News of the Weird [Archive] - Page 2

Lemur

05-23-2007, 20:31

What do you mean I can't walk around naked in Berlin (http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSL2245467620070523?feedType=RSS)?

Naked U.S. tourist shocks German city

Wed May 23, 2007 9:54AM EDT

BERLIN (Reuters) - A naked American tourist raised eyebrows when he went for a walk through a German city and told police he thought this was acceptable behavior in Germany.

"We have been having unusually hot weather here lately but, all the same, we can't have this," a spokesman for police in the southern city of Nuremberg said Tuesday. "The man said he thought walking around naked was tolerated in Germany."

Many Germans enjoy nude sunbathing which is allowed in public parks. The 41-year-old was carrying his clothes in a bag when police stopped him Monday evening after complaints from pedestrians.

The tourist was not under the influence of drugs, said police. They made him get dressed and pay a 200 euro ($269) deposit pending his investigation for indecent behavior.

English assassin

05-24-2007, 10:06

Well you can in the UK if you try hard enough (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/3420685.stm)

The man dubbed the naked rambler has finally completed his marathon trek from Land's End to John O'Groats.
Stephen Gough, 44, from Hampshire, finished his walk after seven months, much of which was spent in jail.

Naked tramp if you ask me, but still, I salute his perseverance.

InsaneApache

05-24-2007, 12:03

At some point in the not too distant future, a moth will take flight in the hills of northern Pakistan, and flap towards a suspected terrorist training camp.

But this will be no ordinary moth.

Inside it will be a computer chip that was implanted when the creature was still a pupa, in the cocoon, meaning that the moth’s entire nervous system can be controlled remotely.

The moth will thus be capable of landing in the camp without arousing suspicion, all the while beaming video and other information back to its masters via what its developers refer to as a “reliable tissue-machine interface.”
Related Links
Scientists create remote-controlled pigeon

The creation of insects whose flesh grows around computer parts – known from science fiction as ‘cyborgs’ – has been described as one of the most ambitious robotics projects ever conceived by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (Darpa), the research and development arm of the US Department of Defense.

Cry havoc and release the Moths of War! (http://technology.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/tech_and_web/article1831494.ece)

:sweatdrop:

Something for the terrorists to get into a flap about. :embarassed:

Banquo's Ghost

05-24-2007, 12:30

Even better, the mere presence of a can of Raid will provide the pretext for full scale invasion of any nation on the basis of interfering with US military technology.

On the plus side, a lot of existing weaponry will be mothballed.

Gregoshi

05-24-2007, 14:04

Alas, the one weakness of the mothcam is that they get easily distracted by units of light infantry.

InsaneApache

05-24-2007, 14:18

Alas, the one weakness of the mothcam is that they get easily distracted by units of light infantry.

They must be incandescent with rage.

Banquo's Ghost

05-24-2007, 15:14

Alas, the one weakness of the mothcam is that they get easily distracted by units of light infantry.

They must be incandescent with rage.

I give up. I can't hold a candle to you two.

Big King Sanctaphrax

05-24-2007, 15:45

These puns are dreadful, I really should flame the lot of you.

Warmaster Horus

05-24-2007, 18:13

I'm sure they wouldn't mind that.
They'd just flame back with puns galore!

Gregoshi

05-24-2007, 21:36

These puns are dreadful, I really should flame the lot of you.

Ah BKS, you have no powers here. Your puny threats don't bother me. My Pun Fu is stronger than yours. ~;)

:bow:

Lemur

05-24-2007, 22:30

What would Jesus spray? (http://www.virtueperfume.com/) World's first "Christian perfume," named, aptly, Virtue.

The testimonials (http://www.virtueperfume.com/testimonial.htm) are particularly ... weird.

My experience with the fragrance VIRTUE® came at a time when it was critical for my physical, spiritual and emotional health. As a single mom I had a sense that my energy was winding down. It seemed as if the more exhausted I became , the more responsibility tracked me down like a heat seeking missile.

In my life, I have always had a heart for serving the needs of the community and though my passion was still in tact, my energy was not. In this world we are taught that to be successful one must run the race and finish first. But for me, God was asking me to be still...this was very hard.

I believe that often times the hustle and bustle of this fast paced life can lead you like a whirlwind to a destination that may end in devastating circumstances unless we deliberately take the time to be still and count our blessings. Wherever we are , whatever we are doing, we must all take a moment to be still. Asking God to meet us wherever we are for the stillness of knowing his peace, is only a moment away.

I wear VIRTUE® because of what it symbolizes in purity of intention, thought and deed. It is a beautiful fragrance with a higher meaning that I believe most human beings aspire to.

I have given it to my loved ones and strangers who have asked "What is that beautiful fragrance you are wearing?" The 6 years of biblical research to birth this fragrance is not only fascinating, but also an opportunity to share testimony with others.

The best use so far has been spraying it in my home, my children's room or on their pillow before they sleep. To all of my sisters in Christ I say: A mother's heart is like a deep well that bursts forth in tears when her children are in pain, who prays endlessly for love to guide them to a righteous path and blesses the broken road because their journey will end in strength, faith and a victorious life.

Ultimately, it is my desire to be a pleasing fragrance to God and that is why I wear VIRTUE® and have shared my testimony.

Joanne A.

Gregoshi

05-24-2007, 22:41

The testimonials (http://www.virtueperfume.com/testimonial.htm) are particularly ... weird.
Those are Old Testaments Lemur.

I guess after putting it on, one is obligated to say "In Jesus' name, we spray. Amen."

Louis VI the Fat

05-25-2007, 02:30

I give up.

These puns are dreadful, I really should flame the lot of you.At least the Frontroom moths are putting up a fight. :knight:

Gregoshi

05-25-2007, 04:10

At least the Frontroom moths are putting up a fight. :knight:
Here here Louis. And to think -the Backroom is a darker forum too. ~:cheers:

Banquo's Ghost

05-25-2007, 09:24

What would Jesus spray? (http://www.virtueperfume.com/) World's first "Christian perfume," named, aptly, Virtue.

To be frank, incensed is how I am feeling now.

English assassin

05-25-2007, 15:34

World's first "Christian perfume," named, aptly, Virtue

Sure to be popeular.

Gregoshi

05-25-2007, 17:19

EA, do you mean popeular with the papal in general or just Christian women? I have to express concern that Roamin' women in department stores bestowing their Virtue upon unsuspecting customers does not conjure up a very Christian image. Seems like a Cardinal sin to me.

I wonder if the church gets one scent of the prophets from this spiritual praygrance.

Louis VI the Fat

05-25-2007, 17:20

So I guess God has scent His only Son

Gregoshi

05-25-2007, 17:27

Hey, Zeus?

drone

05-25-2007, 18:04

Somebody ought to make a movie about this:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/meast/05/24/egypt.snakes.ap/index.html

Man with 700 snakes arrested at airport
POSTED: 11:21 a.m. EDT, May 24, 2007

CAIRO, Egypt (AP) -- Customs officers at Cairo's airport have detained a man bound for Saudi Arabia who was trying to smuggle 700 live snakes on a plane, airport authorities said.

~D

InsaneApache

05-25-2007, 18:05

Let's see him wriggle out of that one.

Gawain of Orkeny

05-25-2007, 22:33

Heres one. Its not so weird but what they heck its interesting.

ttp://images.chron.com/photos/2007/05/19/6407518/311xInlineGallery.jpg

Justis Richert, 21, of Knoxville, Tenn., poses in her pink car in Knoxville on May 19, with a Tennessee Highway Patrol speeding ticket she got for allegedly driving 92 mph in a 70 mph zone. Richert's blog, written under her porn star screen name "Barbie Cummings," includes a report that she avoided a drug charge by performing oral sex on a Tennessee Highway Patrol officer.
Michael Patrick: AP

LINK (http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/bizarre/4834736.html)

Hope he isnt or should i say wasnt married :laugh4:

Hosakawa Tito

05-26-2007, 00:23

Bringing home the bacon. (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070525/ap_on_fe_st/monster_pig)

Crazed Rabbit

05-26-2007, 00:49

That's one darn big pig:
http://img.breitbart.com/images/2007/5/25/D8PBKB5G0/D8PBKB5G0.jpg

CR

Lemur

05-26-2007, 18:11

Brain-eating zombies invade Apple Store. (http://news.com.com/8301-10784_3-9723086-7.html?part=rss&subj=news&tag=2547-1_3-0-5) Very funny, actually (especially if you love zombies).

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/zombie-gnaws-on-imac_270x405.jpg

Lemur

05-26-2007, 18:16

No sooner did I begin my daily News of the Weird scan, than I found this (http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20021002-000009.html). I can't think of an appropriate way to sum it up, so I'll just let the article speak for itself.

Crying Over Spilled Semen

Why women who don't use condoms feel happier.

By:Tiffany Kary

The finding that women who do not use condoms during sex are less depressed and less likely to attempt suicide than are women who have sex with condoms and women who are not sexually active, leads one researcher to conclude that semen contains powerful-and potentially addictive-mood-altering chemicals.

Study author Gordon G. Gallup, Ph.D., a psychologist at the State University of New York in Albany, also found that women who routinely had intercourse without condoms became increasingly depressed as more time elapsed since their last sexual encounter. There was no such correlation for women whose partners regularly used condoms.

Gallup's survey of 293 college women also found that those who did not use condoms were most likely to initiate sex and to seek out new partners as soon as a relationship ended. "These women are more vulnerable to the rebound effect, which suggests that there is a chemical dependency," says Gallup.

Semen contains hormones including testosterone, estrogen, prolactin, luteinizing hormone and prostaglandins, and some of these are absorbed through the walls of the vagina and are known to elevate mood.

Gallup controlled for variables including method of contraception, frequency of sexual intercourse, as well as the women's perception of their relationship. He concedes that women who regularly have sex without condoms might share personality traits that make them less susceptible to depression. But the behavior most often associated with non-condom users is sexual risk-taking, and studies have found no correlation between high-risk sexual behavior and lower rates of depression.

Gallup's study, which he deems "the first serious attempt to investigate the effect of semen chemistry on women," titillated the public and rankled some academics upon publication in Archives of Sexual Behavior. Gallup says he has since replicated the findings with a sample of 700 women and will examine whether "semen withdrawal" places women at an increased risk for depression when they are premenstrual, menopausal or have just given birth, as many women abstain from sex during these periods.

Crazed Rabbit

05-26-2007, 18:39

Lemur

05-26-2007, 18:53

Hunting for brains, eh? They must have left unsatisfied.
Surely you could have worked a pun in there somewhere. You know, something about how instead of brains all they found was bad apples.

Gawain of Orkeny

05-26-2007, 19:08

leads one researcher to conclude that semen contains powerful-and potentially addictive-mood-altering chemicals.

So then are they going to make a semen pill? Think of all the lives it could save. Hey maybe I can supply those natural girls who want every thing organic and fresh :laugh4:

Banquo's Ghost

05-26-2007, 20:31

Crazed Rabbit

05-26-2007, 21:21

Surely you could have worked a pun in there somewhere. You know, something about how instead of brains all they found was bad apples.

We can't all be Gregoshis', you know. Besides, I thought it a pithy remark about Apple stores.

But just for you;
Looks like they could have used a firewall at that store.

CR

First post as Senior member! Woohoo! :toff: I remember, back in the good old days, when the tavern was one forum and we had to use 25kb modems both ways in the snow...

Evil_Maniac From Mars

05-26-2007, 21:41

we had to use 25kb modems both ways in the snow...

I was doing that as little as two years ago. :laugh4:

Marshal Murat

05-26-2007, 21:44

The Zombies prefer Apples, they got more usable memory.

InsaneApache

05-26-2007, 21:50

I think that you guys have got to the core of the problem, noticeably without making the pips squeak!

Trust me to peel away the skin of a debate, so that I can get my teeth into the pippin that awaits.

EDIT: Congrats madbunny....:o)

Lemur

05-26-2007, 22:56

Hearty congratulations to the crazy rabbit for a well-deserved seniority.

What's weirding me out is that I posted two stories within minutes of each other, and it's the zombies in the apple store that everyone's responding to. Perhaps the other subject is too delicate? Too blue? Or maybe it's that the zombie story has a nice graphic?

I'm not sure what to make of it. I would think that news of the anti-depressive power of your manly fluids would be, well, news you can use. "Hi baby, I think I have the cure to your depression right here ..."

-edit-

Perhaps if I add a snazzy graphic for the Psychology Today story (http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20021002-000009.html)?

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/260903908_298434230a_o.jpg

Gregoshi

05-27-2007, 02:41

Besides, I thought it a pithy remark about Apple stores.

CR, I thought your comment was pretty darn funny. In fact, the more I've been thinking about over the past few hours, the funnier it gets. Congrats on your Seniorship too! :bow:

FactionHeir

05-28-2007, 14:52

When elephants are hungry... (http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/05/28/india.elephant.reut/index.html)

NEW DELHI, India (Reuters) -- An elephant in eastern India has sparked complaints from motorists who accuse it of blocking traffic and refusing to allow vehicles to pass unless drivers give it food, a newspaper has reported.

The Hindustan Times said Monday the elephant was scouting for food on a highway in the eastern state of Orissa, forcing motorists to roll down their windows and get out of the car.

"The tusker then inserts its trunk inside the vehicle and sniffs for food," local resident Prabodh Mohanty, who has come across the elephant twice, was quoted as saying.

"If you are carrying vegetables and banana inside your vehicle, then it will gulp them and allow you to go."

If a commuter does not wind down his window or resists opening the vehicle door, the elephant stands in front of the car until the driver allows him to carry out his routine inspection.

Forestry officials told the newspaper that the elephant is old and is therefore looking for easy food.

"So far, it has not harmed anybody," said Sirish Mohanty, a forest ranger working in the state.

"We are telling commuters regularly not to tease the elephant. But if people don't heed to our advice and harass the tusker, then it can retaliate."

Elephants are a protected and endangered species in India, which has nearly half of the world's 60,000 Asian elephants.

But conservationists say its population has fallen rapidly in recent years because of loss of habitat as a result of human encroachment into forest areas.

As for Lemur's story, that makes quite a bit of sense given the evolutionary aspect of it. Intercourse is an evolutionary expensive process that generally exists and is performed for the sake of procreation. When a condom is used, then only the expensive process is left with no chance of reproducing, therefore inducing some form of depression, as the woman is giving something but not receiving something back and from an evolutionary aspect feels inferior (women select for the best mates, to obtain good genes and the better women get the better genes and that kinda stuff, so if you get nothing, you know where you stand)
As for being more promiscuous after breaking up without usage, its a mechanism of self-defense, because if you bear a child from another man in a new relationship, in most animal species you condemn yourself to death. In human relationships either that or break-up if found out. Therefore they have more intercourse to increase the chacnes of the child being the new partner's so they don't get left standing in the rain with nothing.

Marshal Murat

05-28-2007, 19:08

The Polish Fight against Homosexuality (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6698753.stm)

Falwell lives again!

cegorach

05-29-2007, 09:29

Hopefully she will be sacked, but I doubt it - many officials from recent 'resource pool' have only one virtue - loyalty towards the right-wing morons and their 'reserve bench' is extremely short.

Amazing how 3% large party can gain such a great attention...:embarassed:

The most embarrassing government in our history I guess.:wall:

English assassin

05-29-2007, 11:06

The spokesperson for children's rights in Poland, Ewa Sowinska, singled out Tinky Winky, the purple character with a triangular aerial on his head.

Surely she is missing the point here? She is worried that exposure to Tinky Winky may make children grow up gay. But isn't it more of a problem that they might grow up purple, with a triangular aerial on their heads?

Mind you when I was growing up I used to watch Thomas the tank Engine and it never did me any harm. Oops, must dash, I've got the 11.23 to pull and I am nearly out of coal. Peeep.

Banquo's Ghost

05-29-2007, 11:11

Mind you when I was growing up I used to watch Thomas the tank Engine and it never did me any harm. Oops, must dash, I've got the 11.23 to pull and I am nearly out of coal. Peeep.

I was exposed to Pogle's Wood at an early age, and my impressionable mind was exposed to the idea that wisdom could only be found in the provision of a glass of claret to a suitably ancient personage.

Since this was my exact experience with my own father, I have continued to subscribe to this truth to this very day.

InsaneApache

05-29-2007, 12:04

Pogle's Wood, I'd forgotten all about that. Still it's weird that you remember it. :laugh4:

Banks are always charging fees. Even, apparently, to people who are trying to rob them.

Christopher Emmorey, 23, discovered that the hard way when he walked into the Royal Bank on George Street March 22 demanding that the teller give him $5,000 and telling her he had a gun in his pocket.

The fiscally responsible teller told Emmorey she could only give him $200, and told Emmorey there would be a $5 transaction fee because Emmorey was not a client at the bank.

:laugh4:

http://www.thepeterboroughexaminer.com/webapp/sitepages/content.asp?contentid=543450&catname=Local%20News&classif=

Louis VI the Fat

05-29-2007, 12:05

Teletubbies? Thomas the tank Engine? Pogle's Wood?

Tsk...

When I was a wee lad I used to watch Apostrophes from Bernard Pivot, critique littéraire français. :book:

cegorach

05-29-2007, 12:18

Surely she is missing the point here? She is worried that exposure to Tinky Winky may make children grow up gay. But isn't it more of a problem that they might grow up purple, with a triangular aerial on their heads?

Mind you when I was growing up I used to watch Thomas the tank Engine and it never did me any harm. Oops, must dash, I've got the 11.23 to pull and I am nearly out of coal. Peeep.

She is a laughing stock already for a looong time, but the 'toobies' joke will persecute her for the rest of her life and (much shorter) political presence.

For last2-3 days all media in Poland of any kind, all satirical blogs and most of the forums are full about 'gay fairy tale theory' jokes involving so many childerns' tales that I think if it were for her we would be all gay already.:juggle2:

Banquo's Ghost

05-29-2007, 12:20

When I was a wee lad I used to watch Apostrophes from Bernard Pivot, critique littéraire français. :book:

Crikey, whose idea was it to make him a Senior Member? :stunned:

(BTW, congratulations Louis - and to Xiahou, Crazed Rabbit and Andres. Well deserved all. :bow:)

Banquo's Ghost

05-29-2007, 12:42

Cleanliness really is next to godliness (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/05/29/ndettol29.xml).

Cleanliness caused death of 'Dettol Man'

By Nigel Bunyan
Last Updated: 2:13am BST 29/05/2007

A recluse died because his phobia for cleanliness drove him to using large quantities of antiseptic.

Jacques Niemand, 42, became so well known for his obsession that children living near his flat in Didsbury, Manchester, nicknamed him the ''Dettol Man''.

A pathologist told an inquest in the city that it was impossible to tell whether Mr Niemand had resorted to drinking the fluid or else had gradually been overpowered by its poisonous fumes.

The net result was that he had an inadequate supply of oxygen to his vital organs.

The inquest heard he habitually placed buckets of Dettol around his flat. Bottles of the product littered the rooms, while a further 100 containers had been packed inside a suitcase.

Mr Niemand's sister, Ruth Bain, said her brother had suffered from an obsessive cleaning disorder for a number of years. He had not seen his GP since 1992 because he feared the prospect of being detained under the Mental Health Act. "He didn't want any help and was scared of receiving it," she said.

Mrs Bain said she tended to stay away from the flat because she found the smell of antiseptic overpowering.

Several police officers who searched the premises last July, in the days after Mr Niemand's death, had to go off sick with aches and pains.

A pathologist, Dr Lorna McWilliam, said it was difficult to say whether his exposure to Dettol had been through ingestion or inhalation.

She added: "I cannot be sure his death arose through using an excessive amount at one time, but I suspect there must be an element of that."

The Manchester coroner, Leonard Gorodkin, recorded a verdict of misadventure.

He described it as "a most unusual kind of death", and added: "We do not know if death occurred quickly or over a period of time".

Mr Gorodkin disagreed with Mrs Bain's fear that her brother had wanted to end his life.

"If that had been the case the level of chlorate in his body would have been much higher," he said.

He suggested that since Mr Niemand knew workmen were due to begin improvements to his flat on the day he died he may have wanted to make himself particularly clean.

Last night the makers of Dettol, Reckitt Benkiser, were unavailable for comment.

Sad. I imagine he underestimated dettol it would take on his body.

Gregoshi

05-29-2007, 15:06

Nice one BG. My theory is that he kicked a bucket in his flat.

Lemur

05-29-2007, 15:07

It's one of those old man-in-underwear-wrestles-leopard (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/28/AR2007052800382.html) stories ...

Man Clad in Underwear Pins Leopard

By ARON HELLER
The Associated Press
Monday, May 28, 2007; 10:45 PM

JERUSALEM -- A man clad only in underwear and a T-shirt wrestled a wild leopard to the floor and pinned it for 20 minutes after the cat leapt through a window of his home and hopped into bed with his sleeping family.

"This kind of thing doesn't happen every day," said 49-year-old Arthur Du Mosch, a nature guide. "I don't know why I did it. I wasn't thinking, I just acted."

Raviv Shapira, who heads the southern district of the Israel Nature and Parks Protection Authority, said a half dozen leopards have been spotted recently near Du Mosch's small community of Kibbutz Sde Boker in the Negev desert in southern Israel, although they rarely threaten humans.

Shapira said it was probably food that lured the big cat. Leopards living near humans are usually too old to hunt in the wild and resort to chasing down domestic dogs and cats for food, he added.

Du Mosch's pet cat was in the bed with him at the time, along with his young daughter who had been frightened by a mosquito in her own room.

Shapira said the leopard was very weak when park rangers arrived at Du Mosch's home after the surprise late-night visit. He said nature officials would likely release it back into the wild.

Du Mosch said he probably would not have been able to control the big cat were it in better health. As a nature guide, he said, he was familiar with animals and did his best to hold down the leopard without harming it. He said he took it all in stride, "but the kids were excited."

FactionHeir

05-29-2007, 15:26

Creationist Musem opens.
English (http://www.washingtontimes.com/national/20070528-121237-1613r.htm)
German (http://www.stern.de/wissenschaft/natur/:Kreationisten-Museum-Und-Gott-Adam%2C-Eva-T-Rex/589977.html)

Some people never give up...

Banquo's Ghost

05-29-2007, 15:30

Du Mosch's pet cat was in the bed with him at the time, along with his young daughter who had been frightened by a mosquito in her own room.[/ex]

That part had me laughing out loud. Bet she never goes back to dad for safety again!

English assassin

05-29-2007, 15:48

Banquo's Ghost

05-29-2007, 15:59

I don't believe Du Mosch really wrestled a leopard. I think he's lion.

Well spotted. :2thumbsup:

Banquo's Ghost

05-29-2007, 20:20

The Empire Strikes Back (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/05/29/sunbeds_liberated/).

Brit cuffed for German towel-torching raid

Coach driver liberates Italian Riviera sun loungers
By Lester Haines
Published Tuesday 29th May 2007 13:59 GMT

A Brit coach driver successfully liberated Italian Riviera sun loungers from foreign occupation by setting fire to the towels traditionally used to denote German territorial sovereignty.

Glyn Bowden, 55, was driver for 55 South Wales tourists at at Viana Marina near San Remo. He yesterday recounted how the Germans "put their towels on the best sunbeds on the private beach and by a nearby pool", much to the chagrin of the British party, The Daily Mail reports.

Following complaints, Bowden told his party to "leave it to me", and duly dumped the towels at the end of the pool. He reported: "The following morning the Germans put them down even earlier so I did the same - with them shaking their fists at me from their windows."

"The next morning about 20 towels were there again so I collected them up, put them on a pile on the beach - and lit them. All the British tourists were cheering. But just a few minutes afterwards three police officers turned up and arrested me."
Indeed, Italian police held Bowden for two hours before the hotel's bosses successfully petitioned for his release. Bowden said: "They were going to charge me with criminal damage but the hotel - which owned the towels - intervened on my behalf."

The unrepentant Brit - who ensured no further German towel manoeuvres for the rest of the trip - declared: "The Germans thought they owned the private beach but I wanted to make sure my tourists got a crack of the whip."

We should note at this point that Bowden did in fact have recourse to international law to resolve the matter without incendiary action. Back in 2005, German lawyer Ralf Höcker declared sun lounger annexation illegal, explaining: "British tourist would be quite within their legal rights to ignore the reservation implied by the towels if there is nobody there."

English assassin

05-30-2007, 12:10

Dog bites man? Not weird.

Man eats dog as art? Oh yes :yes:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6703423.stm

Performance artist Mark McGowan has eaten what he claims was a cooked corgi in a protest over the Royal Family's treatment of animals.

McGowan, who is a vegetarian, said he wanted his unusual meal to raise awareness about "the RSPCA's inability to prosecute Prince Philip and his friends".

I admire his dogged determination to bring Prince Philip to heel. In fact, I think it's the dog's.

(Ha, and not a hot dog pun in sight)

And further research reveals that Mr McGowan is a rich vein of weirdness. Before he went all commercial on us with dog eating, his stunts included trying to wipe out his student debt by using his nose to roll a monkey nut across London, rolling across London to promote kindness to cleaners and walking backwards with a turkey on his head to fight obesity. (as you do)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/3102458.stm

Sure, he could try to get a "job", but where's the fun in that?

Mikeus Caesar

05-30-2007, 12:19

>>>Stupid animal activist story goes here<<<

Pillock and hypocrite.

"I'm disgusted at the fact the Royal Family would dare shoot a fox for sport as they have done for centuries, so i'm going to eat a corgi to make a 'statement'. Also because i think it's a right larf, just so long as you don't point out the fact i'm a HUMONGOUS BLOODY HYPOCRITICAL ####!!!"

InsaneApache

05-30-2007, 12:19

As an artist he should winalot of prizes for that! It does take the biscuit though. I wonder if he's got a pal he can bounce into the mix?

ShadesPanther

05-30-2007, 23:34

Dog bites man? Not weird.

Man eats dog as art? Oh yes :yes:

I admire his dogged determination to bring Prince Philip to heel. In fact, I think it's the dog's.

I think he's barking up the wrong tree with that approach.

Lemur

05-31-2007, 00:21

My favorite fatwa: It's okay to be alone with a woman, so long as you suckle her teat (http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,21805283-663,00.html).

Izzat Atiyaa had issued a fatwa, or religious ruling, offering his bold suggestion as a way around the prohibition in Islamic religious law against a woman working in private premises with a man who was not her close relative. Breastfeeding, he argued, would create a familial relationship under Islamic law.

Dr Atiyaa explained to the Egyptian newspaper al-Watani al-Yawm that: "A man and a woman who are alone together are not (necessarily) having sex but this possibility exists and breastfeeding provides a solution to this problem (by) transforming the bestial relationship between two people into a religious relationship based on (religious) duties."

In Islamic tradition, breastfeeding at infancy establishes a degree of familial relationship between nurse and child even if there is no biological relationship.

Dr Atiyaa argued in his fatwa that if an adult male was nursed by a female co-worker it would likewise establish a familial bond that would permit them to work side by side without raising suspicion of illicit sex.

Crazed Rabbit

05-31-2007, 02:08

Well, that's certainly interesting news Lemur.

It seems it has already been retracted though.

CR

ShadesPanther

05-31-2007, 04:00

Yeah, he milked the publicity for all it was worth though.

Gregoshi

05-31-2007, 04:31

The teatchings of Islam, like most religions, is a little vague in spots.

English assassin

05-31-2007, 10:25

A man and a woman who are alone together are not (necessarily) having sex

Bloody wishy washy liberal.

InsaneApache

05-31-2007, 14:25

Firefighters in Greater Manchester are facing disciplinary action over claims they slept on a station floor instead of their new reclining chairs.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/6707509.stm

but this is the clincher...

The service bought more than 300 of the chairs last year after chiefs decided to remove beds from dormitories across the region.

But firefighters were not allowed to sit or lie on the devices before reading a four-page health and safety manual.

:laugh4:

The country's gone potty. :wall:

Marshal Murat

05-31-2007, 14:29

In the event of the chair collapsing on itself, dial 911 and ask for the fire department.

Banquo's Ghost

05-31-2007, 15:00

The service bought more than 300 of the chairs last year after chiefs decided to remove beds from dormitories across the region.

But firefighters were not allowed to sit or lie on the devices before reading a four-page health and safety manual.

If I was a firefighter, no way would I take that lying down.

InsaneApache

05-31-2007, 15:30

I'm reclined to agree.

Gregoshi

05-31-2007, 16:38

Well, the chief reason for not using the chairs would be that, being firefighters, hose going to want to get into a hotseat? :fireman:

Hosakawa Tito

05-31-2007, 18:26

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/6707509.stm

but this is the clincher...

:laugh4:

The country's gone potty. :wall:

Recliner chair injury, something many of us weekend warriors can relate to...being able to claim it on workman's compensation as a work related injury...priceless.

Hosakawa Tito

05-31-2007, 18:36

Something in the air. (http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070531/wl_nm/italy_drugs_dc)

The concentration of drugs was heaviest in the air around Rome's Sapienza university, though the National Research Council's Dr. Angelo Cecinato warned against drawing conclusions about students' recreational habits.:laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4: Recreational??? No, no, it's scientific research... yeah, that's it, scientific research...stop bogarting that bong and cut me another line

Hosakawa Tito

05-31-2007, 18:47

Chili sauce to die for... (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/odd_sauce_shooting) or go to jail for. Must be good.

Banquo's Ghost

05-31-2007, 18:54

Chili sauce to die for... (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/odd_sauce_shooting) or go to jail for. Must be good.

And here I thought only journalists protected their sauces.

Gregoshi

05-31-2007, 19:33

And here I thought only journalists protected their sauces.
That was delightfully awful. :2thumbsup: :laugh4:

English assassin

06-01-2007, 09:45

I've been thinking (always leads to trouble, that), and I'e realised we have been missing a trick. This thread is news of the weird, but where does it say that the weird has to be in the news?

:idea2:

Accordingly, just because I can, I give you, the British Lawnmower museum: http://www.lawnmowerworld.co.uk/

THRILL to lawnmower racing (did you know Striling Moss won the British Grand Prix for lawnmowers in 1975 and 1976? Nor did I) GASP at Hilda Ogden's lawnmower, and other Lawnmowers of the Rich and Famous. LUST after the lovely Nora.

This is the stuff that makes Britain great.

InsaneApache

06-01-2007, 09:59

Ok that's weird, why on earth would Hilda Ogden (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hilda_Ogden) own a lawnmower? She's only got a paved yard and a ginnel at the back.

I've just had a thought! You don't suppose it was Stanley who drowned in his bucket a page or so back? :laugh4:

Gregoshi

06-01-2007, 14:52

Sorry, but it has to be said: I checked the link, and aside from Nora the tour guide (http://www.lawnmowerworld.co.uk/products.htm), that lawnmower museum is about as exciting as watching grass grow.

Banquo's Ghost

06-01-2007, 15:15

You know, that museum has something sad, almost for-lawn about it.

Pannonian

06-01-2007, 15:29

I wonder how many of these lawnmowers were hand-meadowns?

English assassin

06-01-2007, 15:30

Sorry, but it has to be said: I checked the link, and aside from Nora the tour guide (http://www.lawnmowerworld.co.uk/products.htm), that lawnmower museum is about as exciting as watching grass grow.

Oooh, cutting.

Gregoshi

06-01-2007, 15:31

I know what you mean. Nudge nudge, ~;) ~;) Say no mow.

Cue the music (sing to the tune I Fought the Law):

Mowin' grass in the hot sun
I fought the lawn and the lawn won
I fought the lawn and the lawn won
I needed some gas, 'cause I had none
I fought the lawn and the lawn won
I fought the lawn and the lawn won

Lemur

06-01-2007, 15:31

Must be nice to have all of those mowers -- at root, I guess I'm green with envy. But it's growing on me.

Banquo's Ghost

06-01-2007, 15:38

If you're going to use song lyrics, Greg, you'll be moving on to entirely new turf. And the grass is not always greener...

Pannonian

06-01-2007, 15:48

If you're going to use song lyrics, Greg, you'll be moving on to entirely new turf. And the grass is not always greener...
Gah, mowning as usual.

Gregoshi

06-01-2007, 16:48

If you're going to use song lyrics, Greg, you'll be moving on to entirely new turf. And the grass is not always greener...
But its just a short clip from the song (...which I can't seem to get out of my head now).

lars573

06-01-2007, 22:13

Deer breaks into New Brunswick legislature. (http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/index.php?rn=222561&cl=2891678&ch=1329521) Runs around a bit, sheds some fur, and breaks out a window. Hasn't been seen since.

Gregoshi

06-01-2007, 23:12

Talk about bucking the system.

The deer is still unidentified, so authorities are refering to it as John or Jane Doe. One official quipped, "I call it 'John Deer' because I've not seen anything run that before."

ShadesPanther

06-01-2007, 23:15

Gregoshi

06-02-2007, 07:24

Detractors of John Deer would love to mow him down.

Duke of Gloucester

06-02-2007, 09:13

... with his own lawn mower.

linky thing (http://www.deere.com/en_GB/homepages/cce_home/index.html)

Lemur

06-04-2007, 03:28

English assassin

06-04-2007, 11:20

Well this is a gift to weirdfans everywhere:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4174519.stm

The US military investigated building a "gay bomb", which would make enemy soldiers "sexually irresistible" to each other, government papers say.
Other weapons that never saw the light of day include one to make soldiers obvious by their bad breath

In a variation on that idea, researchers pondered a "Who? Me?" bomb, which would simulate flatulence in enemy ranks.

Now, I have never served in the forces, and I freely admit that aspects of the military mind are a mystery to me. But, if I was crouched in a foxhole, the fact that my enemy had just been turned into a gang of farting rampant homosexuals with bad breath wouldn't strike me as completely good news.

Zaknafien

06-04-2007, 12:08

"It's important to point out that only those proposals which are deemed appropriate, based on stringent human effects, legal, and international treaty reviews are considered for development or acquisition."

Hehe, like bombs that suck the air out of rooms and replace it with fire. Totally appropriate. :)

Duke of Gloucester

06-04-2007, 18:02

I took to heart the comment that the weirdness need not be, say, current news. Given that newer, more expansive definition, I present to you, the Weirdos:

Exploding animals. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Exploding_animals)

But it does not mention this, which is really weird.

Pigeon bombs (http://www.cs.utah.edu/~regehr/research/pelican.html)

InsaneApache

06-04-2007, 18:29

I, for one, welcome our new pot smoking, rock dove overlords.

drone

06-04-2007, 20:45

Time to take this thread back to it's roots. :yes:

‘Jackass’ star sued over manhood in mousetrap (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19016857/)
LOS ANGELES - An actor is suing “Jackass” star Johnny Knoxville, TV talk show host Jimmy Kimmel and radio personality Adam Carolla, claiming he was never paid $10 million for doing a below-the-belt stunt that left him severely injured.

Perry Caravello claims Kimmel never paid him for his work in the 2003 TV movie “Windy City Heat.” According to the suit, Knoxville also promised to pay him to promote the DVD release of the film on Carolla’s show last fall if he agreed to place his genitals in a mousetrap.

“Plaintiff agreed to do so, and, much to his emotional tranquility and to his physical harm, was severely injured when the trap literally went on his manhood,” the suit contended.

Caravello also was humiliated when clips of the incident, which he says were filmed without his permission, made it to the Internet, his suit claims.

The suit, filed Thursday in Los Angeles Superior Court against Knoxville and others, alleges fraud, negligence and unjust enrichment.

The suit claims that Caravello signed a contract with Dakota North Entertainment Inc., a company that Kimmel heads. But Kimmel, Knoxville and others never paid Caravello or gave him an accounting of profits and royalties from DVD sales of “Windy City Heat,” the suit claims.

It seeks a total of $10.5 million in damages.

Calls to representatives for Knoxville, Kimmel and Carolla were not returned Saturday.

Lord Winter

06-05-2007, 05:44

I took to heart the comment that the weirdness need not be, say, current news. Given that newer, more expansive definition, I present to you, the Weirdos:

Exploding animals. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Exploding_animals)

I'm sure the animals had to be cow'ed into this. This is a travesty that every activist should lead every activist to write a letter and bark at those bird brained officals. :laugh4:

ShadesPanther

06-05-2007, 21:14

Lemur

06-06-2007, 07:46

What idiot writer said that American lives have no second acts? Was it Fitzgerald? How wrong could he be? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mike Tyson, Bollywood sensation. (http://www.ibnlive.com/news/mike-tyson-turns-item-boy-for-bwood/41758-8.html)

TB666

06-06-2007, 08:50

Well let's hope Tyson does a knockout on the crowd.

Gregoshi

06-06-2007, 14:17

"Iron" Mike Tyson should star in a remake of Ferrous Bueller's Day Off. :inquisitive:

Dang it TB666, your sig got me again! I get embarrassed and look up everytime. :laugh4:

Lemur

06-06-2007, 22:37

Getting to the root of the matter: (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,21858514-1702,00.html)

Man sues over permanent erection

A NEW York man has sued the makers of a health drink, saying it has given him a permanent erection for the last two years.

Christopher Woods said he drank the vitamin-enriched Boost Plus, made by the Swiss-based Novartis pharmaceutical company, on June 5, 2004.

He woke up the next morning "with an erection that would not subside" and sought treatment of the condition, called severe priapism, court papers say.

Mr Woods, 29, had a penile implant to move blood from one area to another, acccording to the Associated Press.

The lawsuit filed yesterday said Mr Woods later had problems that required him to have blood vessels in his penis closed off, a procedure that lessens the likelihood of an erection.

Novartis's Boost Plus website described the drink as "a great-tasting, high calorie, nutritionally complete oral supplement for people who require extra energy and protein in a limited volume", in vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.

Mr Woods' lawsuit, which seeks unspecified damages, names Novartis Consumer Health Inc as a defendant.

A spokeswoman for Novartis said the company was aware of the lawsuit but would not comment.

TB666

06-06-2007, 22:45

Woods is just being a stiff hardcase.

Uesugi Kenshin

06-07-2007, 09:51

Getting to the root of the matter: (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,21858514-1702,00.html)

Man sues over permanent erection

This is actually more serious than it sounds, imagine the effect that so much blood being channeled away from his brain would have on his work.

InsaneApache

06-07-2007, 13:48

Canucks and the missing gravity (http://science.howstuffworks.com/missing-gravity.htm)

For more than 40 years, scientists have tried to figure out what's causing large parts of Canada, particularly the Hudson Bay region, to be "missing" gravity. In other words, gravity in the Hudson Bay area and surrounding regions is lower than it is in other parts of the world, a phenomenon first identified in the 1960s when the Earth's global gravity fields were being charted.

OK guys, own up. Which of you lot in north North America has pinched the gravity? :inquisitive:

Gregoshi

06-07-2007, 14:00

Canada needs more Catholics, that's all. Larger Mass = more gravity. ~:D

Zaknafien

06-07-2007, 14:34

hm, this could be an example of 'weak gravity' which is as I understand it a relatively new aspect of physics. think about how big the earth is, yet how easy it is for you to pick something up off the ground or throw a ball. some physicists now believe that a large part of gravity, perhaps most of it, exists in dark matter in other universes parallel to our own and we only receive an echo effect.

Don Corleone

06-07-2007, 14:41

I want to know how long it's going to be before bright light :smartass2: gets the bright idea of opening a baseball franchise, that can benefit from a home stadium in this low gravity, somewhere up around the Hudson Bay.

Lemur

06-07-2007, 14:58

Canada needs more Catholics, that's all. Larger Mass = more gravity. ~:D
Ow. Ow ow ow. Ow. I don't know why, but that one really hurt. In a good way.

InsaneApache

06-07-2007, 15:21

I was goung to float several puns but at the last minute I came down to Earth.

Marshal Murat

06-07-2007, 15:21

The U.S. Army Bear (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6729745.stm)

I couldn't bear to have that carry me.

Gregoshi

06-07-2007, 15:32

I was goung to float several puns but at the last minute I came down to Earth.
Light weight puns, no doubt. You've got to be really dense to come up with heavy, thought-provoking puns. Being attractive helps too. ~D

Louis VI the Fat

06-07-2007, 17:51

Yawning Angel

06-08-2007, 10:58

Don't know quite how to describe it, but this must have been one hell of a ride (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/6732003.stm)

Will leave the punning or whatever to those more experienced in this thread :yes:

InsaneApache

06-08-2007, 11:14

I've just read that and was going to post it!

What cool head that guy had, he was only bothered about spilling his pop. Not to mention 50 MPH. :sweatdrop:

A whole new meaning to 'doing a wheelie'. :laugh4:

Banquo's Ghost

06-08-2007, 12:47

IWhat cool head that guy had, he was only bothered about spilling his pop. Not to mention 50 MPH. :sweatdrop:

Yes, he was radiating calm. Mind you, if he hadn't been wearing a seatbelt, it would have been an entyrely different story.

Marshal Murat

06-08-2007, 16:13

Breaking and Entering, then breaking again (http://www.newsvine.com/_news/2007/06/07/762475-cops-raid-wrong-place-kick-man-in-groin)

Don Corleone

06-08-2007, 16:19

Actually, there's nothing all that funny about yours MM. The police didn't even apologize, they said it was regrettable. Not the same thing. It's regrettable that it rained today, but I'm not admitting fault that for the intemperate weather with that statement.

What's more, God forbid the poor guy tried to resist or defend himself. The police could have shot him.

InsaneApache

06-08-2007, 16:20

When officers and the city's tactical squad went to the right unit, they said it was empty

I'll bet it was. What with the flash grenades and kicking some poor guy in the goolies as he was sitting down for dinner, I'm sure the miscreants fled before a similar fate awaited them. :laugh4:

Zaknafien

06-08-2007, 18:14

Photos show mystery skeleton sticking out of iceberg off N.L. east coast

http://a123.g.akamai.net/f/123/12465/1d/media.canada.com/cp/national/20070604/n060476a.jpg

http://www.canada.com/topics/news/national/story.html?id=f41cf10e-a9bc-497a-81c0-65860314cb2c&k=78707&p=1

Tara Brautigam, Canadian Press
Published: Tuesday, June 05, 2007

ST. JOHN'S, N.L. (CP) - Marine scientists in Canada and abroad are puzzled by bizarre photographs that appear to show the skeleton of a large mammal jutting out of an iceberg that recently drifted past Newfoundland's east coast.

The six pictures show what looks like a brown rib cage and spinal column, slightly bent, sticking out of a crust of ice.

But researchers throughout Canada, Greenland and Norway are unable to determine the origin of the skeleton, said Garry Stenson, a marine mammal scientist with the federal Fisheries Department.

"It's definitely unusual," Stenson said Monday. "It's not something that I've encountered before."

His colleagues have been debating whether the carcass belongs to a bearded seal, a walrus or a beluga whale. But without the actual specimen in his hands, Stenson said he can't resolve the mystery.

"It would be really nice to get a copy, a sample, a hold of it, but at this point we're not quite sure what it is," he said.

The photos were taken near Newtown, in Bonavista Bay, by Eli and Donna Norris on the weekend of May 26, said Ruth Knee, a friend who forwarded them to the Fisheries Department in hopes of identifying the bones.

The Norris family couldn't be reached for comment Monday.

Knee said the retired couple didn't want to be interviewed, but said she could vouch for the authenticity of the photos.

"Not everybody wants their 15 minutes of fame," Knee said.

Stenson said he is fairly certain the pictures aren't a hoax.

"If it was Photoshopped, it's a damn good job," he said. "The way that it's laying there, with what looks to be part of it underwater, looks authentic."

Stenson said he was told the backbone was roughly 2.4 metres out of the ice, leading him to believe the spine belonged to a large mammalian creature.

But he is uncertain whether the animal would have fallen into a crevasse in an iceberg and then got stuck, or if it simply died on an ice floe and later became embedded by other pans of ice.

"It could be a walrus, for example, that died and is laying on its back and the pressure of the snow and the ice has flattened those ribs," he said.

The bones don't appear very weathered, and it looks like there may be tissue still attached to them. Stenson wouldn't speculate on how old they are because the ice may have preserved them for years.

The iceberg's location, or if it was still intact, weren't known Monday.

"Sometimes a lot of my mysteries never get solved," Stenson said with a sigh.

The province's coastline has been the setting of a number of strange discoveries in the past.

In July 2001, residents of St. Bernard's, in Fortune Bay, were awed by a seven-metre carcass that washed ashore. Because of its decomposed state, researchers were initially unable to determine what it was, prompting locals to nickname it "the sea monster."

Marshal Murat

06-08-2007, 18:28

Sounds like the scientist have a bone to pick.

InsaneApache

06-10-2007, 02:06

Ha!.... proof at last that we are the masters of the universe!

Britain's Duke of Edinburgh may be planning a quiet birthday celebration at home this weekend, but there will be feasting and flag-waving in an isolated jungle village in the South Pacific nation of Vanuatu, where he is worshipped as a god.

Hey Phil...get me that gyros...extra chilli paraculo! (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/6734469.stm)

Beat that Dubya. :laugh4:

Gregoshi

06-10-2007, 04:07

The Duke is worshipped as a god.
Dubya is a god*.
Game, set, match. :laugh4:

* Everytime he opens his mouth, somebody says "Oh god..."

Lemur

06-11-2007, 00:13

Pentagon confirms it planned to build "gay bomb." (http://cbs5.com/topstories/local_story_159222541.html)

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/villagepeople.jpg

The documents show the Air Force lab asked for $7.5 million to develop such a chemical weapon.

"The Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soliders to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistably attractive to one another," Hammond said after reviwing the documents.

"The notion was that a chemical that would probably be pleasant in the human body in low quantities could be identified, and by virtue of either breathing or having their skin exposed to this chemical, the notion was that soliders would become gay," explained Hammond.

FactionHeir

06-11-2007, 00:31

Are you sure they didn't just post a belated April fool's story :laugh:

Gregoshi

06-11-2007, 05:49

The first gay bomb was dropped in WW2 by the Enola Gay, wasn't it?

Now suppose a militant group of gays got hold of the gay bomb and dropped it on Washington DC and the state capitals? All legislation would go straight to gay biased. One has to wonder, with the threat of gay terrorism, would the population and our government be tough enough to take it like a man? :embarassed:

InsaneApache

06-11-2007, 11:14

Oh, I could scratch your eyes out....you......you bitch!~:flirt:

Fragony

06-11-2007, 11:19

Couldn't make this one up, the dutch anti smoking lobby has options in..........................guess what.

Yes, phillip morris :laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4:

LOL! Even better, Novib (anti poverty mafia) is into clusterbombs ^^

Banquo's Ghost

06-11-2007, 11:39

The Thai police have really screwed the pooch on this one (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/06/11/sniffer_dogs_sacked/).

Gregoshi

06-11-2007, 14:24

Couldn't make this one up, the dutch anti smoking lobby has options in..........................guess what.

Yes, phillip morris :laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4:

Are they called the Dutch Masters? ~D

Gregoshi

06-11-2007, 14:29

The Thai police have really screwed the pooch on this one (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/06/11/sniffer_dogs_sacked/).

:laugh4: Excellent link title! :laugh4:

The Thai police are running a Mok. It is really bad when, as police officers, you know urine trouble with the law. :drummer: Rimshot.

InsaneApache

06-11-2007, 14:40

Nice to see that the police dog was on the case. :embarassed:

Gregoshi

06-11-2007, 14:54

Dogged leg work is essential to a good police force.

How did this story get leaked to the press?

InsaneApache

06-11-2007, 15:00

Maybe they needed a leg up? :embarassed:

Gregoshi

06-11-2007, 16:00

Maybe they needed a leg up? :embarassed:
Indeed. The press hounds always want to know the poop. If there is a leak anywhere, they'll sniff it out.

Banquo's Ghost

06-12-2007, 12:49

I'd accuse Greg of moonlighting for the Times-Republican on this story but the puns, whilst valiant, are not up to his standard.

Iowan woman, name of Butts (http://www.timesrepublican.com/news/articles.asp?articleID=10222), facing two years' imprisonment for stealing loo rolls.

Charmin'.

Toilet paper bandit could face three years in prison

By KEN BLACK

It’s not quite 25 to life, but stealing toilet paper from the Marshall County Courthouse could prove costly for one Marshall County resident.

A woman was discovered taking toilet paper from the courthouse Monday, according to police reports, something she has apparently been adept at doing for a quite a while.

No one could remember exactly when, but toilet paper started disappearing at “unusually high rates,” even for county employees, said a source close to the problem. In other words, something didn’t smell quite right.

It had long ago been suspected that the problem was more than just overactive bowels, but no one could quite prove it. That is, until the culprit was caught red-handed by authorities.

“A courthouse employee saw her walk from a storeroom carrying a bag of toilet paper,” said Marshalltown Police Chief Lon Walker.

The woman allegedly involved in the situation, Suzanne Marie Butts, has been referred to as the toilet paper bandit by some county employees.

Though she apparently has a concern for hygiene, she may find herself in a messy situation.

Because of prior convictions, Butts faces up to two years in prison — for three rolls of toilet paper. Despite what some may consider a harsh penalty, Supervisor Gordie Johnson was not sympathetic.

“We have three strikes and you’re out and I consider each roll of toilet paper a strike,” he said, tongue in cheek.

Butts has prior theft convictions, as well as several other theft charges which are pending.

Fragony

06-12-2007, 12:54

Are they called the Dutch Masters? ~D

Surprised you didn't go for 'daisy cutters' with that peace-movement I mentioned. hehe, hypocrites.

InsaneApache

06-12-2007, 13:23

English assassin

06-12-2007, 14:04

Its official: Modern art is NOT merde

http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/visual_arts/article1917969.ece

When the Italian artist Piero Manzoni put his excrement into tin cans in the early 1960s and offered it as art, he said that he was exposing “the gullibility of the art-buying public”.

Collectors and galleries that paid high prices for the tins — including the Tate — appeared even more gullible yesterday when it emerged that they contained not faeces, but plaster

Agostino Bonalumi, who worked closely with Manzoni, recalled yesterday that he, Manzoni and a third young artist, Enrico Castellani, had rebelled against traditional art forms but had found no takers in Milan for their ideas.

“Piero said, ‘All these Milanese bourgeois bastards want is c***,’ ”

Gregoshi

06-12-2007, 15:15

I'd accuse Greg of moonlighting for the Times-Republican...

I only wish I could make some money with my puns.

As to the story, if toilet paper was not meant to be ripped off, then why is it perforated? Aside from that, isn't toilet paper made for Butts? She had every right to take it. If Marshall County was really concerned about the missing toilet paper, they would have taken roll call every day (bidet?).

Pull the chain, I'm done. :toilet:

Banquo's Ghost

06-12-2007, 15:42

I only wish I could make some money with my puns.

:yes:

Then you'd be flush....

Gregoshi

06-12-2007, 16:54

Yeah, but then I'd have to have my money laundered.

Lemur

06-12-2007, 19:22

Porn mag editor fired for insufficient smut. (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/06/12/industrial_tribunal/) Now that's being let go with cause, if ever I heard it.

The former editor of Men Only has won an industrial tribunal for unfair dismissal after being shown the door for refusing requests to use younger models and "bigger and more graphic photos", The Evening Standard reports.

Gregoshi

06-12-2007, 21:12

"bigger and more graphic photos"

You just need to adjust the setting on your digital camera to "Large" (JPG) or RAW...but that won't make the pictures any smuttier. You need to set the camera to a slower smutter speed or open your aperature wider - apparently having your subject underexposed gets you fired from Men Only magazine (why does that sound like a magazine with no women in it?). Get the picture?

Hosakawa Tito

06-13-2007, 01:12

No more Icy Hot (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070612/ap_on_he_me/muscle_cream_death) baths for me.

ShadesPanther

06-13-2007, 01:13

Apparently Russians can be Ninjas too.... in Italy (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/6746051.stm)

Gregoshi

06-13-2007, 01:57

When asked about his chosen disguise, he told police he had been inspired by his boyhood idol - Robin Hood.

Ah, Ninja's in Tights (tight Tights!) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9DpC6x75s8)

Pannonian

06-13-2007, 15:02

Not exactly news, but England triumphs against Norman Conquest (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norman_Conquest_(footballer)).

He is best known for being the Australian goalkeeper in a 1951 match between Australia and an English FA representative side at the Sydney Showground which Australia lost 17-0.

drone

06-13-2007, 16:22

Here's a man with his priorities in order:

Man shot after refusing to surrender beer (http://www.tucsoncitizen.com/daily/local/54211.php)
Man shot after refusing to surrender beer
The Arizona Republic
A man was shot early Sunday when he refused to give an attacker his 12-pack of beer.
Phoenix police reported the man suffered four gunshot wounds to the stomach, leg and groin. His injuries were described as serious, but not life-threatening.
The victim was returning home from purchasing the beer about 5 a.m near Seventh Street and Broadway Road when an unidentified man approached him and demanded the alcohol, police said.
When the victim refused, the shooter opened fire with a .45 caliber handgun, police said.
The victim was transported to a local hospital. He is expected to recover, police said.

Ser Clegane

06-13-2007, 16:31

Squirrel Assaults Three Before Being Killed By A Pensioner (http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/0,1518,488343,00.html)

An aggressive squirrel went on the rampage in southern Germany on Tuesday, injuring three people. But a 72-year-old pensioner finally put a stop to the mayhem, killing the creature stone dead with his crutch. Now the dead animal is being examined for rabies.

Most squirrels are harmless little creatures. But one aggressive squirrel went on the rampage on Tuesday injuring three.
Most squirrels are cute and harmless little scamps who are happy to jump around gathering nuts -- but on Tuesday one of the furry creatures launched a vicious and unprovoked attack, injuring three innocent members of the public.

The incident occured in Passau, a town in the state of Bavaria, Germany. Police report that the rampaging rodent jumped through an open patio door and bit an eldery lady on the hand. The squirrel clung on with such tenacity that the 70-year-old victim panicked and ran out into the street. It was only then that she managed to shake off the creature.

The animal then found its next victim: a 33-year-old construction worker, who received scratches to his hand and arm. But the man managed to defend himself and wasn't bitten.

According to a police spokesman, the furious squirrel then fled to an adjoining garden and attacked a 72-year-old man. But he had met his match in this particular pensioner, who killed the animal with his crutch.

The dead animal has been taken to a lab to be tested for rabies.

It was not the first incident of squirrel invasions in Germany. Just last year a family of raucous squirrels stormed (more...) an elderly couple's home in Germany, triggering an elaborate 90-minute fire brigade operation. But, although the squirrels didn't go without a fight, no one was injured in that incident.

InsaneApache

06-13-2007, 16:36

Death by crutch? :inquisitive: That's well weird. Now why does an image of Paris hilton keep popping into my head? :laugh4:

InsaneApache

06-13-2007, 17:10

It ranks as one of the oddest police chases ever recorded.

When two bobbies on the beat received a distress call from a colleague on the other side of town, they did not have a squad car at their disposal to race to the scene - so they commandeered two rickshaws instead.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/crime/article1926677.ece

Avicenna

06-13-2007, 20:28

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6748785.stm

Barley got anything to drink? Have a few pints!

Husar

06-13-2007, 23:42

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/crime/article1926677.ece

As the ride hotted up, the pair rang their bells to clear the road of traffic - while one of the officers, PC Sue Beament, made siren noises.

Good tactic in a chase.:sweatdrop:

For clarification: Siren

Lemur

06-14-2007, 15:31

Urban camping. (http://www.autoblog.com/2007/06/13/check-the-meter-the-newest-take-on-urban-camping/)

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/urbancamping.jpg

English assassin

06-14-2007, 16:37

Park that in central london and it would be worth about £250,000

drone

06-14-2007, 17:37

English assassin

06-14-2007, 19:41

A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That's yours."

That is just so English it makes me want to go and slap a frenchman* :laugh4:

* not really

Blodrast

06-14-2007, 21:37

Avicenna

06-14-2007, 21:46

Not exactly 'weird' as such, though...

Blodrast

06-14-2007, 21:51

Not exactly 'weird' as such, though...

If a chick ripping one dude's ball out, trying to swallow it, and a friend giving it back to the poor guy, is not weird, then I know I don't wanna live in your neighbourhood!:skull:

Banquo's Ghost

06-14-2007, 22:05

Scientist too weird for DARPA (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/06/14/time_travel_mad_scientist/).

US prof plans to send message back in time

Unaccountably fails to get DARPA funding
By Lewis Page
Published Thursday 14th June 2031 16:41 GMT

A West Coast scientist who believes it may be possible to transmit information backwards through time has been funded by individual donations after established mad-scientist groups refused to cough up.

John Cramer, a physicist at the University of Washington, reckons that "quantum retrocausality" could "involve signalling, or communication, in reverse time."

The El Reg science desk passed this one over to us at the engineering-degree-a-long-time-ago desk, and all we really know about quantum is that it's pretty wild stuff.
We do know about DARPA, though, the US military's famously wacky research bureau. DARPA has happily funded all kinds of crazy stunts, including Terminator cyborg moths, mind-reading electrode hats, terror casinos - you name it. "Mad scientists are good scientists" is almost the DARPA motto.

But DARPA wouldn't fund Cramer. It said his planned experiment was "too weird". Coming from them, this does seem unfair. All Cramer wants to start with is a few lasers, prisms, splitters, fibre-optics, and suchlike doodads. He's not asking for a beautiful girl strapped to a table, living brains in bubbling jars, lightning, dead bodies, enormous monkeys, fossilized dinosaur DNA, or anything seriously outre.

"I'm not crazy," he told the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. "I don't know if this experiment will work, but I can't see why it won't. People are skeptical about this, but I think we can learn something, even if it fails."

Others think so too. A diverse collection of private donors has apparently chipped in $35,000+ to get Cramer's experiments underway. They include a Vegas music-biz exec, a biotech scientist, and Richard Miller, an artist and photographer based in Washington state.

"I would say the predicted failure of this project is probably a good omen," Miller told the Post-Intelligencer. "Most predictions are wrong."

"Artists have experienced non-local space all along, we just can't prove it," he added mysteriously.

Cramer plans to attempt some basic instantaneous faster-than-light communication next month with his donation-funded rig. If that's successful, he reckons that mainstream funding will arrive and he can have a crack at sending information back though time.

It does seem a trifle odd, if the theory is sound, that Cramer hasn't already received advance notification of his success. Perhaps he has, and is keeping it secret. If one dons one's tinfoil hat, this line of thinking might easily lead to an explanation for DARPA's otherwise unaccountable lack of interest, too.

Lemur

06-15-2007, 03:45

Unfortunate wording:

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/4tknxqr.jpg

CountArach

06-15-2007, 03:49

Lmao!

Whacker

06-15-2007, 05:06

Unfortunate wording:

Unfortunate Sign

That could be interpreted wrongly in a number of ways. :embarassed:

ShadesPanther

06-15-2007, 13:04

Russians seem to keep confusing Aftershave for Aftershock (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6752515.stm)

Lead researcher Professor David Leon said: "We're talking about things like eau de cologne and aftershave which are widely available at kiosks and cheaper because they are not subject to excise duty.

Lemur

06-16-2007, 19:03

Keeping with the drinking theme, Applebee's serves a toddler a margarita in a sippy cup (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070615/ap_on_fe_st/odd_accidental_margarita_2). How enlightened!

Kim Mayorga was confused when her 2-year-old started making funny faces and pushing away the apple juice he had ordered at Applebee's. The explanation came when she opened the lid of the sippy cup and was hit by the smell of tequila and Triple Sec.

How did this happen?

The apple juice and margarita mix were stored in identical plastic bottles, and the manager mistakenly grabbed the margarita container to pour the boy's drink, said Randy Tei, vice president for Apple Bay East Inc.

Bijo

06-16-2007, 19:42

I am in no way a violent person
Naturally.

Crazed Rabbit

06-16-2007, 20:49

Woman jailed for testicle attack (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/merseyside/4253849.stm)
A woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands has been sent to prison.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.

She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That's yours."
Ex-girlfriends = Danger :fainting:

Hmmm...

In a letter to the court, Monti said she was sorry for what she had done.

She said: "It was never my intention to cause harm to Geoff and the fact that I have caused him injury will live with me forever. I am in no way a violent person."

Never her intention to cause harm? Then what was she trying to do?

Crazed Rabbit

Bijo

06-16-2007, 21:52

Maybe she found herself in a rage wherein she could not properly reason and was not... "aware of her actions" or something similar. I bet some skilled lawyer would be able to keep her from receiving punishment.

EDIT: I recall it was named something in the direction of "dissociation".

Kralizec

06-16-2007, 22:07

Squirrel Assaults Three Before Being Killed By A Pensioner (http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/0,1518,488343,00.html)

That reminded me about this (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4489792.stm).

How many times does something like this have to happen before the human world realizes it's in great danger? :no:

Big King Sanctaphrax

06-17-2007, 11:37

French wine-growers issue terrorist threats. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/6759953.stm)

What a bunch of wine-ers.

InsaneApache

06-17-2007, 11:56

I read that with a blanc expression, now I'm turning rouge about my puns. :embarassed: :laugh4:

Banquo's Ghost

06-17-2007, 12:12

French wine-growers issue terrorist threats. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/6759953.stm)

What a bunch of wine-ers.

Just sour grapes, I think.

Kralizec

06-17-2007, 16:36

French wine-growers issue terrorist threats. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/6759953.stm)

What a bunch of wine-ers.

:inquisitive:

Sarkozy should deploy peacekeeping troops to these regions and burn the cash crops of these terrorists. No mercy! :whip:

Gregoshi

06-17-2007, 17:02

French wine-growers issue terrorist threats. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/6759953.stm)

What a bunch of wine-ers.
To the (Ernest & Julio) Gallo with them! :hanged:

Big King Sanctaphrax

06-17-2007, 18:03

I'm going to feel a bit silly for posting this in the News of the Weird if Paris gets destroyed by a dirty bomb planted by the winemakers.

InsaneApache

06-17-2007, 18:41

I agree. Not a rose scenario. :oops:

Gregoshi

06-17-2007, 18:51

I'm going to feel a bit silly for posting this in the News of the Weird if Paris gets destroyed by a dirty bomb planted by the winemakers.

You shouldn't if they only blow up the Paris Hilton. ~D

InsaneApache

06-17-2007, 18:54

Death by crutch? :inquisitive: That's well weird. Now why does an image of Paris Hilton keep popping into my head? :laugh4:

Flippin' heck, you've gorne an' torn it now guvnor....

Evil_Maniac From Mars

06-17-2007, 19:26

You shouldn't if they only blow up the Paris Hilton. ~D

I don't even want to know if they'll put "the bomb" in the back entrance.

I love SNL. :laugh4:

ShadesPanther

06-18-2007, 17:46

Man caught eating spaghetti while driving lorry (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/6764859.stm)

He was obviously out of the loop when it came to the law about that.

FactionHeir

06-18-2007, 20:12

Women allowed to go topless in public. (http://www.cnn.com/2007/LAW/06/18/topless.settlement.ap/index.html)

Banquo's Ghost

06-18-2007, 20:17

Her attorney, Jeffrey Rothman, told the Daily News that his client won the civil rights settlement from the city, which did not admit or deny wrongdoing.

They didn't accept the legal boob?

InsaneApache

06-19-2007, 00:22

It's a good job it's my bedtime. :sweatdrop:

Whacker

06-19-2007, 00:29

Women allowed to go topless in public. (http://www.cnn.com/2007/LAW/06/18/topless.settlement.ap/index.html)

That made me happy to the fullest extent when I read that.

Gregoshi

06-19-2007, 04:51

Women allowed to go topless in public. (http://www.cnn.com/2007/LAW/06/18/topless.settlement.ap/index.html)
The ramifications of this decision will be felt by the city government from the top down. Justice wasn't blind in this case, it was peeking, me thinks.

CountArach

06-19-2007, 06:20

lmao Gregoshi, never short of pun.

Avicenna

06-19-2007, 09:41

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/4748292.stm

Man maaries goat

InsaneApache

06-19-2007, 09:58

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/4748292.stm

Man maaries goat

Don't anyone tell Avicenna that it ends in tears. :laugh4:

Avicenna

06-19-2007, 12:23

Have we a prophet here? Anyway

Ssssmugglers resort to garden gnomes (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/6766631.stm)

Banquo's Ghost

06-19-2007, 12:26

Have we a prophet here?

No gift of prophecy required. This story was done to death some while ago when the bride passed away. Don't let IA get your goat on this, he's only kid-ding.

InsaneApache

06-19-2007, 13:16

hehe.

Anyroad, another one.

Knickers and bra destroy road.

A bra and a pair of knickers have been blamed for a flood and road collapse in County Durham.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/6766657.stm

Roll on the puns. :laugh4:

Gregoshi

06-19-2007, 14:18

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/4748292.stm

Man maaries goat
He's a Tombe Raider. I wonder if the goat's name is Laura?

Regarding bras and sewage, Northumbrian Water should track down who flushed those items and sue her for damages*. :inquisitive:

* where's the pun? Since it is obscure, here's the reveal for those who don't get it:

Are you sure? Most people regret asking once I explain. This is your last chance to avoid a groan.

"sue her" = sewer ~D

Curiosity killed the cat, you know.:laugh4:

Banquo's Ghost

06-19-2007, 14:41

Regarding bras and sewage, Northumbrian Water should track down who flushed those items and sue her for damages*.

Brilliant. :2thumbsup:

At first, I didn't think it was a pun, but of corset was. I laughed like a drain.

InsaneApache

06-19-2007, 14:43

haha.... Greg I laughed like a drain. :2thumbsup:

Avicenna

06-19-2007, 15:21

http://tribalfootball.com/article.php?id=44386

Melon FC

Gregoshi

06-19-2007, 15:31

http://tribalfootball.com/article.php?id=44386

Melon FC

Would that make Adam Sandler a Water Melon?

(I know it is a different "football", but go with me on this one)

Gregoshi

06-19-2007, 15:35

At first, I didn't think it was a pun...

I know, that is why I backed it up with an explanation. :inquisitive:

(yes, there's another pun in there)

Avicenna

06-19-2007, 19:50

Thou shalt not drive and drink (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/6768395.stm)

How to drive pope-rly

Marshal Murat

06-19-2007, 21:33

Snakes in a Gnome (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6766631.stm)

Snakes in a gnome, the great smuggling operation of the year.
I feel an urge to investigate that bird bath...

English assassin

06-20-2007, 10:23

Snakes in a Gnome (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6766631.stm)

...

"I've had enough of these ******* snakes in this ********* gnome."

ShadesPanther

06-20-2007, 12:05

An egg Ad is banned for "unacceptable advice" (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6220684.stm)

I don't know about you, but I am eggs-tremely dissapointed they wouldn't allow this.

InsaneApache

06-20-2007, 12:15

The yokes on you. :clown:

Banquo's Ghost

06-20-2007, 12:36

The BACC got the better ovum, leaving just the shell of a campaign.

Andres

06-20-2007, 23:49

Locked... (http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2007280415,00.html)

Gregoshi

06-21-2007, 01:59

Locked... (http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2007280415,00.html)
A padlock? He should have used a combination lock if he was after safe sex. :eyebrows:

Csargo

06-21-2007, 04:02

A padlock? He should have used a combination lock if he was after safe sex. :eyebrows:

:laugh4:

Gregoshi

06-21-2007, 08:25

:idea2: Maybe he got confused...

Eh, on second thought, nevermind.

FactionHeir

06-21-2007, 13:11

Hi, I'm 4real (http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/06/21/name.child.ap/index.html)

Gregoshi

06-21-2007, 15:11

Hi, I'm 4real (http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/06/21/name.child.ap/index.html)
Pat and Sheena's stupidity is 4real. Imagine the poor kid going through life try to convince everyone that his first name is "4real" (read that both ways). Sure it is...now, seriously, what is your real first name? :wall:

InsaneApache

06-21-2007, 15:41

This reminds of an incident that occured to my mate and I when we were both about 15 years old. We got stopped by the rozzers, as teenagers often were in the 70s.

They asked me for my name, address and the name of my parents, which I gave. (you didn't argue with the filth in those days :laugh4: ).

Then they asked my mate. Thing is, his mum was German. She'd married his dad when he was on posting in the BAOTR.

"Name". Said the copper.

"Mick", he replied.

"Mothers name"....

"Ingamar"

"What?"

"Ingamar"

"You tryin' to be funny son?"

"Nope"

"My mums called Ingamar".

"Right you two, bugger off and don't let me see you 'round here again".

Worked a treat. He used to pretend he was a German from time to time. Oh the fun we had chatting up the girls! :laugh4:

Big King Sanctaphrax

06-21-2007, 16:01

Satan and Adolf Hitler were proposed names that have been declined, he said.

Potential baby Adolf must have some reeeeeeal nice parents...

Husar

06-22-2007, 13:05

Pat and Sheena's stupidity is 4real.
I agree, this is almost as bad as abortion.

Louis VI the Fat

06-22-2007, 13:50

Satan and Adolf Hitler were proposed names that have been declined, he said. This reminds me:

Several years ago, we were watching this football team on tv. It was Austria, or an Austrian clubteam against erm, don't-remember-really. The Austrians were trailing behind, and in the second half brought on a substitution. The commentator said something like 'hang on, a substitution. Looks like the battered Austrians are putting their final hope on Adolf Hitler!'.

~:eek:

At least, that was what I understood it to be. I looked at my friend and he looked at me: "...what did he just say...?"
Then each team the Austrian had possesion of the ball, the clearly embarrassed commentator scraped his throat and mumbled something to the effect of 'Adolf Hitler' This went on for twenty minutes, while me and my firend were all up in giggles by now, "Is he really called that? Is it some practical joke? What's going on?"
Then they finally showed his name on screen. It turned out there is this professional Austrian football player (http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolf_H%C3%BCtter), surname 'Hütter', whose parents thought it a good idea to give Adolf as a first name. :wall:

What where they thinking!? Sure, Adolf is an old name, nothing wrong with it. But being Austrian, with this surname, you don't do this to your child. Hütter and Hitler sound a bit too similar, eh? It was all hilarious and tragic and the same time.

English assassin

06-22-2007, 14:09

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article1969254.ece

My taxes pay for this.

The prisons are bursting and the judges are threatening revolt but the weighty matter of morris dancing has been on the mind of Justice Ministry officials and their boss, the Lord Chancellor.

To the hilarity and astonishment of other Whitehall departments, among the submissions for Lord Falconer of Thoroton to mull over is whether a team of morris dancers from his department could name themselves the Lord Chancellor’s Men

Making sure that the issue received the attention it deserved from Lord Falconer, one of his private secretaries sent a two-page “submission” to his boss. The submission, seen by The Times, is worthy of Whitehall officialdom at its best as it outlines the issue, recommendation, background, and consideration and handling of such a delicate matter of state.

Nick Goodwin, an official in Lord Falconer’s private office, explained the issue simply: “Whether to allow a morris side to name itself after your office”. The side is made up mainly of officials in the newly formed Ministry of Justice, with Mr Goodwin among the morris dancers, Tim Stamp, the head of statistics, on the violin, and Eirian Walsh-Atkins, of the information rights division, on the squeezebox.

With the newly formed morris side making their debut at Hackney church fête in East London on July 7, Mr Goodwin made the recommendation for Lord Falconer: “That you agree to the side using the name the Lord Chancellor’s Men,” the submission sent on June 7 said.

It added that given the side’s connection with this department, “they would like to name themselves after your office”.

He tells Lord Falconer that the morris side dance in the Cotswolds tradition and in the Bampton style, which involves “the use of handkerchiefs and sticks”. Clearly, Mr Goodwin had done some homework, as the submission went on: “As far as we can tell, no such request has been received by a previous Lord Chancellor. There do not appear to be any legal/ statutory constraints on you in granting this request. The decision is therefore one for your personal judgment.”

He then outlines the pros of morris dancing to help Lord Falconer as he wrestled with the submission. It added: “Morris dancing is currently one of the Icons of England on the Department of Culture Media and Sport site, alongside a cup of tea, a stiff upper lip and a bowler hat.”

Lemur

06-23-2007, 00:17

Ferrari versus Papacy. (http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSEIC25648920070622) Who will win?

Andres

06-23-2007, 00:26

Cannibal eats finger and needs treatment for acute food poisoning... (http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=126&art_id=nw20070622113610613C275792)

Doha - Four Asians who allegedly murdered a compatriot and then ate the body were caught when a finger of their victim was found in the stomach of one during treatment for acute food poisoning, the daily Al-Sharq newspaper said on Friday.

The Qatari newspaper said the four men had to seek emergency hospital treatment after eating part of the corpse, various bits of which, including a finger, showed up on hospital X-rays.

The paper did not give the men's nationalities. It said their victim was also of Asian origin, and that the affair, unprecedented in Qatar, was now in the hands of prosecutors. - Sapa-AFP

Watch out, he's got a fake leg! (http://www.orlandosentinel.com/services/newspaper/printedition/wednesday/localandstate/orl-pegleg2007jun20,0,3129342.story)

Walter Pacheco | Sentinel Staff Writer
June 20, 2007

A robber in a wheelchair used his prosthetic leg to attack a man, then rolled away with cash and a bottle of beer, Orlando police said.

Antonio Jennings, 21, told Orlando police he was walking behind the Mobil gas station on the 2800 block of West Colonial Drive at about 11:30 p.m. Monday when a couple of men approached him.

Jennings recognized one man as "Walter" and the other as "Woody," who was in a wheelchair. The victim said Woody struck him in the face with his fake leg, robbed him of $30 in cash, an assortment of identification cards and his bottle of beer.

If caught, Woody could face armed-robbery charges for clobbering and robbing Jennings with his prosthetic leg.

"When an object is used as a threat of force in a robbery, it is considered an armed robbery, and the [fake] leg is considered a weapon in this case," Orlando police spokeswoman Sgt. Barbara Jones said.

InsaneApache

06-23-2007, 16:15

Obesity is so revered among Mauritania's white Moor Arab population that the young girls are sometimes force-fed to obtain a weight the government has described as "life-threatening".

Super Size Me. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/3429903.stm)

Big King Sanctaphrax

06-23-2007, 19:50

Why don't we trade all of our fatties for hot, thin Arab girls? It's win-win.

Crazed Rabbit

06-23-2007, 21:30

Democrats support the troops- Canadian troops, that is. (http://michellemalkin.com/2007/06/22/nancy-pelosi-supports-the-troops-the-canadian-troops-that-is/)

Might explain why some are skeptical of Dem's claims to support the troops.

Why don't we trade all of our fatties for hot, thin Arab girls? It's win-win.

I agree.

CR

Evil_Maniac From Mars

06-23-2007, 22:32

Marshal Murat

06-24-2007, 02:53

A fashion faux pas (http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=paDiazsat08diazbag&show_article=1)

A fashion statement gone wrong!

Lemur

06-24-2007, 03:47

Democrats support the troops- Canadian troops, that is. (http://michellemalkin.com/2007/06/22/nancy-pelosi-supports-the-troops-the-canadian-troops-that-is/)
In much the same spirit, Dick Cheney declares himself to be a mysterious Fourth Branch of the U.S. government (http://rawstory.com/news/2007/Cheney_tells_agency_that_Vice_Presidents_0621.html) (no, I'm not making this one up).

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/Cheney4branchesGovChart.jpg

Cheney tells agency that Vice President's office is not part of the executive branch

Michael Roston
Published: Thursday June 21, 2007

The Office of Vice President Dick Cheney told an agency within the National Archives that for purposes of securing classified information, the Vice President's office is not an 'entity within the executive branch' according to a letter released Thursday by the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform.

"The Oversight Committee has learned that over the objections of the National Archives, you exempted the Office of the Vice President from the presidential executive order that establishes a uniform, government-wide system for safeguarding classified national security information," Rep. Henry Waxman (D-CA), the Committee's chairman, wrote in a letter to Cheney. "Your decision to exempt your office from the President's order is problematic because it could place national security secrets at risk. It is also hard to understand given the history of security breaches involving officials in your office."

Waxman noted that Cheney's office had declared itself not affected by an executive order amended by President George W. Bush in 2003 regarding classification and declassification of government materials.

"Your position was that your office 'does not believe it is included in the definition of 'agency' as set forth in the Order' and 'does not consider itself an 'entity within the executive branch' that comes into the possession of classified information,'" a National Archives official claims Cheney chief of staff David Addington wrote to him.

The Vice President's office's refusal to comply with the executive order and the National Archives's request prompted the National Archives to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office. But the Justice Department has not followed up on the Archives's request.

In response, Waxman issued a set of questions to which he requested answers by July 12.

The full set of documents from Waxman's office can be found at the Oversight Committee's website.

Banquo's Ghost

06-24-2007, 09:37

I thought the News of the Weird thread was for stories about exposing genital mutilations rather than why Dick has been cut off from exposure?

Husar

06-24-2007, 15:42

I thought the News of the Weird thread was for stories about exposing genital mutilations rather than why Dick has been cut off from exposure?
You're not getting paid to think, you're paid to moderate.~D ~;)

Seriously, I think that Dick story is quite weird, just creates a new branch in the government, that guy, maybe that puts him above the law because his branch is included in no law whatsoever.:clown:

Banquo's Ghost

06-24-2007, 19:29

Have you licensed that sporran (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/6234290.stm) or are you just pleased to see me? I fear that the police are going to constantly badger people about this.

Sporran wearers may need licence

Kilt wearers could face prosecution if they do not have a licence for their sporran under new legislation which has been introduced in Scotland.

The laws are designed to protect endangered species like badgers and otters, whose fur used to be favoured by sporran makers.

The legislation applies to animals killed after 1994.

Applicants must prove that the animal was killed lawfully before they will be able to get a licence.

The conservation regulations were designed to close a number of loopholes and bring Scotland into line with other EU members.

They also apply to other vulnerable animals like deer, wildcats, hedgehogs, bats, lynx, moles, seals, whales, dolphins and porpoises.

The regulations require anyone who owns any part of a protected animal to obtain a licence.

The maximum penalties for breaking the law are a fine of £5,000 and six months in prison.

Hamish Husband, spokesman for the Association of Tartan Army Clubs, said the legislation could affect fans who follow their national football team.

"Are the police going to take DNA samples from the sporran of every kilted supporter who walks into Hampden?" he asked.

"If that's the case we will need to look into obtaining a licence to cover the entire Tartan Army."

The new rules will also cover fishing flies made from animal hair.

A Scottish Executive spokeswoman said the new rules had been put in place to bring Scotland into line with existing European legislation designed to protect vulnerable species.

"The licence will allow people who possess artefacts made from these species in circumstances compliant with earlier laws to keep them," she said.

"This could be family heirlooms of various descriptions.

"Having a licence for such an artefact, proving it was obtained legally, will ensure they will not be prosecuted or have it taken from them under the new regulations."

Crazed Rabbit

06-24-2007, 20:16

In much the same spirit, Dick Cheney declares himself to be a mysterious Fourth Branch of the U.S. government (http://rawstory.com/news/2007/Cheney_tells_agency_that_Vice_Presidents_0621.html) (no, I'm not making this one up).

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/Cheney4branchesGovChart.jpg

I don't know, mine is kind of a 'Aren't those Democrats just a bunch of stupid hipocrits?' while yours is more disturbing tale of Mr. Cheney.

CR

Evil_Maniac From Mars

06-24-2007, 23:04

I wonder if Bush is jealous of all the attention his Dick gets.

:shame:

Marshal Murat

06-25-2007, 19:48

Scientology Stops the Movie (http://www.reuters.com/article/entertainmentNews/idUSL253889920070625?feedType=RSS&rpc=22&sp=true)

Germany doesn't want Cruise as a Nazi Colonel.
I understand completely.

drone

06-25-2007, 20:49

Two lovely nuggets:

Flying Fire Hydrant Kills Calif. Man (http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/B/BRF_HYDRANT_DEATH?SITE=FLTAM)
OAKLAND, Calif. (AP) -- A sport utility vehicle crashed into a fire hydrant, which shot like a "bullet," striking and killing a man walking nearby, police said.

Humberto Hernandez, 24, was walking with his wife Thursday evening when a 2007 Ford Escape blew a tire and swerved onto the sidewalk, striking the hydrant, police said.

Water pressure and the impact of the crash sent the hydrant flying like a "bullet," said Phil Abrams, an Alameda County deputy sheriff.

Hernandez was hit in the back of the head and was pronounced dead at the scene.

After striking Hernandez, the hydrant hit a fence before landing another 20 feet away.

"I've seen a lot of accidents but never anything like this," said Oakland police Lt. Fausto Melara.

Hernandez's wife was not hurt.

and

Sand Castles of Death (http://www.guardian.co.uk/usa/story/0,,2108878,00.html)
First it was killer sharks. Then it was killer bees. Now American holidaymakers heading for the beach this summer are being warned to watch out for another lethal hazard: killer sand castles.

The US bucket and spade brigade went on full alert yesterday after research by a top physician revealed that people falling into holes dug in the sand had accounted for more fatalities in the US since 1990 than shark attacks - 16 as opposed to 12.

The article, written by Dr Bradley Maron in the New England Journal of Medicine, said sand holes and tunnels, the byproduct of building sand castles and other juvenile beach fortifications, could turn into deathtraps with horrifying speed.

Although such incidents were extremely rare, Dennis Arnold, who runs a beach patrol at Martha's Vineyard, off Cape Cod in Massachusetts, said lifeguards were under orders to stop children digging deep holes. Occasionally some parents protest, he said. "They'll say 'You're ruining my kid's day!' and I say 'I don't care!'," Mr Arnold was quoted as saying.

KafirChobee

06-26-2007, 02:24

USN&WR 06-25-07

Populous China's Name Shortage
The Problem: too many people and not enough different names. As a result China may soon try to reduce name confusion in a country where most of the 1.3 billion people share just 100 family surnames. For instance, 93 million Chinese have the surname Wang, and 92 million have the surname Li. A newborn can take the surname of either the father or mother, but now officials are considering also permitting a combined surname, such as Wangli or Liwang.

Gee, as a newborn I wasn't given any choice what so ever about my name. Not that I recall anyway. :inquisitive:

Imagine the cluster F' at airport security. :dizzy2:

InsaneApache

06-27-2007, 13:03

A bank has apologised to a 77-year-old woman for refusing to hand over her £3,000 savings because she was listed as dead.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/shropshire/6244452.stm

A succesful 'coffindodger' then. :laugh4:

Avicenna

06-27-2007, 21:25

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6246800.stm

Pellet out of my head! Bullet causes 'severe headache'

Marshal Murat

06-28-2007, 00:42

Australian Drivers hit below the belt. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6240288.stm)

Shaka_Khan

06-28-2007, 02:34

InsaneApache

06-28-2007, 08:42

Don't worry, it's OK, she spat it out and gave it back to him. :laugh4:

FactionHeir

06-28-2007, 12:01

That one was reported in here a while ago too

Lemur

06-28-2007, 15:37

This isn't weird news, so much as a weird movement. Who knew that beards were such a big deal (http://www.beards.org/)?

Beards deserve more respect and appreciation. The mission of this site is to promote beards in a positive manner. At beards.org, beards are serious business. But we attempt to have fun with the topic at the same time. The site is meant to challenge preconceived notions about beards and get you to see beards in a better light.

Andres

06-28-2007, 16:04

Man Replaces Wife's Name on Gravestone With Picture of a Cow. (http://www.shortnews.com/start.cfm?id=63293)

:laugh4:

Serbia: 58-year-old Zivomir Nesic, a farmer from Markovac, has had his wife's name removed from their pre-ordered gravestone and replaced with a picture of a favourite bovine of his.

The change came after a massive fight with his spouse. "I always said my wife was a cow so, if I'm going to have a cow on my grave, I would rather it was one I actually liked," said Nesic.

Gregoshi

06-28-2007, 16:17

Man Replaces Wife's Name on Gravestone With Picture of a Cow. (http://www.shortnews.com/start.cfm?id=63293)

She doesn't care, she's in hooven now.

This isn't weird news, so much as a weird movement. Who knew that beards were such a big deal (http://www.beards.org/)?

Lemur, this belongs in a new thread entitled "News of the Beard". As for the movement, one man's cause is another man's follicle.

Mikeus Caesar

06-28-2007, 16:50

Rubber duck armada is heading for Britain after 15-year voyage, $100 reward for each one found.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article1996553.ece

InsaneApache

06-28-2007, 17:04

If it's 'Rubber Duck', surely it would be a convoy, not an armada. :laugh4:

That joke is lost on anyone under 40 :embarassed:

Lemur

06-28-2007, 17:16

As for the movement, one man's cause is another man's follicle.
Ow! Ow ow ow! There oughta be a law ...

In weird candidate news, Mitt Romney strapped his dog to the roof of a station wagon while making a twelve-hour road trip. In a carrier, but still, not very nice for the dog. Fortunately, the pooch got his revenge (http://www.boston.com/news/politics/2008/specials/romney/articles/part4_main/):

As the oldest son, Tagg Romney commandeered the way-back of the wagon, keeping his eyes fixed out the rear window, where he glimpsed the first sign of trouble. ''Dad!'' he yelled. ''Gross!'' A brown liquid was dripping down the back window, payback from an Irish setter who'd been riding on the roof in the wind for hours.

-edit-

A blogger comments (http://www.unfogged.com/archives/week_2007_06_24.html#007054):

Honestly, can you imagine doing this? It's a bad sign that the dog defecated in the cage. Dogs are very reluctant to shit where they live, so to speak, which is why crate training can make housebreaking a lot easier: you're taking advantage of the dog's natural inclination to avoid relieving itself in its own space. That the poor guy let go in the crate suggests fear or extreme need, either one of which makes the owner a serious :daisy:. It's not the biggest issue in the world, but still, it gives me the creeps.

Gregoshi

06-28-2007, 23:19

If it's 'Rubber Duck', surely it would be a convoy, not an armada. :laugh4:

That joke is lost on anyone under 40 :embarassed:
It sure must be a beautiful sight. I'll bet nothin's gonna get in its way...all the way to Big Ben. ~;)

As for "Mutt" Romney, I'll bet following him on the campaign trail requires watching one's step.

Edit: Regarding "Rubber Duck", here's the scoop on that reference: Convoy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtXhHn6Yaqc)

Shaka_Khan

06-29-2007, 01:48

Women allowed to go topless in public. (http://www.cnn.com/2007/LAW/06/18/topless.settlement.ap/index.html)
I love NY.
Now all we need is to have the women get the courage to go topless. Extreme measures must be done to prevent any harrassment.

Gregoshi

06-29-2007, 03:47

I love NY.
Now all we need is to have the women get the courage to go topless. Extreme measures must be done to prevent any harrassment.
Yeah, and going topless will be health for them too since they will have to take the stares. :inquisitive:

InsaneApache

06-29-2007, 09:09

I refuse to do Paris Hilton! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VdNcCcweL0)

Go get her mama! :laugh4:

Husar

06-29-2007, 10:22

I refuse to do Paris Hilton! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VdNcCcweL0)

Go get her mama! :laugh4:
I've seen that before, on the MSNBC website, no less. This and the fact that they apparently had a camera readily pointed at the shredder seems quite suspicious. Add to that that they behave almost like kids and (from what I heard) MSNBC is losing viewers...:inquisitive:

Lemur

06-29-2007, 23:51

I don't know, I saw the clip, and I thought it looked legit. It doesn't take a genius crew to move focus on the 2 or 3 camera when an announcer says she's going to shred something. Note that it wasn't lit correctly, something that would have taken real time to set up.

In other news, Hamas' Mickey Mouse rip-off character has been beaten to death (http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8Q2L8K80&show_article=1) in the final episode of the childrens' show. Serves him right.

Hamas TV Kills Off Mickey Mouse Double

Jun 29 02:48 PM US/Eastern

GAZA CITY, Gaza Strip (AP) - A Mickey Mouse lookalike who preached Islamic domination on a Hamas- affiliated children's television program was beaten to death in the show's final episode Friday.

In the final skit, "Farfour" was killed by an actor posing as an Israeli official trying to buy Farfour's land. At one point, the mouse called the Israeli a "terrorist."

"Farfour was martyred while defending his land," said Sara, the teen presenter. He was killed "by the killers of children," she added.

The weekly show, featuring a giant black-and-white rodent with a high- pitched voice, had attracted worldwide attention because the character urged Palestinian children to fight Israel. It was broadcast on Hamas- affiliated Al Aqsa TV.

Station officials said Friday that Farfour was taken off the air to make room for new programs. Station manager Mohammed Bilal said he did not know what would be shown instead.

Israeli officials have denounced the program, "Tomorrow's Pioneers," as incendiary and outrageous. The program was also opposed by the state-run Palestinian Broadcasting Corp., which is controlled by Fatah, Hamas' rival.