked them to supply their pet rabbits, the Dollarhites had no idea they would be running afoul of an obscure federal regulation that prohibits selling more than $500 worth of rabbits to a pet store without a license from the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA). Under the law, pet stores are exempt from regulation.

But by selling to pet stores for resale, the humble Dollarhites became “wholesale breeders of pet animals,” said Dave Sacks, a spokesman for USDA who defended the fine, even while admitting it “looks curious” to the average person.

That’s especially so since the Dollarhites face no accusation they mistreated any animals. Instead, they committed what’s called in regulatory parlance a “paperwork violation” under the Animal Welfare Act, a 1966 law intended to prevent the abuse of animals.

The fine is part of a campaign to step up enforcement of the law that has included levying fines on magicians who use rabbits in magic hat tricks.

Hosakawa Tito

05-24-2011, 23:05

Severed head of genital disease saint for sale in Ireland (http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/republic-of-ireland/severed-head-of-genital-disease-saint-for-sale-in-ireland-16003082.html). They really have a patron saint for this? :laugh4:

InsaneApache

05-25-2011, 10:58

A New Zealand truck driver who fell on a compressed air hose that pierced his buttock has survived being blown up like a balloon.

Steven McCormack had fallen between the cab and the trailer of his truck, breaking the air hose.

The nozzle pierced his buttock and began pumping air into his body, which expanded dramatically.

As he screamed, Mr McCormack's colleagues turned the air off and lay him on his side, saving his life.

The accident happened at Opotiki on the North Island on Saturday.

Mr McCormack, who is 48, is still in hospital in the nearest town, Whakatane.

He said that doctors had told him they were surprised that his skin had not burst, as the compressed air - pumping into his body at 100lb/sq in - had separated fat from muscle.
Continue reading the main story
“
Start Quote

I was blowing up like a football... I had no choice but just to lay there, blowing up like a balloon”
Steven McCormack

"I felt the air rush into my body and I felt like it was going to explode from my foot.

"I was blowing up like a football... it felt like I had the bends, like in diving. I had no choice but just to lay there, blowing up like a balloon," he told the local newspaper, the Whakatane Beacon.

He said his skin feels "like a pork roast", hard and crackly on the outside but soft underneath.

He credits his colleagues, especially Jason Wenham who lay him on his side, with saving his life.

Mr Wenham, Ross Hustler and Robbie Petersen had lifted Mr McCormack off the brass nozzle which was still stuck in his body, and packed ice around his swollen neck until an ambulance arrived.

Doctors inserted a tube into his lungs to drain the fluid and cleared the wound in his buttock using what felt to him like a drill.

"That was the most painful part," he said.

"It's fair to say he's lucky to be alive, it was a potentially life-threatening situation," a hospital spokeswoman told AFP on Wednesday.

Mr McCormack confided that the air was gradually escaping his body in the way that air usually does.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-13537084

Gregoshi

05-25-2011, 22:13

That must have been a pain in the derriere.

Hosakawa Tito

05-26-2011, 22:53

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=tRHnTFesv7c

Never ceases to amaze me the stupid things some people will do to get attention. :laugh4:

naut

05-27-2011, 08:29

Planking is awesome. Although 2 people have died because of it.

Ronin

05-27-2011, 13:20

Planking is awesome. Although 2 people have died because of it.

even more awesome....

good entertainment and clears up the gene pool.

Gregoshi

05-27-2011, 15:36

even more awesome....

good entertainment and clears up the gene pool.

:laugh4: Good one.

And now, the pun: The things people will do when they are bored.

InsaneApache

05-27-2011, 19:27

:laugh4: Good one.

And now, the pun: The things people will do when they are bored.

I'm not going to take that lying down.

HoreTore

05-27-2011, 23:39

9-year old american girl meets grumpy norwegian software support. (http://edition.cnn.com/2011/TECH/web/05/26/opera.oprah.emails/index.html)

And tells her to switch from Hannah Montana to NOFX..... A shame they only show a few of the emails they got. The full emails can be found here. (http://my.opera.com/chooseopera/blog/2011/05/25/oprah-winfrey-we-will-miss-you)

Gregoshi

05-27-2011, 23:39

:laugh4: Good one.

And now, the pun: The things people will do when they are bored stiff.
There, fixed it.

edyzmedieval

05-28-2011, 00:11

even more awesome....

good entertainment and clears up the gene pool.

:laugh4:

Thank you for the laugh.

InsaneApache

05-28-2011, 01:51

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-13577478

:)

Hosakawa Tito

05-30-2011, 02:13

Magic Penis Killing (http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Magic-penis-killing-set-for-trial-date-20110525). Sounds like magic penis envy to me. I'm sure Devastatin' Dave could tell us a story or two.

Gregoshi

05-30-2011, 03:05

Magic Penis Killing (http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Magic-penis-killing-set-for-trial-date-20110525). Sounds like magic penis envy to me...
I have fears of being terrorized by a snail, so I can relate to the accused.

Samurai Waki

05-30-2011, 03:10

naut

05-30-2011, 03:23

"They also accused his wife of turning into a snail and terrorising the community."

BAHAHAHA!

Ronin

05-30-2011, 22:12

Hosakawa Tito

05-31-2011, 10:50

Counter protest to the westboro church at arlington includes...the KKK? (http://edition.cnn.com/2011/US/05/30/arlington.cemetery.protesters/index.html?iref=allsearch)

Someone go check if hell is getting chilly.

Some people aren't fond of chocolate ice cream, others don't care for neopolitan. Hate comes in all flavors.
---------------------------------------------

My little pony (http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=15716018). Can't wait to see the bull-riding competition. :laugh4:

InsaneApache

06-01-2011, 07:24

I like a good penis lopping story me.....

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-south-asia-13594762

TheLastDays

06-01-2011, 08:15

"We are treating him so that he can urinate normally without the penis."

Ouch...

Well how in the world is his severed penis evidence for his attempted rape?

Banquo's Ghost

06-01-2011, 12:52

Ouch...

Well how in the world is his severed penis evidence for his attempted rape?

If he hadn't had it out and about, it might have been more tricky for her to cut it off.

Gregoshi

06-01-2011, 21:05

Well how in the world is his severed penis evidence for his attempted rape?
That's called hard evidence.

Veho Nex

06-01-2011, 22:10

That's called hard evidence.

But I doubt it would stand up in court.

Hosakawa Tito

06-01-2011, 22:33

I must say, that's pretty stiff punishment.

InsaneApache

06-02-2011, 00:16

Cum on guys, you should be glans that you dint semen the whole picture.

Samurai Waki

06-02-2011, 06:43

I thought of making a Yakov Smirnoff joke, then I thought you guys could come up with something better. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-13623938)

Ronin

06-02-2011, 10:39

there as been a real rush to Darwin Award nominations this past month.

Ronin

06-02-2011, 16:47

Teen sells kidney for Ipad 2..now regrets it. (http://gizmodo.com/5807795/teen-sells-his-kidney-for-an-ipad-2-teen-now-regrets-it)

In other news, Steve Jobs is showing up back to work at Apple.

drone

06-02-2011, 17:11

Teen sells kidney for Ipad 2..now regrets it. (http://gizmodo.com/5807795/teen-sells-his-kidney-for-an-ipad-2-teen-now-regrets-it)

In other news, Steve Jobs is showing up back to work at Apple.

I thought Jobs needed a pancreas. :inquisitive:

Ronin

06-02-2011, 17:39

every little bit helps dude... :P

gaelic cowboy

06-02-2011, 18:27

Not exactly News of the Weird more News of Cheap Beer.

Tesco mistake leads to beer rush, police called to bring order to Beer 'stampede' (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-13621315)

Hosakawa Tito

06-02-2011, 23:43

Not exactly News of the Weird more News of Cheap Beer.

Tesco mistake leads to beer rush, police called to bring order to Beer 'stampede' (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-13621315)

Small wonder there wasn't a riot. So, how many cartfuls did you get IA ?

InsaneApache

06-03-2011, 00:22

Small wonder there wasn't a riot. So, how many cartfuls did you get IA ?

:laugh4:

None.

I'm gutted, absolutely gutted. :bigcry:

Mind you I'd have had to drive for about 5 hours and possibly need two tank fulls to get to Greenock and back.

http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?client=opera&rls=en&q=Greenock&oe=utf-8&channel=suggest&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=0x4889a54d98f64263:0xe225f63045361dfc,Greenock,+Inverclyde&gl=uk&ei=RxroTfWRNYbLhAe865mFAQ&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CEAQ8gEwAA

Cos I live around here...

http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?client=opera&rls=en&q=yorkshire&oe=utf-8&channel=suggest&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=0x487952303242e207:0x2e8d390d121dae8,Yorkshire&gl=uk&ei=hhroTe33HsWbhQfsyYiFAQ&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CC0Q8gEwAA

Hosakawa Tito

06-03-2011, 00:34

:laugh4:

None.

I'm gutted, absolutely gutted. :bigcry:

Mind you I'd have had to drive for about 5 hours and possibly need two tank fulls to get to Greenock and back.

http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?client=opera&rls=en&q=Greenock&oe=utf-8&channel=suggest&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=0x4889a54d98f64263:0xe225f63045361dfc,Greenock,+Inverclyde&gl=uk&ei=RxroTfWRNYbLhAe865mFAQ&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CEAQ8gEwAA

Cos I live around here...

http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?client=opera&rls=en&q=yorkshire&oe=utf-8&channel=suggest&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=0x487952303242e207:0x2e8d390d121dae8,Yorkshire&gl=uk&ei=hhroTe33HsWbhQfsyYiFAQ&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CC0Q8gEwAA

Oh come on. Darwin sailed halfway round the world and wasted gobs of cash to collect a bunch of weeds and dead animal carcasses. We're talking 3 crates of BEER for 11 quid man.
Gutted indeed.:shame:

Fragony

06-03-2011, 14:16

LOL@ the English intelligence agency.

You all heard of the 'make a bomb in the kitchen of your mom' probably, English spooks hacked and put a recept for cupcakes instead. For 2 weeks

The mental image of a jihadi making a cupcake is just too funny where is Leslie Nielson when you need him

gaelic cowboy

06-03-2011, 16:37

And to think people used just do it for Fava beans and some Chianti China: Teenager 'sells kidney for iPad' (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-13639934)

Ronin

06-03-2011, 16:51

And to think people used just do it for Fava beans and some Chianti China: Teenager 'sells kidney for iPad' (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-13639934)

dude...that's just 3 or 4 posts above.

gaelic cowboy

06-03-2011, 17:08

dude...that's just 3 or 4 posts above.

I know

Gregoshi

06-04-2011, 08:19

We may have to quarantine this thread to prevent spreading the current outbreak of Lemur's disease.

Fragony

06-04-2011, 08:25

Fail is all the worse because he ate the liver. Kidneys are best with brandy, orange skin and sour apples(optional)

gaelic cowboy

06-04-2011, 14:48

Fail is all the worse because he ate the liver. Kidneys are best with brandy, orange skin and sour apples(optional)

Bah neighbour of mine used eat liver raw straight out of the butchers shop right on the side of the street, he was is the toughest man I know.

Crazed Rabbit

06-04-2011, 18:55

Bank is foreclosed on by homeowners. (http://www.digtriad.com/news/watercooler/article/178031/176/Florida-Homeowner-Forecloses-On-Bank-Of-America)

CR

Louis VI the Fat

06-04-2011, 20:58

Bah neighbour of mine used eat liver raw straight out of the butchers shop right on the side of the street, he was is the toughest man I know.Pah! I eat my way to his warm convulsing liver straight through a live goose. http://matousmileys.free.fr/mampf2.gif

gaelic cowboy

06-04-2011, 22:34

Pah! I eat my way to his warm convulsing liver straight through a live goose. http://matousmileys.free.fr/mampf2.gif

:laugh4: I like to see you try Louis, honestly I seen him do things that would put you off your dinner.

Hosakawa Tito

06-04-2011, 22:54

Bank is foreclosed on by homeowners. (http://www.digtriad.com/news/watercooler/article/178031/176/Florida-Homeowner-Forecloses-On-Bank-Of-America)

CR

Sweet justice! :laugh4:

drone

06-04-2011, 22:56

Bank is foreclosed on by homeowners. (http://www.digtriad.com/news/watercooler/article/178031/176/Florida-Homeowner-Forecloses-On-Bank-Of-America)

CR
That link is so full of win. :yes:

InsaneApache

06-05-2011, 01:24

So, how did it end with bank being foreclosed on? After more than 5 months of the judge's ruling, the bank still hadn't paid the legal fees, and the homeowner's attorney did exactly what the bank tried to do to the homeowners. He seized the bank's assets.

Oh yes please, more of this...

Hosakawa Tito

06-05-2011, 21:10

The Gas Mines of Uranus (http://news.discovery.com/space/project-icarus-helium-3-mining-uranus-110531.html). I wonder if beans were involved? What a title! :laugh4:

InsaneApache

06-06-2011, 00:35

The Gas Mines of Uranus (http://news.discovery.com/space/project-icarus-helium-3-mining-uranus-110531.html). I wonder if beans were involved? What a title! :laugh4:

You know, when I was about eleven, like most kids in 1971 I wanted to be an astronaut, (closely followed by train driver), so I got into Astronomy big time. Paddy Moore was my hero. Anyroad, I took delight in informing all my paters workmates that Uranus is 32, 000 miles in diameter.

:7astronaut:

Xiahou

06-06-2011, 03:24

Bank is foreclosed on by homeowners. (http://www.digtriad.com/news/watercooler/article/178031/176/Florida-Homeowner-Forecloses-On-Bank-Of-America)

CR

Was just about to post this.... but then thought I should check the News of the Weird to see if someone beat me to it.... and someone did. :yes:

This story is pure liquid awesome.

Lemur

06-06-2011, 14:10

Police cannot arrest flasher 'cause they can't decide if she is aroused (http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/864888-female-flasher-escaping-arrest-as-police-cant-tell-if-shes-aroused-or-not)

Voyeuristic Berlin flasher Annette Kaiser, who comes and goes in the blink of an eye, is flaunting a loophole in the law which says she can't be prosecuted for her 'crime' unless she gets turned on in the act.

Police are at a loss as to how they can prosecute 34-year-old Kaiser because, in Germany, simply flashing some flesh isn't a crime - authorities must prove the perpetrator is sexually aroused.

Officers say that catching men is easy because its pretty obvious if they're excited.

Women, though, are different, the German police cleverly observed.

'If a man drops his trousers, it is easy to see he is excited, but with a woman that is not possible,' a spokesman explained.

Askthepizzaguy

06-06-2011, 18:46

If these poor people cannot tell when a woman is aroused, then I pity them.

Ronin

06-06-2011, 18:50

police officers will start getting assigned talcum powder dispensers..... :P

Hosakawa Tito

06-06-2011, 20:47

Beer toting man robs bank (http://www.daytondailynews.com/news/crime/beer-toting-man-reportedly-robs-bank-is-caught-after-dye-pack-explodes-1176255.html). Armed robbery - something to do with your other hand while drinking a beer. He didn't spill a drop either so I guess he had his priorities straight..:laugh4:

InsaneApache

06-07-2011, 03:05

And he drank a beer throughout the entire chase.

That man is clearly innocent.

Hosakawa Tito

06-07-2011, 23:30

World's Oldest Stash, Busted (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28034925/ns/technology_and_science-science/t/worlds-oldest-marijuana-stash-totally-busted/).

He and his international team analyzed the cannabis, which was excavated at the Yanghai Tombs near Turpan, China. It was found lightly pounded in a wooden bowl in a leather basket near the head of a blue-eyed Caucasian man who died when he was about 45.

My Celtic ancestors playing Marco-Polo. "Honest Officer, we was just making rope outta the stuff.":laugh4:

Lemur

06-08-2011, 17:09

Is that a contortionist in your luggage, or are you just happy to see me? (http://news.travel.aol.com/2011/06/08/krzysztof-grzegorz-and-jouoastaw-k-polish-contortionists-steal/)

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/LeslieTipton_468x313.jpg

A Polish contortionist and his accomplice were arrested in Spain on Friday for stealing valuable items from travelers' checked luggage after gaining entry to the cargo of an airport transit bus by hiding himself in a small suitcase.

Krzysztof Grzegorz and Jouoastaw K were arrested after a bus company employee noticed a man struggling to retrieve his heavy luggage from the Girona Airport to Barcelona bus. When officers checked the case, they noticed it was warm and opened it only to discover a very sweaty 5'8" thief holding a laptop and a GPS device that didn't belong to him.

The contortionist was using a head lamp to root through the bus's cargo hold while his partner rode in relative luxury above.

A Catalan police spokesperson told the press: "I believe this is what the British call an open and shut case."

Crazed Rabbit

06-09-2011, 08:07

In Washington we like to do two things with animals both of which start with 'f'.

One of those is fight; (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2011/06/08/national/a120610D36.DTL&tsp=1)

Man with dead weasel accused of assault

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

(06-08) 12:25 PDT Hoquiam, Wash. (AP) --

Police say a man was carrying a dead weasel when he burst into an apartment and assaulted a man in Washington state.

The victim asked, "Why are you carrying a weasel?" Police said the attacker answered, "It's not a weasel, it's a marten," then punched him in the nose and fled.

The attacker was apparently looking for his girlfriend and had gone to her former boyfriend's apartment Monday where the victim was a guest.

KXRO reports he left the carcass behind.

Police later found the 33-year-old Hoquiam man arguing with his girlfriend at another location and arrested him after a fight.

He said he had found the marten dead near Hoquiam, but police don't know why he carried it with him.

A marten is a member of the weasel family.

Even our criminals are smarter than yours.

CR